A Social Prognosis

When the Bough Breaks: A Reflection

2010-09-15T14:59:00.009-04:00

Background:
I just finished attending an extra credit lecture for my Foundations in Medicine course in which we had a discussion based on the viewing of Unnatural Causes...is Inequality Making us Sick? - Episode 2:When the Boughs Break. The documentary explores the phenomenon of African American women at every socioeconomic level having higher rates of pre-term birth and infant mortality than white women who haven't even finished high school or Black immigrants. The basic findings were that it's not genetic and not socioeconomic (in fact, being a higher educated Black woman increased your risk instead of lowering it). The general idea discussed is that birth outcomes are affected by the negative impact of racism over a lifespan and that racism in America is an added source of stress for people of color, leading to poorer health outcomes. That's the basic synopsis. I'd highly recommend watching the documentary if you can get your hands on it. It was an eye-opener for many of my classmates.

Reflection:
I learned about the study discussed during the video this summer in one of my public health courses (Social & Behavior Aspects of Global Health). At the time, the study was briefly touched upon, highlighting the possibility that operating under a lifelong level of elevated stress hormones is detrimental to overall health. However, the course did not nearly go into as much detail as this film. I was literally holding back tears at certain points during the film, telling myself, “this can’t be life.” Nothing stated here struck me as new – I’ve always been one of few (if not the only) Blacks in a given environment (exception being college). As such, I have been aware of my race every day of my life since I can remember, and have had many struggles and obstacles because of it. However, something about this film really struck a nerve in me.

Perhaps it is that I am older and have more life experience and feel that I have fought to carve out a good future for myself. Now I finally feel that I have full ownership of my life. It is frustrating to think that no matter what I do to shift things in my favor, certain things that I think I should have a significant handle on are out of my control. Furthermore, according to this film, by working to put myself in a high socioeconomic level will actually have adverse affects on my life. Coupled together, frustration, anger, and sadness abound within me.

I fully believe the Life Course Perspective, that the accumulation of this chronic life stressor of race is a determinant of health. Unless we were able to do away with racism and prejudices, I don’t really see that stressor going away. Therefore, I suppose it would be in my best interest to implement some coping mechanisms to deal with it, rather than to just sit back and accept it. Easier said than done. How do I take time and energy to calm myself down or cheer myself up sometimes multiple times a day when time is becoming an increasingly more precious commodity? As one of three Black students in my class, I am all too aware of my race every day. I play well with my peers and like most of them. But even the ones I am closest with from time to time slip up and say something offensive about other Black people, or interact with me based on assumptions about the few other Black people they’ve had close interactions with over their life spans, or just interact with me differently than they do others. I won’t even talk about the bad classmates… To be honest, being here has been a lonely experience – and one I don’t see improving over the course of my career. How does one stop ignorant comments and prejudiced actions of others? I have no problem fighting off verbal attacks, but how am I supposed to fight back against the subconscious physiological effects of these offenses?

As I sit and reflect on all the issues brought up in this film, and other underlying concerns triggered by this viewing, I am left with a series of unanswerable questions. So, what am I to do? Right now, I feel it best to stay on my course to become a physician who will work to help study and, hopefully eliminate, some ethnic health disparities. But, once again, I am left with a question that can’t be answered: what good will my future research be if it all boils down to the influence of a lifelong battle with racism yielding subconscious physiological consequences?

[aside: I am very happy I am pursuing the MPH degree - the MD is incomplete to developing a forward-thinking physician capable of making lasting societal change. These questions might not yet be answerable, but at least they're being asked, right?]

Worst Case Scenario

2010-06-09T23:21:00.005-04:00

Not to harp on the Oil Spill, but I am living down in New Orleans as a public health student. I must say, it's a real honor and a privilege to be able to be studying in such a place as this in such a unique time in history, let alone to add to the mix that I'm a public health and medical student. It really is a hands-on, learning experience where everything we're learning in-class has real life applications just minutes away (and a few months into the future).

I completely stole this from a classmate's fb page I was stalking - lol. Sorry! But, I give credit where credit's due. Here's the link to the blog I "borrowed" it from.

o_O I'm a little terrified, not going to lie. Where is the solution? See, this is what we get for investing ridiculous sums of money into things like space exploration when there a trillions of things within our own planet we know limited information about. Ok, that might be a stretch, but still, I maintain that it's a valid point. Think about the ocean. Think of how vast it really is and how deep the deepest abyss really goes. Now think of how little we actually know about 70% of our terrestrial globe...yes, 70%! I don't know about you, but I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that perhaps if we knew more about what lies beneath the surface we could have developed better methods to tap its resources. That, and as I slowly "Go Green," I am opposed to our reliance on oil. It will eventually dry up and we have developed alternative methods that work fine, but the thing is, like any reliance, our oil addiction has made us lazy...too lazy to select alternatives that are not inherently as "easy" as oil usage has become to the modern world.

This is supposed to be a very bad hurricane system. It started on June 1st and runs all the way to November 30th. (aside: I really didn't know hurricane season was that long!). This is a good site to sum up the hurricane predictions for the year, but suffice it to say that roughly 27 or so hurricanes are expected to hit. As someone in a city that is still recovering from a hurricane from 5 years ago, I am afraid. I have no idea what to expect for any hurricane, let alone one that would literally rain oil on us...

Homesick :(

2010-06-06T22:46:00.013-04:00

For the first time in life I have experienced home sickness. Despite going out with friends and trying to keep busy this past weekend, I really got home sick. I felt like the kid at camp who doesn't care what fun is being had all around her, all she wants to do is return to the comfort and normality of home. It's not that I don't love and appreciate New Orleans for the wonderfully unique city it is, but it's almost too unique. I feel shell shocked. I knew it'd be an adjustment coming down to the Deep South, but I truly felt that the urbanness of NOLA would mitigate the humdrum pace that is inherent to the South - WRONG.

Everyone's outlook on life is the antithesis of that experienced in the North. People don't see a point in rushing to do anything. And while I can appreciate their appreciation for enjoying life and people, and relaxing and taking it easy, they OD on it down here - I guess it's called The Big Easy for a reason :/ But seriously, punctuality is probably last on everyone's list down here, even my financial aid department who doesn't see a problem in not doing their job in a timely fashion so students can do things like pay rent, buy books and supplies, eat - you know, the basics. Ugh. It is frustrating! And I just look like a jerk everywhere I go because not only do I not go slow, I actively am still ticking on a Northern clock of urgency, and I really am lacking the patience necessary to handle those that don't seem in a rush to do anything. That's never been a part of who I am. Sure, I am of the opinion that we shouldn't take life too seriously, unless the situation absolutely mandates it, however I've also approached most things from the standpoint that I'll get what I need to get done first and then do what I want to do later. Makes complete logical sense to me. To these people, that notion is foreign. They do what they want and hope that eventually what needs to get worked out is somehow magically completed without complication...riiiight. Honestly, I don't think this constant heat, humidity (which is swiftly getting worse!), and enormous bugs aren't helping.

I got a little down about it all and actually started fighting logic and contemplated that maybe I made a BIG mistake choosing to spend the next four years of my life in New Orleans. Silly, I know...this is the school God has for me and I absolutely love the med school and it's opportunities, but still, logic often fails in the face of depression. And yes, I would say I've been depressed this weekend, despite hitting up some fun spots in this city (see below). I ever popped in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and nearly teared when I started seeing all the Jersey and New York spots in the movie. I started getting nostalgic about this past year's adventures in Philly, Jersey, and New York and really started to miss all my loved ones I left behind. Then, I started to feel pathetic about being so down, but then I was speaking to a friend who's down here that feels the same way having moved from DC. Adjusting your mentality and entire perspective on life and your functioning is truly an exacerbating task, especially when you feel you're alone. I suppose the grass really is always greener on the other side, as I recall complaining about how I was ready to get up and leave the cold, congested, fast-paced North for a while - be careful what you wish for.

Mom came through in the clutch though. She reminded me of a few things. Yes, it'll be a big change, but I have to take into consideration that it is summer. There are a lot of students in the city who are away for vacation and this is part of the price I have to pay for trying to get a jump start on my dual degree. She also reminded me that as I get more acclimate to the city and become more involved, I'll start to form my own network down here. While I am blessed to have secured summer housing so easily and at such an affordable price, she reminded me that it's not like I chose to live with these roommates (good people, but it's not like we hang out), therefore it's not like I'm surrounded by my good friends, but really just strangers, which can be quite an adjustment when you go from spending everyday surrounded by friends and family. I love how my mom can so simply put things into perspective for me. We express our love for one another so much better when we're not living together. It's amazing!

So, I plan to stay busy with classes, exploring the city, and I should be starting research in a week or so. Between those activities and getting to know my classmates better I think I should have this bought of home sickness out of my system by July :) I live a few blocks down from Audubon Park, which is so breath-takingly beautiful it's hard to feel down while there. I try to go there as much as my schedule and the weather permits (it rains randomly daily). Wikipedia just informed me that the land used to be a plantation :/ Whatever, it's still gorgeous! I was sitting by a pond Saturday, watching everything from a water snake (maybe) to baby ducks to a cranes to a family of large turtles all enjoying nature. It truly made me feel carefree.

These are world famous Sno-Balls from Plum Street Snoball. When I got down here, everyone kept asking me if I'd had a New Orleans sno-ball yet, and I would just stare at them in niavete. After doing a little research, I found that this place and another place (Hansen's, which is right by me and next on my list) are easily the top two in the city. The way sno-balls were described to me were the ultimate Italian icey. False. The sno-ball I had was easily the most amazing, tantilizing frozen treat to touch my tongue in life. You can always rely on wiki for the low-down. Basically, it's shaved ice of a smoother consistency than slushies or iceys, with a ridiculous but perfect amount of flavoring poured into holes they dig into the ice. It really is perfect because it never gets to the point where you have unflavored ice left in your container (and I do mean container...depending on what size you order, you might be eating/drinking out of a Chinese food take-out box!)

This weekend I also hit up Hotel Monteleone's Carousel Piano Bar & Lounge. Wow. My favorite place in the city thus far. Be not deceived, there really is no truly classy place in the NO. lol. As posh as the hotel's website looks, as well it's featured bar & lounge, the drunkards stumble in there in all types of get ups. Why? For it's famous rotating Carousel Bar. This thing is amazing. Not going to lie, it was a little complicated trying to hop on (or more than you'd think), but once on and adjusted to parts of the room moving and not others, it's great. A delightful musician hammers away on the ivories a yards back in the lounge area and it's easy to get caught up in the ambience and never want to leave. While you're in there, it's so hard to believe that the notoriously crazy Bourbon St is literally one block away...that is until a drunk middle aged couple comes in screaming with clothes falling off :/ Still, it manages to retain it's classiness (I think the jazzy lounge piano helps in this effort. Apparently, it's also a literary landmark - I see why!

The remainder of the night was spent strolling down Bourbon for the first time. Oh the sights mine eyes did see! I'll just leave it at that!

Oil Spill, The Economist, N'awlins, and Me

2010-05-31T09:28:00.008-04:00

So, this blog was originally supposed to be a motivation for me to keep up with the news and what's going on in the world around me, yet it has somehow transformed into something a bit more philosophical at times, or better yet, just random excuses about why I'm not blogging. Whatever. That's life. To be quite honest, I've been enamored with everything pertaining to starting med school and grad school, and making the big move down to New Orleans - I have truly loved every minute of it (aside from the packing). As a result, I have no idea what is going on in the world around me. Shame. I refuse to be the doctor/med student that is ignorant to the latest news due to overindulgence in the medical realm of life. Tunnel vision is great for achieving your goals and getting to where you want to be at in life. However, if it excludes other important things from your vision such as friends, family, and important developments, how beneficial, as opposed to detrimental, is it? I propose tunnel vision is good in the short-term, but bad in the long-run...that is if you desire to have any type of a social life. Well, since I do, I am slowly trying to incorporate real world developments into my daily life. It's a slow, arduous process, but I believe the effort and energy will pay off in the end.

That being said, I am very up-to-date on this mess of an oil spill. BP, you should hang your head low. Just what are you doing?!? All the lies and nondisclosure...come, come now...do better. BP's oil spill is about to do more damage to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast than Katrina did. Seriously. While not killing people like Katrina did, BP is killing people's incomes in an already depressed economy. Many of these people rely on fishing as their primary source of income. Well guess what? As much as seafood is the #1 staple down here, these items are now being imported in. People who have already invested loads of money for the shrimping and other fishing seasons, are now out of that money since their supply is now dead/unusable. On the end of BP there have been no developments save for increased knowledge on how bad this really is. Our ecosystem is about to be devastated, the effects of which probably won't fully be felt for a few years. And what happens when hurricane season hits full force? That oil is about to be spread even further. I heard talks of someone proposing burning off the oil...riiight, because that's what our ecosystem needs... [insert side eye]. This is the main news story I've been keeping up with and it is just depressing.

On a related note, under the tutelage of a good friend, I have gone ahead an acquired a recent issue of The Economist (ummm, readers beware, one issue is like 7 bucks and only covers 1 week...in other words, it's expensive). Anywho, the purpose of reading The Economist is two-fold. First, it truly covers a wealth of topics both nationally and internationally, and thus, will serve to broaden my knowledge in foreign affairs, economics, and politics. If you know me, you know I'm a closeted nerd who just loves acquiring more knowledge. We know the average human uses ~10% of their brain power (or so we've been told in school...wouldn't be surprised if this was an educated lie to get us to study more), but I'm trying to up that percentage. Plus, I like to be able to talk to a random person on the street about anything. Since I know where my weaker areas are, it makes perfect sense to target those now. My second reason is to better pick up a white boy. Yes, I said it. I was talking to this same friend who made the recommendation, and she said how she's been over black guys for a while (even though she's still dated a few here and there) and she was talking about how she's perfecting the art of picking up a good white guy. She's like, " what you need to do is go to some fairly high foot trafficked area, grab yourself an issue of The Economist and maybe a Vitamin Water, and sit and read. Make sure you don't have headphones or sunglasses on, and slowly scan your surroundings every now and then. When you find one you want, briefly make eye contact, smile a little, and go back to reading. They will come." lol - this girl has a game plan! She has other strategies too, but this one seemed the easiest for me to start with. Granted, now that I'm down South, I don't see many types that look like they'd be into The Economist, but let me know judge a book by the cover. Even if Southerners innately look simpler, a few might surprise me.

You know, people hate on Southerners, but I think they're onto something. They definitely know how to enjoy life and put an emphasis on spending time with people - the same time that we see as such a rare commodity up North is amply doled out down here. Even though I can't really indulge in eating or drinking, I absolutely love Love LOVE New Orleans! Honestly, if I can adapt to the heat and humidity, and survive the bugs and hurricanes, I might never leave - dead serious. Come visit!

Packing Woes…

2010-05-29T01:19:00.003-04:00

I’ve actually had a lot to blog about in recent times, BUT packing has literally consumed my life! Ugh. It’s high on my list of least favorite activities…or better yet – activities that pain me. Goodness, I don’t think I know one person who likes packing. I swear, if I can afford it, the next move I make will involve professional movers, because this crap is for the birds. I remember, I thought I was being slick by starting to pack my things up a few months ago – FALSE! True, I moved a lot of my big furniture into storage, which helped clear out the house, but I grew tired of packing within the first two hours and quit, thereby defeating the purpose.

It was a good look slowly packing up my desk and books and such in Banker’s Boxes (my new favorite moving supply!). Let’s pause a second and give respect where respect is due. Banker’s Boxes are what’s up, if you didn’t know. One, I have a slight OCD-like complex when it comes to organization…as in, highly organized things make me feel very good. I love Banker’s Boxes because they’re small with hand holes, so I could load up a bunch of heavy books in each and not worry about not being able to carry them like I do for larger moving boxes. With a little creativity, I can easily fit about 7 in the trunk of my car, freeing up more space in the back seat (though, I still need to load my car for tomorrow, so things might change (as I’m sitting here typing, I’m starting to think they might do better stacked in the back seat…hmmm…).

Anywho, as much as Banker’s Boxes have simplified my move, I still hate it.

What is it about packing that so upsets and irritates the human spirit? The most obvious annoyance is the monotonous activity that comprises packing. Usually, you start with a respectably organized area, create chaos so that you can sort thru things, and then sit and fold and wrap items for hours. So, not only is it repetitive, but also, you have to make things messy in order to accomplish your goal.

Next on the list, or at least on my list, is the decreased view of self that accompanies the process. Let me explain. If you've read some of my earlier posts, particularly those pertaining to minimalism, you'd know that I have consciously been working towards moving to a more minimalist lifestyle. Simply put, the act of packing slaps me in the face with how far away I am from a minimalist lifestyle. Like really, how do I have this much stuff? And why can't I follow my own rule of "if I haven't used or seen it in the past year, it's time to throw is away"??? Yes, when I pause and reflect, I see how pitiful I look drowning in a room full of stuff I hardly ever utilize...and then I feel foolish...and then I feel a little less good about myself.

Ah well. I finally packed up and made the long drive down to New Orleans! I'm staying with a mentee of mine from undergrad who's here for Law School, and I'll be moving into my summer sublet on Sunday! Since I'll be doing my own apartment shopping for a late July move, I think I might spend the next few weeks just living out of boxes...I'm not really trying to unpack only to have to turn around an re-pack.

Random Aside: How come all those packing commercials and ads always show the people looking so happy with big Cheshire cat grins plastered to their faces while I always look distressed???

Fendora...Mi amora!!

2010-05-07T13:37:00.011-04:00

So, I have this newfound obsession with finding the right one or two fendora hats for spring, summer, and fall down South. I've always been in love with hats in general, but I've grown particularly found of these hats in recent years, especially the straw ones...they really remind me of the bliss of summer. Everytime I see one, I picture myself chilling beachside, enjoying the ocean breeze in some linen pants with a nice cold drink in my hand (vivid imagination, I know).

My quest is on! Especially with this relocation to New Orleans, I've realized how limited my wardrobe is in terms of cooler outfits. In sum, I have a very stereotypical Northern closet - winter hats, scarves, an overabundance of dark colored and heavier weighted attire. I am low on the capris, shorts, skirts, dresses, and light colored clothing. Also, I'm thinking it would be beneficial to block those oppressive sun rays beating down on my head with a nice lightweight hat or two.

I found this lovely Fendora hat at Arden B that I'm thinking of pruchasing. Thing is, I also want a typical, beige tan one that scream summer! Luckily, Fendoras are making a strong comeback in fashion, so my search shouldn't be too difficult.

Wish me luck! And, of course, I welcome any leads you might have :) Not many of my posts will be pertaining to fashion, as I consider it something realitively low on my list or priorities in my life development. However, I am a BIG accessories girl! Shoes, bags, scarves, hats, jewlery, headbddans - if they're on the list, I have a slight obsession with them...exciting pieces do make me tingle from head-to-toe ;)

Arizona Strikes Again...

2010-04-26T11:20:00.007-04:00

The latest legal developments out of Arizona are marginally constitutional, in my opinion. I agree with the first half of the legislation, declaring illegal immigrants well, illegal. However, I think it is dangerous to legally empower law enforcement to demand identification for persons they “suspect” of being here illegally. I love (re: hate) how the Arizona state legislature acts as if racial profile does not already exist and has not existed probably since the beginning of law enforcement. We all know how this is about to play out. How exactly does one “suspect” some is illegally in the US? Is it by the way they look? The way they speak? The way they carry themselves? Something tells me that, simply put, the more ethnic you look, the greater jeopardy you will find yourself in of being suspect, while the more “Americanized” (re: White) you look, the safer you’ll be. Sad, but true. Adjust your wardrobe, hair, and speech accordingly.

My guess is that very shortly, Latinos in Arizona are going to face daily accosting by the police, thereby increasing the anger and frustration amongst this community. How would like to be questioned at whim about whether you “belong” here? I tell you what, as someone who attended a university where minority students were repeatedly racially profiled on-campus by police (i.e. forced to show their school ID to prove they “belonged”) I can tell you how horrible of an experience that is. It is degrading and frustrating. It leads to distrust and anger. No one, save for the people doing it, likes when authorities abuse their power. No one enjoys being perceived as an outcast. Granted, some members of this community are illegally here, are aiding in the draining of our tax dollars, and are “taking” jobs, but I emphasize this is SOME, not ALL. If we want to crunch down on immigration, let’s up border security let’s thoroughly check all documents when hiring people for jobs…oh wait, that’s right, people try to skimp on paying what they should for services and resort to hiring daily hands for manual labor, meaning they don’t check said documents. I’m digressing.

My point is that things in this area are about to escalate rapidly and probably explosively. Think about it. One of the main sentiments driving this new legislation is the increased crime rate that has correlated with the increase in illegal immigrants. And I’m sure that some are contributing to this. However, I guarantee that regardless of the percent of the Latino community involved in these crime stats, as soon as racial profiling increases, these individuals are going to respond in violence. I really wouldn’t be surprised if there were riots reminiscent of the LA Riots sparked by the Rodney King beating. Might be a bit of a stretch, but as I said, I really wouldn’t be surprised.

Personally, I don’t see this legislation holding up. There are already protests springing up throughout the country, as well as statements being made against this move by government officials. It’s kind of nice to see my fellow Americans uniting against this very un-American (yet, typically American) act. I mean, we’re a country that prides itself on its history of immigration and working hard to make something of oneself, yet we also know our nation has a history of people working hard to get theirs and then doing everything in their power not share the wealth (i.e. allow other people to work hard and reap the benefits). Nothing at this point surprises me…not even this legislation.

Let it be known, I am adamantly against illegal immigration, especially in these rough economic times. [disclaimer: I am about to sound rather Republican for a minute] Quite frankly, we do not have enough to go around for our own, let alone people that illegally sneak over here. On the one hand, it’s kind of noble that some would risk their lives to try to provide a better life for their families, however, it’s still wrong. There’s a reason it’s illegal, and just because you succeed at coming over her and establishing yourself, even serving for our country, doesn’t mean it was right in the first place. This might sound cold, but quite frankly, I don’t care. And stop trying to pop babies out in hopes that it’ll help you secure permanent or extended residence in the States. Furthermore, as an African American who knows the history of “her people” and knows that historically, as crappy and underpaid as they were, we were at least able to secure bottom of the totem pole positions and try to work our way up like other cultures…just with a few more institutionalized obstacles. In the past two decades or so, I have seen those jobs handed over to new immigrants, many of whom are Latino American, and to be honest, it is disheartening and slightly infuriating. I commend the legacy of hard work in this community – they are willing to do whatever work is necessary to provide for their families, and that’s commendable. But there are people that are legally here, that would also be willing to work these same menial jobs, that are not being given the opportunity because employers know they can hire illegals for cheaper to do the same work under the table. Where are we supposed to go? What are we supposed to do? Illegals are taking jobs that legal residents deserve and are using up a decent share of our tax money, and yes, this is an issue that annoys me, BUT Arizona, this is not the way to address these issues. I was taken aback by this latest news, but then a friend pointed out that it’s the home of John Mccain – ‘nough said.

Daddy's Home

2010-04-07T22:11:00.010-04:00

As I roam around in my car letting the latest jams blast through my speakers, up and out through my open windows, and drift into the flowing warm air of an abnormally hot summer, "Daddy's Home" by Usher repeatedly (and annoyingly) comes on every station's play list. Personally, I'm not a fan - I think he peaked with Confessions. Like, he went too hard on that whole album...to the point where I really don't see how he can top it. Add on the fact that he's seemed to take a cue from the success of Confessions by repetitively abusing his muse - i.e. let me find a woman, fall in love, have it all get messed up, and write an album surrounding it. Usher Raymond, fyi - while your listeners might not necessarily be the sharpest tools in the box, as a collective, any fool can see through that sub par "art" you're putting out. Your abs are no longer good enough to attract all your previously young fans - you know, the young ones you had gawking and flocking over you back when you were a young one. Quite a few of my twitter followers have been tweeting about how they wish a few artists would progress appropriately as they age. Guess who was atop that list? If you guessed Usher, give yourself a pat on the back (Mariah Carey was up there too)! Clearly, I'm no longer an Usher fan, but my lack of interest in Usher is not the focus of this post.

What I want to focus on is the string of questions that pop into my mind every time I hear this song:

Do other races refer to each other as Daddy/Mommy?
What is it about the Black community that promotes the referral to the Black man in a relationship as Daddy?
Why don't we really ever hear Mommy?
Does this all have something to do with the overabundant absence of father figures in Black communities?
Are males (namely Black) preying upon the "Daddy issues" running rampant among women in the Black community?
Are they trying to use these issues to usurp power and exert dominance in the relationship by having their women refer to them as "Daddy"?

I'd agree with the general notion that, as compared to other racial communities, that within the Black community, many Black women do not have a true or good Daddy of their own. I believe this absence of a good or stable father figure leaves many women of this demographic looking in all types of places for someone to fill that father figure. Now this is where "Daddy" has been inserted into relationships between men and women of this community. Note you don't really see relationships among other groups using this term outside of the context of when children are involved. But not for the Black community! We women want that father figure and somehow come to seek it in a spouse who should be an equal rather than some other member of our community. Can we not find someone to fill that role who is not intimately involved with us? Nope. We resort to calling our significant others, the ones who are supposed to be the other half of our give and take relationship, "Daddy." Yes, they normally do assume the role of protector and provider in the relationship, while we do assume roles usually associated with caring for things and planning out. Both sides are needed, yet, on some level, it has been made almost a given or something natural to do (i.e. calling your current mate "daddy"), even though we know on some level, there are certain connotations associated with that term (i.e. a submissive role for the person using the term). Hmm...

Now artists playing upon these issues...smh

And let's be real...Is Daddy really home? Nah. Well, at least not for long - just look at Usher's track record. At the end of the day, most of these relationships are bound to fail, resulting in another "Daddy" leaving yet another Black woman to fend for herself, leading to even more heartbreak, and more issues revolving around trust and expectations for "the Black man." Quietly, we know many of these "Daddies" run off to some non-Black girl, so...wait - why am I even discussing this? lol. Whatever, Black men really have come to annoy me more and more with each passing day. Clearly it's not a term I use or can picture myself using (again, unless we have children - then that's a little different). If you catch me calling a boyfriend "Daddy" I hereby give you permission to smack me upside the head!

Bullying --> Death?

2010-04-01T22:13:00.009-04:00

So, I'm sitting here watching AC360 (I'm a HUGE Anderson fan! Makes me feel alright about my greying condition, lol). But this topic of discussion right now is something that crushes my heart - children who are so cruelly bullied that they commit suicide.

I mean, it's come a long way since when I was a kid. Back then, bullying consisted of purposeful exclusion, maybe a little name calling, perhaps a mean prank phone call or something, but that was about it. I guess I was born at a unique time in the technological advancement where I saw the transition into the more rapid and easier forms of communication (i.e. texting, IMing, emailing, etc.). Even when the internet was just beginning to come into the home and AOL was the only real option of instant messaging, I recall people extending bullying or just meanness via internet. What once was restricted to school or to the playground, was now able to attack you in "safe places."

I liken it to the "Smoke Monster" on LOST (clearly, I'm also a huge fan of this). Originally, it was restricted by the pillars that kept it caged-in and unable to do harm outside of a defined area. Then, the pillars were turned off and it was allowed free-range to harm everyone on the island. Nowadays, nearly every student has a cell phone (or a side-kick, smh) and some type of IM account. Add in Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace (do people still use that?) and the opportunity for harassment is endless. Can you recall the awkwardness of middle school and high school? Granted, I think I had it alright...went to the same small school for a decade, fit in well and had a pretty good role among my friends and classmates. But even still, we all struggled gaining acceptance from our peers. And we all got teased at some point about something by someone...and we remember how much that hurt. If you make it through, which a few years ago I'd bet nearly everyone would because the bullying was never really that bad, surviving the bullying really made you a stronger, better, more compassionate person for it (or a bigger, badder person...depends on how you took it). Now, kids aren't making it through because it literally has the possibility of never ending.

No one likes torture (well, there are a select few that enjoy it, but we're not talking about them) and most people don't like going thru things alone. Where are the teachers and administrators? Apparently alongside the bullies, they too are having charges pressed against them. I say GOOD! They are grown. They went through all this themselves a few decades ago and they should intercede after a certain point. In addition, I've always been an advocate for addressing those that stand on the side and either laugh along or know better and do nothing. Not that they need to be punished, but clearly interventions are needed. AC360 has not one, but two different stories on tonight. I won't say that evil is prevailing, but it's doing alright at surviving and slowly spreading into deeper levels, and starting to affect younger and younger people.

.:All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing:. ...Edmund Burke...

As it stands, I do not want kids. lol. While I know my kids will be well-behaved, there's a sea of children out there with no guidance at home, no morals, no role models, and teachers that are afraid of the kids. I substitute teach at a Charter School - I see this daily and it truly saddens me. It hurts my heart to see our youth, our supposed future, not valuing life - not theirs and not their peers. As a result, they do senseless things without thinking of the consequences. They don't care if they hurt someone else, they don't see the value of helping others and have a very self-centered view of life. Even the threat of prison doesn't scare some of them. Shoot, even one of my kids at schools said he wants to go to prison when he grows up! Granted, he had some things confused and meant to say that if he keeps doing the things he does he knows that's where he'll be, but even still, he was alright with that possible reality. If these kids represent our future, what do you think this says about the face of the planet in 15-30 years?

I've said it hundreds of times, but I really do believe that the end of the world will come in our lifetime.

A Case of The Monday :(

2010-03-29T22:08:00.010-04:00

I'm not going to say I've never had a Case of The Mondays before, but it has had to be years since I had my last one. I try to start my week out right on Sunday and carry that over into the the beginning of the workweek, using that positive momentum to push me forward, enabling me to complete the week strong. I'm usually not aching for Friday or dragging myself through Hump Day. All-in-all, I typically value each day of the week and can appreciate the small goals and challenges I must complete and overcome to pass successfully to the next day. However, today was not that day...

I'm not sure if it related to my ever disintegrating structure of a typical workweek or what, but I'm starting to lose a sense of purpose and that is pushing me closer to that edge. What I mean is that, simply put, I like structure - a lot. I like having a somewhat predictable routine, needing to wake up at roughly the same time everyday, having tasks that need to be completed so that either I can progress or that others might benefit, things like that. And unlike many I know, I value the workweek not only because it helps provide a sense of purpose, but also because it helps me value the weekend. However, in recent months, it has been quite some time since I had a "routine." My primary job consists of telecommuting and I irregularly received my work, so I have highly irregular hours and work days (typically for this job I work M, W, Th, Fri, Sat/Sun, at random hours of the day/night). My supposedly consistent job at Barnes and Noble is spiraling down the drain like the rest of the US economy, causing our store to take drastic measure and cost everyone's hours (and by everyone, I clearly am not including the hours of the 15 managers we have running around the store...excessive? yes!). And then catering and substitute teaching are touch and go. All summing up to a major lack of structure in my life. Which means that I am losing my sense of direction, motivation, and desire to actively live (i.e. be productive).

Today might have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I woke up early (read: 7am) after going to bed late (read: 3am) to go to a doctor's appointment. Now, this was supposed to be just a quick eye exam so that my PCP could finish filling out forms I need completed for med school. How on Earth an eye exam turned into PPD shot 1 and a tetanus shot, I will never know. What I do know is 1) I have to pay for those with money I don't have and 2) my arm hurt all day. I was exhausted, so I came home and passed out until about 1pm. I woke to a still gloomy, overcast and drizzling, dreary day, which did not help to revitalize me.

I then ran to work to check out the week's schedule because I heard it had been changed. Come to find out, the evil Boss Woman cancelled a bunch of shifts for the week, including my one and only shift this week...meaning I don't go into work the following week, for which she has me scheduled during a time I am permanently unavailable. Pssh, I'm past the point of caring...I might just not show up. No call, no show = fired, this I know, BUT when you're repeatedly hardly scheduled to work, does that really make that big of a difference? Nah... Then, I had the misfortune of actually running into the woman. See, this Boss B is new, and hasn't really been introduced to anyone, but basically came in and cut people's hours, is highly unfavored, and her reputation precedes her. I now see why. I ran in to check the schedule, only to find a little group of my co-workers hovered around the schedule, confused and angry, talking to her about it. She then pauses, turns towards me, precedes to look me up and done like she's trying to evaluate me, and then rudely says something in this repulsed tone... Errr?!? Excuse me? Yall know I am not the one to offend and today was certainly not the day to push that button. I wanted to box that Boss B in the throat! Now, of course I'm not a violent person and would never actually do that, but...the thought did linger in my mind for a good minute. I'm almost impressed how quickly one person was able to turn a happy workplace into a depressive environment that people don't enjoy working in anymore. The change was literally overnight.

I leave there pissed that I now have ~14 days on my schedule without income and I am disturbed by my run-in with Boss B. I get home to find my first financial aid package in the mail. Apparently medical schools aren't big on providing financial aid? I'm broke, my EFC = 0, and yet somehow I'm expected to come up with the full amount not covered by Federal Loans (~$36K per year). Um...whaaaat?!? I'm hoping that it's just this one school that sucks in the financial aid department. I was recently at their Second Look and they more or less implied that they basically award everyone the same thing (i.e. nothing) and their students just sign the next 15-20+ years of their lives away to them. It's depressing to think I might be in debt until I'm in midlife...and people say doctors get paid too much - ha! Makes me consider taking an armed forces branch up on their offer to cover my medical education in exchange for some years of service...we'll see. I'm really hoping that it's just this school's weak point and that other institutions are stronger in this area.

So, we got shots/unexpected expenses, no income for 2 weeks right when I'm flying away for another Second Look, a slap in the face with the reality of the amount of debt I'm about to be buried alive in for the next two decades, and some crappy weather to boot. I don't think having to share a home with someone who telecommutes a minimum of 3 days a week and who apparently hates silence helps in the very least. Frustrated? Why yes, yes I am.

Just using the term "Case of The Mondays" makes me want to go and watch Office Space. Perhaps I will...Lord knows I could use a good pick-me-up!

Becoming the Healthiest Doc I Can Be...

2010-03-24T23:08:00.003-04:00

I start working out regularly this fall. I joined a local gym, hired a personal trainer I meet with twice a month, all that. Why? Because I want to be the healthiest person I can be and a healthy doctor. Personally, it irks me when I see unhealthy doctors - whether they're obese or smokers or just avid consumers of junk food, it really bothers me and makes no sense. I see part of the role of the doctor as being a role model for their patients. Lead by example - that's always my motto.

However, this quest to get fit has been a long and frustrating battle. It took forever and a day to see the scale move (granted, I was doing cardio and intense weight training...my trainer looks like Mr. Clean), but now that it's started, it's dropping consistently pretty nicely. I think keys things that have helped have been conscientiously increasing my water consumption (and what clear skin I have!) as well as sleep. While overweight, I've never really been a bad eater (well, Southern food in college aside), but I've learned to watch my portions and make sure to eat no later than 4 hours before bed. The hardest part is really when I'm out with friends (especially those late night meals...smh). I'm so happy the warmer weather has arrived. This week I've started moving my gym workouts to the morning and doing some other physical activity in the evening...trying to keep that metabolism up! Right now, I'm feeling the long, brisk walk at dusk, but I would love to join some type of local group sport, like tennis or basketball. Being outdoors as much as possible has somehow become one of my new favorite things (in addition to endorphins). Maybe it's the vitamin D I'm getting or all the beautiful colors emerging...I'm not sure.

Another issue that has been an obstacle in this journey to get fit is my PCOS. It's a condition I suffer that has the lovely side effect of increasing fat storage and resisting weight loss. Suffice it to say I have to work twice as hard to get the same results as the average person. But, I'm alright with that. I know what I must do, and am aware it's just going to take longer to do it. What is nice to see, is that without medication, I have started to naturally reverse the disorder. I had tried the medication before (not even currently an option, seeing as I lack insurance) and while I can drop weight much quicker on it, 1) the side effects are rough to adjust to, and 2) the changes are not permanent. At least this way, the changes I'm making will last forever. Plus, I'm not a fan of medicating when not absolutely necessary. Americans are completely overmedicated.

Biggest problem I face with working out - The Hair!!! Black women know this struggle all too well. On top of things, I do not have a relaxer. And while I'm alright with the texture and state of my natural head of hair, I have a problem with putting so much time and energy into getting it nice a prim for church only to have it back to drab by Monday evening. Well, if I do move to New Orleans, we all know I'll be investing in some braids. I have no idea how else to deal with that heat and humidity, and Lord knows I refuse to slap any chemicals into my hair to make it permanently straight.

Resolutions Update

2010-03-14T23:51:00.004-04:00

As part of my New Years’ Resolution this year, I pledged to lead a more minimalistic life. Seems simple enough, right? Cut back on excess in all areas and live happily with what you have. In doing so, I figured I would have increased amount of time to devote to old leisurely activities such as reading and piano. But then, as always, this simple process became unnecessarily complicated. I start thinking about what I’m ready to toss out, a process I actually get excited about – I love de-cluttering! However, then I start debating what to keep and what to toss. Seems simple, but in a minimalistic life, the few things left are highly representative of you. Yes, you possessed them all along, but now they stand out in stark contrast to the large amount of space you've acquired and really speak to who you are. Puts a bit of a damper on the happy-go-lucky throwing unimportant things away task when you feel pressured to carefully chose what you’re going to let represent you.

Then came the debate of "How far do I take it???" Part of me wanted to go down to the bare necessities. I’m talking about pants and a t-shirt all day, every day. At one point, I even wanted to take it to wearing either a white or a black tee every day, and khakis or jeans with plain shoes. I wanted to see how content I could be in my own skin with the bare essentials clothing me…no sparkling designs, or flashy earrings or shoes, or big bags – just me, as I am. Which then lead me to think that perhaps I need to do some research on minimalism. Maybe find an autobiography of some minimalistic revolutionary leader or the basic principles and philosophies behind minimalism. Then I thought – to be going minimalist, you are doing too much. This should not be some harried task, but rather a pleasured, effortless act exposing my more of soul to the everyday world - when you look this way, you see ME, not my material stuff.

Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I started cutting back little and little in different areas. First, I started minimizing time spent in front of the TV, or on the MacBook, or playing with technology in general. This transition was eased by an increased workload. Then I went on to no purchasing of unnecessary items that are not essential to life. I must say, I have done rather well in the “No Shopping” department. I did buy a pair of silver-studded booties from Macy's, HOWEVER, I purchased them with a gift card I received for Christmas. Plus, black is the most basic color you can get, right? And, ideally, I would love to be at a point where I open my closest and I have very simple choices facing me of what to wear, not a million choices for what to cover each part of my body with. However, at the same time, I think I'm way too creative of a person to ever live like that contently for an extended period of time. Shoot, I think I nearly went crazy for that decade I spent in uniforms. I did everything I could to add my own little twist to the monotony of life at there.

This is the way a friend put it… “…the way I see it, I don't want anything I deem unnecessary or excessive or just not special to me in whatever way I require, BUT I do want to have my creative enjoyment…I want to have enough things but only ones that I really like and value…to keep finding/purchasing things above a certain par of being worthwhile to me and keep ridding myself of unnecessary things…that way I guess my inventory would stay about the same but be much more effective.”

I think that perfectly summarizes where I want to be in this journey toward minimalism...at least for now. I think I'm going to make some big cuts as I continue this moving process. Slight tangent: I am most likely moving come May, so I went ahead and rented a Public Storage unit so that I can start slowly moving out of this house, rather than having to do one big rushed move. Personally, I think it's a genius idea! And, I'm going to use this slow move to kill two birds with one stone: 1) greatly decrease the anxiety and stress of moving by spreading it out over many weeks and 2) use it to cut my accumulation of "stuff" at least in half. Wish me luck!

Best Thing I've EVER Done!!!

2010-03-10T19:33:00.014-05:00

As someone who's lost a parent at a young age, it didn't take much, if anything, to convince me of the worthwhileness of Comfort Zone Camp. As soon as I heard it's mission, I couldn't help but become involved as quickly as possible. However, as the days approached, I became more apprehensive than imaginable. Questions started popping into my head as to whether I'd be a good Big Buddy to the kids and whether the camp would live up to it's reputation. I mean, it had been hyped up to this phenomenal weekend camp that had the power to transform the lives of both campers and volunteers in roughly a 48 hour period. How could anything possibly live up to that? As a child, I was continuously warned to "keep my highs low, and my lows high," so while I knew the camp was very positive and that my experience would be good, I was trying not to expect some nearly supernatural experience this past weekend. However, that is exactly what I received...

I was discussing my experience on the phone with a dear friend Sunday night (actually, it's the friend that put me on to the camp). We both agree, no matter how detailed it is described, it is one of those "you gotta see it to believe it" things. The experience there is considered "life within the camp bubble," and a bubble it truly is. By the end of camp, which started roughly at 2:30pm Friday and ended at 4:00pm Sunday, I could have sworn I was there a good week. They really cram so much into every minute of the weekend, and you turbo-bond like never before. I left camp feeling like I knew some of these people for years and we were now best friends.

Beyond the miraculous slowed down and elongated time phenomenon experienced there, I really met some people (both young and old) I would consider superhuman. I'd rank these kids among some of the strongest humans I have ever met. If I had gone through what some of them went through, I'm not too sure I would have made it out - let alone as strong and determined as they were. The unimaginable stories of these children's lives - what they lived through before, during, and after their losses - made me cry all weekend...as did their stories of resilience and firmness of purpose.

If you have ever caught yourself wondering where all the good people in the world are hiding, the answer is here. So many people from all walks of life, united for the common cause of simply being a listening ear and an untiring encouragement to these children learning to navigate the grieving process. Selfless individuals continually smiling and giving of themselves and their difficult stories they cry to to be inspirations and sources of support for these kids.

There was a shirt being sold at camp that said on the front "CZC Supporter" and on the back it read "I helped a child realize they are not alone." You have no idea how much I wanted to buy the shirt (I will one day...didn't bring money)! It's the truth though. A old theme of camp was that when you lost someone close to you, it felt as if a puzzle piece to your heart was missing. And not only was it missing and you could feel that emptiness, but that lacking piece was visible and evident to those around you, thus making you feel different. And we all know, most kids don't want to be different, most kids (especially teens) want to be accepted, not to feel alone. However, the transformations I witnessed this weekend were incredible. I watched children arrive, some willingly and other forced to come, untrusting of a world that had snatched a loved one from them unexpectedly, uneasy to speak, some unsmiling, and I was a little overwhelmed for a moment. That's when I downed the free adult-sized coffee, turned on the smile, channeled my inner teenage camper and ran to meet my Little. By the end of the week, everyone was smiling and laughing, kids that had stopped performing activities since their loved ones died were performing before the entire camp at the closing memorial service, and children who couldn't even bare to mention the names of their lost ones ending camp by verbally paying homage to them. These numerous powerful transformations almost brought me to my knees.

To know that the amount of love and positive energy, and the opportunity to vent in a safe space, all contained in a 48 hours period, is enough to tangibly change the lives of ~65 kids...I mean, talk about having an impact on the world. I worked with teenagers, and you could see some of them coming into camp with destructive habits and behaviors forming, and leaving a changed individual, hopefully steered back on-course, able to overcome obstacles that will inevitably present themselves on their road to reaching their full potential.

I come away feeling blessed to have had this opportunity and to experience such a powerful force. I feel honored to have connected so deeply with those in my HC, who trusted me enough to share their stories with me. And I hope that the small bit of my story that I shared was of benefit to someone else. I've never felt this happy and hopeful before :)

.:There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you:. ...Maya Angelou...

Can’t See the Forest Through the Trees

2010-03-04T19:47:00.010-05:00

These past few weeks have been rough. Aside from my typical yearlong struggle with finances and other things, there have been many battles my family has been facing in recent months, all seeming to snowball to the point where one day I just know I’m going to wake up to a full-blown disaster and be left speechless. I pray that day doesn’t come (we’ve already had a few serious scares), but at the rate situations are spiraling out of control, I really don’t expect much else.

Through all the chaos swirling around me, blurring my sight of my life goals, I try to remind myself how blessed I am. I try to visualize how far God has brought my family within a few generations. I try to recall His promises and remember His grace and love. But, sometimes it’s hard, almost too hard, to hear myself over the cacophony arising all around me. Whether its trouble at one of my jobs, or harassment from the government (who just can’t seem to keep my deferment of loans straight), or the home phone ringing nonstop about the latest emergency situation halfway across the country we are trying to fix, it seems that there is always at least three things blaring to get my attention. Sometimes, I wish I could just drift to sleep and wake up 10-15 years down the road and see how everything has resolved itself. I mean, I know that God is in control and that everything that is occurring is happening for a specific purpose, even if only to develop something within me, but it is tiring.

I don’t think this volunteering opportunity could have come at a better moment in time for me. This weekend, starting tomorrow afternoon, I will be completely cell phone-free and unreachable while I volunteer at Comfort Zone Camp. This camp is the largest bereavement camp in the nation, geared towards children ages 7-17 who have lost a parent, a caregiver, or a sibling. Volunteers, called “Big Buddies,” get paired with a camper and our goal is to be a “big ear with arms to hug” for the children, to help them through their coping process. I am nervous and excited beyond measure. A good friend of mine volunteer with the camp last year, and once she filled me in on the details, I could feel my heart strings tugging and knew there was no way I could not join in this effort. As I sit here and a read a little background information on my camper, I am so nervous that I won’t be a good enough Big Buddy. However, from reading about the type of person she is, I can tell that I will have to pour all of myself into her and her weekend in order to make a breakthrough – what an exhilarating possibility! Interesting thought, right? That completely emptying yourself into another human being is a wholly filling and fulfilling experience...

I say this couldn’t have come at a better moment because I believe that volunteering helps better appreciate that which we’ve been blessed with. And I know that I am blessed beyond measure – there is no way, looking at my family history, that I would logically end up where I am today if not for the hand of God…none. However, I’m feeling a bit trapped amongst the trees. I’m so embroiled in my daily battles that have seemingly been raging for ages (in reality, it’s only been a few months, lol…got to love the relativity of time!) that I’ve lost sight of the big picture – the beautiful forest I’m in. As Talib Kweli raps, “life is a beautiful struggle.” Sure, there are nasty, thorny trees with large gnarled roots waiting to tangle and trip us up as we make our way through, but the big picture is that splendidly beautiful forest of endless opportunities and blessings that comprise a majority of our individual spheres of reality. Not every tree in there is a potential hazard, threatening to jeopardize our future…some are delicious fruit bearing trees there to sustain us, while others provide us shelter, while others serve medicinal purposes. Point is, I bet for every one bad tree, as seemingly large, menacing, and insurmountable it might appear to us, there are probably a good ten other trees around us, possibly appearing smaller, but bearing substantial benefits to our wellbeing. For whatever reason, the bad ones are always more noticeable. That’s why it’s great to have a rest, where you can be lifted out of your own little forest and be able to take a peak into someone else’s. Chances are, you won’t like what you see any better and when you go back into your forest, the bad trees will seem a lot smaller than they formerly appeared. Just a hunch.

Haha. I’m sitting here all nervous and giddy like a schoolgirl on the night before the first day of classes! I’m pumped! I can’t wait to get up, get out, make a difference, and come back the old me!

Reading Correctly

2010-03-04T00:36:00.010-05:00

Don't ask me where this thought even came from, but I was just thinking about how easy school has always been for me and how everything seemed to come naturally from the start (arguably, this could be re-written as "never really challenged in my primary education" ha). I think I stumbled on this because I was thinking of how ready I am to get back into the classroom and start learning more, and how much I cannot wait to be a doctor. Then my mind drifted onto an theory I firmly believe: irrespective of the field, reading is essential to success. I firmly believe that most successful people in most areas like to read. Now, they might not like to read any- and everything, but at least in regards to their areas of expertise, they read in their spare time, and they don't mind doing the hours of research (read: reading) necessary to take lead in their fields, to discover new things, or to simply learn from those who came before them.

But then it hit me - back in 2nd grade I had a terrible battle with one subject in particular: reading! You see, I had attended a very small private school (I mean, there were 7 kids in my first grade class...shout out to Lane Robbins!!!) and they had their own little philosophy on learning. One area they really emphasized was getting students interested in reading very early on (apparently, they too thought reading was key to success). So, in essence, they focused on getting us to read and to like participating in the activity, and didn't want to deter us from it, so they opted not to correct us when we messed up. They emphasized encouragement of actively trying to get ourselves through books, rather than getting through correctly. While I do think this helped us enjoy activity, you can imagine what types of bad habits were picked up, never broken, and possibly positively reinforced... So yes, as a little tyke, I loved reading, but Lord only knows what illogical phrases were coming out of my mouth during those early years.

As I said, the school was tiny, and as such, only went up to 1st grade. Therefore, I transferred to a local Christian school (clearly, mom was not a fan of the local public school system...it did have a bad rep). When I got there, I was on-pace or ahead of my classmates in all areas except for reading/reading comprehension. I had to spend extra time unlearning the false things instilled in me at my former school and learning how to do the basics correctly. Now, clearly I don't remember any of this, but my mom has told me about it on more than one occasion. I spent a lot of time and energy that year getting caught up with my peers and learning how to read correctly. Funny thing is I arguably became the best reader in my class, always volunteering to read aloud and focusing extra hard on my spelling and vocabulary words (even placed in the division spelling bee a few times). I'm all about the "that which does not kill us only makes us stronger."

This reminds me of something my friend wrote the other day as a fb status: everyone is weak and everyone is strong. we're strong because we're weak.At first look, I immediately dismissed it. I said, "Pssh. That makes no sense. I hate weakness," and I preceded to close my mind. Then, feeling slightly guilty, I decided to think it through a bit and thought, "I hate weakness, but I guess that hate for my own weakness pushes me to be better...making weakness a strength." My friend swiftly kicked me in the rear with reality and stated, "You probably didnt see what I meant BECAUSE you hate weakness and maybe you didnt want to see it that way...that's just a human thing." Ouch! Isn't that the truth though? We see what we want to see and turn aside contradictory interpretations or information that would cause us to rethink our position. In psychology, it's called the confirmation bias, and is one of the most basic heuristics (read: cognitive shortcuts) employed by humans to make better sense of their world when resources are limited (i.e. time, energy). Heuristics are good and necessary for, as I mentioned, conditions where we are pressed for time and need to make quick decision, but what happens when we start to rely on them aside from these circumstances? When we carry them over into everyday life?

Clearly no answer I give holds true across all situations, but I will still venture my personal philosophy. When we use these cognitive shortcuts intended for scenarios where it's impossible for most appropriate cues to be taken into consideration, we run the risk of misreading situations. Cognitive shortcuts work because, subconsciously, they take the most salient cues that have proven successful in predicting outcomes over time and use them to draw a quick conclusion. Works fairly well when you just can't pay enough attention to everything you should be using to arrive at an answer. However, when you unnecessarily ignore these other cues and rely on shortcuts to draw conclusions under normal circumstance, you are in fact misreading the situation. You are not taking into account all you should and are therefore doing yourself a disservice. You are hastily and unnecessarily drawing conclusions. In short, if left unchecked, you succumb to living life based on stereotypes and prejudices.

What strikes me as funny is how I read now. I am an avid skimmer of non-leisurely texts. This includes, but is not limited to, AIM, fb, twitter, instructions, emails...basically everything I don't innately find interesting or chose to read on my own. What I find myself doing many times is rushing through the texts, not taking things in fully, and misreading and/or misinterpretting them. In short, I read through a heuristically-coated lens. And you see where that gets me, right? Looking a fool from time to time when I respond according to what I assumed was written as opposed to what was there in reality. Lesson of the Day, kiddies: Heuristics of out context = BAD! Hmmm, part of me wonders if subconsciously my skimmings are biased by my initial reading mishaps back in primary school. Are these initial errors ingrained in my subconscious? Perchance...Whatever the case, one must read correctly, both literally and cognitively, in order to succeed. You can't get it right if you don't comprehend correctly.

Twitter Inspirations

2010-02-25T00:23:00.008-05:00

Twitter. I don’t know how, but in the past few months, it’s become so intertwined with my life that I can’t begin to imagine Internet life pre-Twitter...sad, I know. Still, the whole idea of twitter is semi-repulsing, and yet something about it is so addicting. It’s repulsing because it’s essentially saying “Hey, look at me! I believe my life is so important that you need to ‘follow me,’ because you know you care about everything I do and think.” Sounds just like an egocentric American point of view to me (I’m assuming an American created Twitter). Way to appeal to our already inflated egos, developers. Yet, it’s addicting because apparently we do care (or, we come to care through repetitive use). It really is a large chat room for you and your followers to spit random information out. Eh, for all it’s good and all it’s bad, I love it! Yes, I’m a dumb sheep blindly following this crowd with my fellow tweeters. Bleat!! Bleat!!

Personally, I’m not really one to follow celebrities (to each their own, it’s just not my thing…I don’t really care about what most of them think or have to say), however, some of them catch me by surprise every now and again. I recently started following Lil’ Wayne. Someone was trying to hate and say that he needs to not be high all the time so he can tweet logical stuff, so I went to his page to see what all the fuss was about. I have no idea the level of sobriety of the man when he tweets, but I will say that they are actually deep, and quietly, might serve as a basis for some of my future posts. Dare I say, I’d encourage you to join Twitter if only to follow Weezy F. Baby and push yourself to think a little deeper and a little differently. Doubt me? Look at the #lilwaynedeeptweets TT. (sometimes, I can’t believe how integrated Twitter jargon is into my daily communication)

However, as much of a fan of Lil’ Wayne as I am, this post is actually driven by a post by Tyra Banks, whom I don’t even follow. “woke up before my alarm this morning. early bird gets the worm! Wats w/ that saying anyway? Do u think getting up early gets u more in life?” As someone who has her fair share of troubles with sleep, I often find myself waking up obscenely early for no particular reason – no work to rush off to, no class to go to or cram for, i.e. no real responsibility. When I find myself up and semi-alert with nothing to do, I usually wind up quoting this very same thing to myself for inspiration to do something - “The early bird catches the worm.” I say it for inspiration, but am I lying to myself just to feel a little less worthless for wasting time by being up unnecessarily? Hmmm…

Without thinking twice, I’d say it’s probably not the truth. Let’s analyze. From a purely literal analysis of the quote, two easy arguments could be made to dispel this notion. 1) The early bird probably only catches the early worm. What happens if the bird is earlier than the worms? Could he, in fact, starve from wasting energy waiting around for the worms to crawl out of their holes? Perhaps. Plus, he’s still got to be stronger, smarter, and faster than the other early birds that are likely to pop up and fight for those early worms - it’s never just you! 2) I’m sure that as long as you’re not the last of the birds to get up, you’ll still catch a worm. Might not be the first worm, might not be the fattest, juiciest worm imaginable, and it might not be your preferred worm, but you’ll probably still scrounge enough to survive to see another day.

Moving outside the context of literality and into real world application, do I really think getting up earlier gets me more in life? In short, probably not. Not unless I am fully functioning when I wake up, which 90% of the time couldn’t be further from reality. Regardless, there is something to be said about waking up early and getting thing accomplished by noon, that most people couldn’t squeeze into a 24-hour day. So, I suppose that if I wake up with enough time to shake off my grogginess and still have a significant amount of time left before others arise, then yes, I think I will get more out of life than the average person. I think I definitively will get more accomplished each day and still have “me time,” with the additive effect of accomplishing more over the course of my life than most people will by the time they hit mid-life…or at least that’s my goal.
I’m not really sure about the applicability of the bird analogy to my life, but I’ve found this old African proverb a bit more appealing.

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.   It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.  Every morning a lion wakes up.  It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.   It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.  When the sun comes up, you better start running.

Nothing like the prospect of death to light a fire under your behind! Let’s go!!!

FAIL.

2010-01-26T14:26:00.002-05:00

So, apparently I suck at blogging. Or maybe I just suck at juggling two blogs...yeah, that's probably it. In any event, my bad yall. Quick recap of life. I work a lot, I quit the whole vegetarian thing (actually wasn't hard to do, I just wasn't getting enough protein...might try again in the future), and other than that I'm just trying to enjoy my last few months of freedom before I get reigned back into being a hermit in the library.

I will say that I'm rooting hard for the Saints to take the Superbowl. I'm ~95% sure I'm going to chose Tulane, so I figured why not join in the NOLA mentality from Jersey. So, #geauxSaints! (And yes, I incorporate twitter into my other daily communications...#dontjudgeme)

In other random news, I think my job is desensitizing my hands. I just spilled a hot venti tea on my hands and it didn't even hurt :/ Something tells me that's not a good sign though...

Ok, I'm really going to make an effort to write at least a little something a few times a week, starting now!

Going Vegetarian :)

2009-10-08T23:41:00.009-04:00

You all know how impulsive I can get... So, today, I decided that I am going to make a somewhat drastic life change and go vegetarian!!! I can hardly believe it. As I sit and read story after story and article upon article on sites like GoVeg.com, I grow more convinced that this will in fact be a great decision.

Oddly enough, this all started after a period of fasting. I've been toying with fasting lately (well, perhaps I shouldn't use the word toy, as it implies playing games, and I don't play games with spiritual matters) and after my last one, I have no desire to reintroduce meat into my body. I don't even know why. I read about Daniel and his fast of fruits and vegetables, and something about his story resonated deeply with my soul. I'm not sure what, but I know this must be deep because I reached this conclusion as the aroma of mom's Jamaican curry chicken (my favorite meal) cooking in the crock pot flooded the house. For me to make a 30-day vow swearing off meat amidst that glorious smell means that this is serious. And yes, I said 30-days. I'm going to start with a trial period. I spent hours tonight on GoVeg.com and stumbled upon an online pledge from PETA vowing to play vegetarian for 30-days to live a "healthier, more compassionate life."

Now, I don't know about being more compassionate, but I do plan on being healthier. Just think of all the increased nutrients you take in by substituting veggies for meats. And think of how many days it takes for your body to fully process and digest meats versus the hours it takes to do so for fruits and veggies. Wave good-bye to any digestive issues and sluggishness after meals. That's right, I've said Good-bye! to The Itis!!! lol. I love it already! And unlike someone else I know who went "vegetarian," I will NOT be turning into a carbotarian. That's right, I said carbotarian (can't take credit for that hilarious term). This one girl I know refers to herself as a "vegetarian," but I swear the only vegetable I've seen her eat are potatoes in the form of french fries :/ Yikes. That's an excellent way to carbo-load and gain weight...I'll pass. As far as thinking of good recipes, I've already started. Tonight for dinner, I made a Portobello and Pineapple Black Bean with Corn Quesadilla (whole weat, of course) - can we say oralgasmic? It was delicious. I love how my mom stood in the corner of the kitchen staring at me in amazement at 1) how good the food looked and smelled and 2) how natural and efficient I was in the kitchen (she's never home when I cook). I was so good I nearly licked the plate. Perhaps I'll take a picture next time...maybe even chronologize this process. I hear that your taste buds even heighten and a lot of different ethnic food varieties are explored as one ventures into the world of vegetarianism. I'm pumped!

As for being more compassionate...I refuse to watch the videos they have posted on the website of the inhumanity animals face to feed us. First off, I don't want to watch it because I'm sure it's repulsive (the freeze-frame of one has this huge human hand wrapped around the throat of a chicken. Gee, I wonder how that ends...I don't know, blood quirting everywhere?!?). Secondly, I believe animals were put on this earth for human use - God gave us dominion over animals. Therefore, (and I believe I've written about this before) I don't really care how bad it looks to rear and kill this animals to promote human health. Call it inhumane if you want, but guess what? Animals are not human, so treating them inhumane makes sense to me.

Quietly, I'm curious to see a snapshot of my life in 10-15 years. I could picture myself a sold-out, Go Green! vegetarian (maybe even vegan) with locks and a locked-up hubby and a few lil' rugrats running around the house in all-natural fibers - Yeah, I said it. lol I'm curious to see how this all turns out slash how long this will last...

2009-10-07T18:14:00.002-04:00

Newsflash: I have no life. Between these jobs, one of which (the one paying the bills) is flippant about paying us, and all the med school interviews, I have no free time. I actually have so many thoughts running thru my mind that I want to blog about, yet...no time. Keep me in your prayers!!!

Think/Feel vs. Know

2009-09-28T20:09:00.007-04:00

So, I just finished my first interview last Monday, and I must say it went pretty well (or at least that's what I think). In retrospect, I would admit that I might have slightly overstudied, however, I think that overstudying helped me feel properly prepared for any question that might be thrown my way. For instance, I thoroughly investigated various aspects of health care reform, from the history of health care in the US to the role of insurance industries and lobbyists in keeping the discussion of reform off the table. Was I specifically asked for my views on health care in the US? No. Did the topic of health care come up in conversation? Yes. Consequently, I was able to integrate the research I had done to make an informed, backed-up statement about...however brief it might have been.

I have two more interviews scheduled in the next two weeks and I'm trying my best to not let this first interview negatively affect my upcoming ones. I was so nervous and confused about what would happen at my first interview that it drove me to do intense research and preparation. However, now that it is over and I absolutely loved the school and I think I have a good chance of receiving an acceptance offer come October 15th (keeping fingers crossed), I find it ridiculously hard to force myself to study and prepare for the next ones. I really don't think it helps that I fell in love with the school and I honestly couldn't picture a medical school that will help mold me into the type of physician I desire to be - it had so many unique opportunities available and such a loving and happy and unstressed student body and a wonderfully caring administration. It is definitely my top choice now and any school I subsequently am blessed to interview at will be stacked up again it.

While it's nice to know that I have potentially secured a spot at a school I love, it makes it difficult taking preparation for other schools seriously. I am trying my best. I do feel that it is important to make a truly informed decision, especially on something as big as medical school selection. In order to accomplish this, it means I need to put my best foot forward for all schools and to act as if each is the only school I am being considered at. Easier said than done.

What also isn't helping is that the interview at this school was extremely laid back. I felt like they were truly just trying to get to know who I am as a person, what my interests are, and assessing how well I liked the area and would fit in with their community. In sum, it was a lovely, relaxing experience. But, I'm no fool. I know that not every med school interview is going to be laid back and solely focused on me. I anticipate some will focus on (or at least touch upon) topics such as health care reform, issues in medical ethics, and current events. Do I feel prepared for such a conversation? As of yet, I'm not sure. I do feel that I have a base understanding of such things, but I still don't feel thoroughly prepared to engage in discourse on such subject matters. But, will I ever feel ready? My guess is no. My guess is that I will never know exactly where I stand on anything. I will never know every aspect of every feasible issue - I am only human and the sea of information (usually overwhelming in quantity and saturated with bias) is easy to drown in. I do feel that I can hold a conversation well and that I have enough info crammed in my head to convincingly support my opinions. There goes that 4-letter F-word again: feel. Ah, feelings...can make you believe you're sitting pretty on cloud 9, when reality says you're slowly sinking down toward hades. lol. Or, vice versa for my optimists.

Guess I better step my game back up with this interview prep thing before my feelings of security lead me down a deceptive, self-assured path heading straight towards rejections and waitlists. Yikes. Now there's a motivating image. Time to get to it!

(I completely borrowed this post from my other blog. Sue me.)

Go Easy on CBreezy...

2009-09-15T13:19:00.009-04:00

I meant to touch upon this a while ago, but alas, life got busy :/ Anywho, I caught the Chris Brown interview on Larry King Live and subsequently followed the responses of hundreds of Americans via Twitter. I am so appalled by America. First of all, who are all of you to judge anyone else?!? I'll be the first to say that I do not in any way condone domestic violence, but CB wasn't condoning what he did. He didn't have to come out and offer anyone (other than Rihanna) an apology, and yet he humbly put himself before the entire country/world and did so.

Rewinding right quick to his Internet apology, a lot of people said it seemed insincere and they just didn't believe it. Let me ask you naysayers a question. How nervous do you imagine you'd feel if you new you were about to make a public apology (about an act your are already ashamed of yourself for) that would be repeatedly watched and scrutinized indefinitely, and that every word and gesture you'd make would be picked apart? Personally, I'd be scared to death. I'd probably be sweating profusely, shaking nervously, and agitatedly fidgeting. Honestly, I'd probably be so nervous I wouldn't even go through with it. Was he reading off a TelePrompter? Yes. Were those his feelings behind the words, no matter how unemotional you might have perceived his voice? Yes. And let's face it, while that young man can sing, he's never been the best, most loquacious public speaker. I'm not particularly sure why people thought that all of a sudden he was going to kick it into eloquent speaker gear and arouse deep-seated emotions in the viewers. Please spare me. He did something most of us wouldn't have the nerve to go through with. I applaud him.

Now, back to the Larry King Live interview. A lot of people cannot seem to get past the fact that Chris can't remember actually hitting Rihanna. From personal experience, I'll say that I 100% believe him. I've been in an impromptu scuff before. I'll give you the short version of the story. We were at a very nice club and lounge and we were meeting up with a group of guys. They had bought a table, thus they had the right to dictate who could sit in the area and who could not. They (the guys and the club) had repeatedly asked this group of hoodrat girls (how they got in, I have no idea) to relocate, but the farthest the girls would go was to the other end of the table. So enter us. We come in, the guys are being extra nice to us, buying bottles of champagne and sliced strawberries (p.s. fellas, that last one is a nice touch!) - the works. We're all in engaging conversations, then my friend and I go to the bathroom. We come back, and the three of us decide to go dance. All I remember happening is my tall friend walking onto the dance floor and then one of the hoodrats yelling "Your friend kicked me!" and lunging onto my other friend. Ut-oh. I remember being pulled left as the girl tackled my friend to the right of me. Next thing I know, we're in the back room. I have no recollection of what transpired, how long this altercation lasted - I was literally blacked out by adrenaline. Shoot, if you had asked me what had happened, I would've said that I wasn't involved...that is until I realized an earring of mine had been snatched out, along with some of my hair, shoes were scratched up beyond repair, I had bruises, oh and I left the other girl on the floor...right. When you snap, you snap. You don't know what happened or exactly how you snapped, but you know that you did.

Chris is very tight-lipped about the events leading up to the event (I suspect out of respect to Rihanna, but I could be wrong). In doing so, we have absolutely no idea what prompted his "snap," and as such, people need to fall back on the judging! We all know he grew up in a home where domestic violence occurred (bless him and his mom for having to publicly relive all those old buried emotions), and we have no idea what effect that had on him subconsciously. None whatsoever. For all we know, she could have called him something or struck him that triggered a series of reactions in his brain that caused him to lose control momentarily. Paired with the fact that he's a strong young man who's been trained in martial arts, his snapping physically on someone is not the same as you or I snapping on someone. Cut the guy some slack.

The only comment I agree with was that the bow tie was not working. As for everything else negative said, fall back hypocritical America - Fall.Back. I know you all would not deal well with every flaw and transgression of yours publicly broadcast.

Tired.

2009-09-08T20:26:00.007-04:00

Busy, busy, busy...almost to the point of being stressed out. So, if you remember (or care), say a prayer for me.

Working 1.5 jobs. Looking for a third. Just dropped off my mom's health insurance plan (yet again). Can't afford another one or Cobra. Thinking a third job might be able to cover my health insurance? Applying to med school. Have two interviews coming up. Trying to call people and prepare for those. I also have another blog, that I put more time into (sorry). I try to squeeze in some sleep everyday. Bills are piling up. People aren't paying me on-schedule. Sometimes, you just want to scream...or cry...or maybe a little bit of both, simultaneously. Having a hard time keeping up with friends and family - my apologies. I swear, if I can survive 2009, I can survive anything! Slightly injured...lots of knee pain, but no insurance :/ I take 20+ pills full of vitamins, herbs, and minerals because I'm terrified if I get minorly sick, it'll develop into something big. (i.e. I had a common little bit of stuffiness the other month...turned into a sinus infection...somehow turned into tonsilitis = I kept losing my voice, my tonsils were engorged, difficulty breathing, and lots of pain...required a lot of antibiotics to get rid of...can't afford that now). I'm tired. I run back and forth between Jersey, Philly, and NY and I.am.tired.

But, through it all, I try to remind myself that my God is also known as Jehovah-Jireh (My Provider). Looking for miracles #208-#213 of the year ;)

CCR3, GATA-1, Blah blah blaaaaaAAAAHHH!!

2009-08-25T18:09:00.008-04:00

This post is seriously for my own good - I honestly can't find anyone interested in reading what I'm about to write, I know how people spazz out when they start reading scientific jargon...just want to keep a brief record of what I'm learning in these articles.

Latest article was entitled Analysis of the CCR3 promoter reveals a regulatory region in exon 1 that binds GATA-1...told you it's a bit on the drier side of biomed articles. Actually, it's not that it's boring, I just hate reading these articles based heavily on molecular biology and genetics that don't explicitly tie into some pathology. I mean, the article delves into analyzing the regulation and expression of the CCR3 gene among various cell lineages, but doesn't go one step further into hypothesizing implications in a real world context (i.e. the role of CCR3 in HIV-1 infection), leaving me thirsty for a little bit more...

So yeah, the article starts by stating that while many cells in our bodies express CCR3, the main ones that accumulate after administration of eotaxin are namely eosinophils. This is somewhat unexpected, as one would expect that all cells expressing this receptor would bind to the specified ligand. Logically, one would suspect that there is some sort of differential regulation occurring, where eosinophils are expressing CCR3 and for some reason these other cells aren't, right? In short, researchers found that TFs, namely GATA-1, bind to exon 1 in the gene, thus regulating its transcription. Findings were reinforced using transgenic mice.

Fun, fun, fun. I've been working on annotating this one article for the past 2 weeks. Thankfully, the next one looks a bit more interesting. The first set of articles dealt extensively with research in arthritis using mice models of AA to relate to RA in humans. This next set of articles seems to deal with different features of HIV infection - yay! I think HIV infection and progression of the disease is genetically and cellularly fascinating! Yes, I admit I have transformed into a huge nerd.

Detroit Bailout

2009-08-11T14:03:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to talk about this for quite a while. Now that I've finally mastered the art of providing myself "me time," by turning off electronic devices, sitting in my big over-sized chair and meditating, I find that there are plenty of hours in the day to get all accomplished that I need to...including blogging more regularly.

Now, back to this Bailout and my related thoughts. It is said repeatedly in the Bible that "...visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, and on the third and the fourth generations..." I know that US motor companies, particularly Ford, stand as icons in American history as a testament to the ingenuity, entrepreneurship, and foresight that characterizes the American people. The publicized history of these corporations is a testament to "The American Dream" and the greatness one can achieve with a vision and hard work.

Beyond the inherent fallacies underlying the ease of pursuing "The American Dream," is there is much to be said about the untold history of these American motor companies. My maternal family is from the Detroit metro area. Generations of my family have worked for Ford Motor Company at some point in their lives and so I have been told a history of the company that many others don't know about.

My grandparents both moved up to the Detroit area from the South during the whole industrial revolution we read about in US History II back in high school. My grandfather worked hard at multiple jobs to provide for his wife and children, as well as to help his many brothers and sisters at home back in North Carolina. One of the jobs he worked was on the Ford assembly line - working hard, long hours doing the same job as his white co-workers, but being paid less than 25% of the pay they received. At the time of my mom's birth, the suburb my grandparents lived in was a shanty town of cardboard homes, setup by Ford - that's right, by Ford! Granted, the town has developed since then, and hopefully employees are being paid equally, regardless of race, but Ford literally built their empire on racist practices. They saved a ton of money by hiring numerous poor Blacks who were willing to take any job they could find in order to support their families (think US sweatshops full of Blacks).

Is it any surprise that a company built on a history of such racism is finally starting to feel the consequences of their actions? Do I think the current Ford owners, CEOs, top brass are racist or prejudice? I have no idea. I really wouldn't be surprised, but in all fairness, I have no data to make a claim either way. I'm sure many don't see what has happened in Motor City quite the way I view it, but this is my page to rant. I don't believe God honors a company based initially on such horrid practices, much the way I foresee a downfall of America in the near future. [aside: interestingly, when I discuss this notion of the sins of the fathers visiting the sons, people scoff, but when I use the term karma, everyone seems to agree...hmmm....]

Despite all this, I still have mixed feelings on The Bailout. I feel bad for the hundreds that have been laid off or who live in fear that they might lose their jobs at any moment. The ramifications of this economic crisis still astounds and saddens me. I know I should never take pleasure in another's misfortune, but I can't help but grin just a little bit and the shame brought up the heads of US Motor companies in the recent past. It's about time their shady selfish practices have been brought to light.

New Job!

2009-08-05T18:56:00.005-04:00

As if it has not been said before, GOD IS GOOD! After months of searching for a full-time job, I have finally been hired. In addition to finally having an income, I have been blessed with a job related to the biomedical field and which enables me to telecommute (thus, saving on rent and/or substantial gas money). Through the Institute for Research in Cognitive Science at the University of Pennsylvania, I work doing biomedical text annotations for a much larger project being conducted at the University of Wisconsin.

My primary functions consist of reading through biomedical research articles from various sources and dissecting them word by word, clause by clause. The main focus of my position is syntax. In doing so, I note explicit relationships and infer implicit relationships between words and clauses, thoughts and concepts. As an annotator, I have mastery of graduate level English and grammatical structure, as well as an understanding of biomedical terminology, concepts in immunology, cell biology, and other advanced biological studies.

The purpose of the work we are doing is to further progress stores of knowledge that will make artificial intelligence, now called natural language processing (NLP), a reality. We are in the process of creating a database of information about the syntax of words, in the hopes that in the future, it will be possible to have a conversation with a computer operated machine. As of now, automated services exist by a series of prompts. We hope that our efforts will push computer interaction towards conversation mimicking real conversations; based on the words strung together in your sentences, the computer can use our syntax database to construct a probabilistic model to determine what you are saying and how best to respond.
Sounds fun, right? Today was Day One, and I absolutely loved it! It is such a random, nerdy job and I love it! Apparently, it takes 3, 8-hour days of work to fully analyze an article. I think I am going to use this blog to help me keep track of what I am learning in each article, and to help me better prepare for future interview questions pertaining to my work.

What are we studying today? Article title: Resistance to IL-10 inhibition of interferon gamma production and expression of suppressor of cytokine signaling 1 in CD4+ T cells from patients with rheumatoid arthritis. So far, I know that CD4+ cells play an integral role in the development of RA in humans. I will update as we get further through the article.

I could not have dreamt of a better, more perfectly suited one-year job for me. I am just praying that the health insurance dilemma gets worked out. Once again, God is Good.

My Prayer Box

2009-07-16T18:13:00.012-04:00

I was talking to one of my closest sisters a while ago and talking my problems out with her, and she told me about her prayer box. I had never heard of a prayer box before, so I inquired more about what it was and it's purpose. Basically, the point of the prayer box is to help us humans let go off things we are struggling with and to truly turn them over to God. Wrapped around the outside of the box is written:

.:Good morning! This is God. Today, I will be handing all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the "something for Jesus to do Box" it will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removal will delay the resolution. Rest My child. If you need Me, I am only a prayer away! Have a great day! Love God:.

I just made my box the other day, and I absolutely love it! Before I say my nightly prayers, I write on little slips of paper my individual prayer requests, ranging from God picking the right med school for me to Him sending a godly man into my life. Then, when I get to the request portion of my prayers, I take each one individually, read it aloud, and place it in the box. It really is liberating.

While this is how prayer is supposed to be anyways, I find that having a visual helps reinforce this concept. Throughout the day, when I find myself worrying about a situation or growing impatient and trying to take things into my own hands, I literally envision my lavender prayer box and my hand placing my request in it (i.e. into God's hand). Instantly, all nervousness and anxiety is released and the peace of Christ falls upon me.

Atop my prayer box I opted to write a verse that I feel perfectly describes this process:

.:Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus:. Phillipians 4:6-7

And on the bottom, just for fun, I drew a crown. You know how much I love arts & crafts! Sidenote: I got so much joy being in Michael's again...I love arts & crafts stores. The woodsy smells, the hundreds of neatly organized supplies, all color-coordinated...any slightly OCD person's dream :)
My friend told me how everything she had put in the prayer box had been answered. What a testimony of God's faithfulness! I cannot wait until I have my own box of testimonies! It's already starting...

My Fav New Healthy Snacks

2009-07-10T11:34:00.006-04:00

1) Figs!
(namely Turkish Figs from Whole Foods)
We all remember those delish little Fig Newton treats as children. Mmmmm. Well, take out all the white carbs wrapped around the sugar (after all, FigNewtons were packed with fig jam, not just figs) and return to nature! Two of these are just as tasty as any ol' bad-for-you FigNewton. They are scrumptious and a great snack on-the-go. They are dessert just as God designed :)

2) Coconut Water!
Now, those of you who know me, know that usually at the sight of a coconut, my sympathetic nervous system kicks in, full throttle - my jaw clenches up, I start profusely salivating...in sum, my body undergoes an intense rush of stress as it know what will happen if coconut enters my blood stream. Blah, to allergic reactions. However, for some reason, coconut water is a completely different story. The perfect tasty, fat-free, very low-calorie liquid treat for summer. Added bonus: it's choc-full of vitamins and minerals (though, I'm sure as packaged in the US, these are probably added in).

Figs + Coconut Water + the Shore = quite the lovely vacay!

Tackling The Good Book

2009-06-22T13:05:00.006-04:00

After 24 years on Earth, 10 of which were spent in a Christian school, I have yet to read through the Bible. Recently, this has been something that's been tugging at my heart. I think it would be a shame for me to leave this Earth having read through hundreds of books, but not having taken the time to tackle the most important one. I have probably read through a good 75% of the Bible, but certain books (i.e. Deuteronomy) are just a beast to get through - no disrespect. So, this is it. Time for me to buckle down, chose one of my 10 Bibles (yes, I said 10. smh), and get to work.

Oddly enough, the final shove down this road came from a the most unlikely source. Personally, I believe that you can be mentally, physically, and emotionally in-tune, but unless you are spiritually on-point, your life will suffer and things will never perfectly be in sync - it's like the glue that holds the other three realms together. I had been praying for a good friend of mine, that he'd find that balance and realize the importance of having a spiritual side and a relationship with God. I love this young man to death, and like all of my friends, I have kept him in prayer as his self-admittedly atheistic (though I'd call it more agnostic than atheistic) lifestyle was making that spiritual development seem impossible. So, you can imagine my shock when he randomly brought up how he and a friend were planning on reading through the Bible together. I almost shed a tear! Nothing is impossible with God and He certainly does answer prayer. Then, about 2 milliseconds later, came the conviction, lol. In my head I was like, here is this man newly interested in God and desiring to read through the Bible, and I've been neglecting doing so for years upon years. Shame on me.

So, I'm putting it all on the line. 2009 has sucked. Perhaps if I had taken my own advice and relied solely on God during those tough times, things would have been easier or at least better dealt with. No more with my old ways, time to drive into His word and see where He leads me.

If you speak to me, I implore you to ask me when's the last time I read my Bible. If the answer is more than 48 hours, you have my permission to slap me - promised!

Today is Day 1. I'm not sure where to start. Having tried the "start at Genesis and read straight through Revelations" numerous times and failed, I'm considering a different approach. I'm also not a fan of reading part of the OT and part of the NT each day - I'd rather stay within one book each day. There's a great website with 5 different plans on reading through the Bible in a year. I'm considering either the New then Old Testament plan or the Chronological plan..more so towards the latter. Say a prayer for me everyone...this should be good! I'm psyched!!

PETA needs to take a chill pill!

2009-06-18T23:51:00.009-04:00

Q:You know why I disdain PETA?

A: It's all in their name - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

First and foremost, I believe that mankind was given dominion over animals, and therefore I consider human needs more important than the animals feelings...after all, animals don't have souls. If I need to stay warm, I say make me a fur coat! If I'm hungry, I say go fishing or hunting until you're full and stocked up! I do think that we shouldn't be reckless with the way we treat and/or kill animals, but even still I usually think that's more of a poor reflection on man than a wrong done to animals. For example, torturing animals is a big NO NO - not because it's inhumane to the animal, but because it probably reflects that there is something mentally wrong with the individual and they're about to start enacting their little hobby on their fellow man. Animals are put here for our benefit, for our needs. If we screw that up, the onus is, well, on us. End of story.

Now, back to these annoying PETA people (the same people whose ads are 98% sex to sell their campaign...and people talk about that foursome CK add...just Google Image PETA and you'll see). So, President Obama was giving an interview and there was an annoying big ol' fly swarming around (you know the type that everyone swats at and runs from in disgust). Our fearless Commander-in-Chief successfully slapped and killed that fly without even flinching. Personally, I was rather impressed. Take a look for yourself:

Bwahaha, I LOVE IT!!! And the interviewer saying "Niiiice!" = PRICELESS! I love how our President swatted it as if to say Who's your daddy now?!? and then stared it down as if to say What now? lol. Shooot, if anything, I'm even more fond of our beloved President the way he took down that fly...Mr. Miyagi would be very, very impressed. To be fair, President Obama did give the fly a warning. If only the fly had listened... (too bad they probably can't hear)

Then comes whining in those annoying PETA people. Quit your bellyaching. Are insects even really considered animals? I'd say only marginally. These fools are sending our President a device that humanely traps flies so they can be released outside safely (only to return hours later and keep bugging us...real smart). [insert heavy eye roll] They go on to say that his swatting a fly proves he's not perfect. Well first off, he's not perfect, he's human...duh. Secondly, he perfectly slapped the -ish out of that fly!

Hmmm, I wonder if he can duck a pair of shoes faster than Bush...probably! lol, this whole situation has humored me all day long. Lil' fly, your death was not in vain!

Shoot 'Em Ups

2009-06-07T23:58:00.022-04:00

While not my favorite movie genre (that would be comedies of course!), while watching the NBA Finals I see the trailer for a movie that has made me soooo excited and giddy. Based off of my favorite era in American History comes what is bound to be a box office smash hit: Public Enemies.

Reasons this movie will be Amazing:
#1: Directed by Michael Mann - director of Last of the Mohicans, Ali. Collateral, Heat, The Aviator, and The Kingdom...just to name a few...actually, I think he's written, produced, and directed most of his movies, has at least 6 Emmys and Academy Awards = 'Nough said!

#2 Starring 3 of my favorite Hollywood men: Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and Channing Tatum.
So, Christian Bale plays the famous, handsome FBI agent (Purvis) that is established by good ol' J Edgar Hoover to run up (i.e. kill) all the Public Enemies (mainly midwestern bank robbers, bandits, moonshiners...remember, between Prohibition and The Depression people were resorting to crime to answer problems). Depp plays the sauve, cunning bank robber Dillinger who robbed numerous banks with (at the time) "clever" tactics, and even broke out of jail a few times. Both Depp and Bale are phenomenal actors - Depp clearly beats Bale at this point, based on his extensive and diverse repertoire, however, Bale is on the rise! I suspect that this pairing with produce phenomenal results. And while the young actor Channing may not headline the movie, nor be in the same skills class as Depp or Bale, he is too fine not to mention! He plays another cohort of Dillinger, named Pretty Boy Floyd, also rounded up by Hoover via Purvis. Eh, whatever the case, this piece of eye candy nicely rounds out the trio. (Some girl is listed as the third headliner - I don't know her, nor does she make my list of reason I want to see this movie. If you care, here she is: Marion Cotillard, sorry!)

#3: Who doesn't love a good action movie with some sexy leading men?!? While this might have been implicitly stated previously, it's important enough to mention twice! (I mean, who else saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine, thought the plot was ehhh, but then saw Hugh Jackman's fine self and was just a-ok?!? haha). Testosterone pumping full-throttle...as a woman, you gotta luv it!

#4: It's from my favorite American History Era. Why is this? Personally, I think the rest of American History is rather bland. Really, tell me something interesting that happened in the US outside we came, rebelled from England, enslaved people, freed them, and began opening our borders and allowing people to flock in as we became #1 (some would argue that I could tack on that now we're falling). Even the more "interesting" parts (i.e. The Civil Rights Movement) were rather bland and two-dimensional compared to this brief period that really made America come alive. Anywho, outside of Prohibition and the Depression, the whole bank robbing, moonshine, mobster business has a lot of personality. If I was born a poor, white man at that time, Whew Boy! Actually, there were quite a few tough broads in the bunch too, guess I could've been one of them. I would have had a field day in the Midwest!!! Secretly, I've always thought that if I didn't make it great at something legit, I'd probably be an amazing criminal...a mastermind, if you will...explains a lot, right? Good thing I'm completely on the right track ;) But back to this era, aka the Public Enemy Era of the FBI (1931-1935ish), Hoover declared an all-out nation-wide war on crime, individually naming people on his "list" of public enemies. The List included: John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, Prety Boy Floyd, Bonnie and Clyde, and Al Capone and crew. Aside: most were killed in '34...good job, FBI/Purvis (though quietly, I always root for the criminals, but shhhh!). If you want the good guy's approach to this period, you would probably love it because it helped push the FBI to grow and develop into what it is today.

And, I'm admittantly not even a history buff (easily, my least favorite subject growing up), I just really love this era when the US wasn't all goodie-two-shoed and was down getting nitty gritty!

OMG, I am stoked!!!

Random/interesting asides:
- J Edgar got jealous over the attention Purvis got during this time and somehow got him pushed out of the Bureau.
- This lil' time period (specifically, Dillinger's Death) is where the term "Lady in Red" comes from. To summarize: foreign broad working in a whorehouse was going to be deported. FBI promised to help her stay in America if she helped capture Dillinger. They agreed she'd wear an orange dress (which looked red in the lighting) so the FBI could spot her and get Dillinger. The FBI got him, and she still got deported...serves her right, no one likes a traitor! Anyways, beware of ladies in red...
- People aren't even sure if Dillinger is dead...lol. Of course he's dead by now, but there's a great deal of controversy surrounding whether or not it was Dillinger or a poor guy who's name matched Dillinger's alias. Let's see...Dillinger had grey eyes, the corps had blue... Dillinger was healthy and played sports growing up (baseball), while the autopsy showed the corpse had some major heart problem that would have prevent such strenuous activity... I'm going with another government screw-up!

Helloooooo!!!

2009-06-07T23:56:00.001-04:00

Um, yeah...so I've been slacking BIG time with this blog, but hey, I was busy (and the hard work paid off)...

But now, I'm back!

Pirates...

2009-04-12T18:16:00.007-04:00

This whole Pirate thing off the coast of Africa has really been irritating me. I just cannot seem to shake the notion that it is, at least to me, unfathomable for there to be pirates in 2009. I mean...we have satellite imaging, are capable of launching missiles from hundreds of miles away directly to your location, and oh yeah, we have amazing sniper riffles! You can run, but rest assured we WILL find you and blow you up!!! It's 2009 punks...not the 17th century where you could kidnap people, hold them for ransom, release them and run away. YOU CANNOT RUN! This is NOT Pirates of the Caribbean! I just really don't understand people's logic. I guess people think they are smarter or slicker than world governments...FALSE.

I am so glad this stand-off is over. And lol at all of the mentally slow reporters at that news conference I watched on CNN today. I don't know why it was so hard for some of them to realize that the three pirates lives were ended by sniper rifles. And no, the pirates probably weren't in a situation where there was an imminent threat to the hostage's life. Most likely orders were, if you see a pirate, gun him down! I don't understand why this was such a hard concept for reporters to grasp, evidenced by the fact that they kept asking how and why the pirates were shot down...on repeat.

Perhaps, and I'm just venturing a guess here, just maybe my experience as a Black female/person in the US has desensitized me to occurrences of civilian executions by police. Furthermore, the ones I am accustomed to hearing are those where the slain men are carrying a wallet/inhaler/[insert any non-weapon], not freakin' pirates of Africa who are as guilty as sin! I cannot for the life of me figure out how these reporters seem so confused as to how three pirates wound up dead, but look unfazed when minorities around the country are shot down dead for no real reason...

Random aside: I would much rather be a ninja than a pirate!

Black n' Blue Wedding Bells

2009-04-01T13:00:00.007-04:00

What's this I hear? RiRi and her abusive beau are scheduled to get hitched in the Bahamas (or where ever she is from)?!?

Perhaps this is old news (I have been busying and consequently, neglecting my daily dose of Bossip), but this came as a complete shock to me. Just a few days ago, a local radio station broadcast that they were giving away two tickets to the wedding for a lucky caller. Granted, it was April Fool's Day, so I wasn't taking anything seriously, and then I decided to look up this nonsense online...turns out its true, or if not true, at least it's a very popular rumor circulating around Hollywood.

What in the world is going through RiRi's mind?!? This young boy, a year her junior, just publicly molly-whopped you and now you're going to vow to spend the rest of your life with his mentally unstable self? I'm not saying that they should necessarily break up over this (note, if a man EVER lay hands on me, they'd probably wind up being run over with their own car), however at least get counseling and therapy and give it time before you pick up your relationship from where you left off...not take a giant leap forward.

Domestic violence is real, and I fear that the way this pair of celebs are choosing to "deal with" this problem is setting a very bad example for young people of both sexes. To young girls and boys it shows that this kind of behavior is acceptable and goes without repercussion...or at least so far. Maybe something will happen between now and this alleged wedding...

Until then, I'm praying for some type of intervention, because if he hits you once, he probably will hit you again. Aaaand, it's not like he just hit her. Her hit her multiple times and bit her. Who does that?!? What happens next time he's acting a fool and then flips out on her?

Sleep.

2009-03-26T04:23:00.017-04:00

The worst relationship of my life deals not with another human being, but with Sleep. [Note: I am writing this post at 4:24am...after having class from 4:30-7:30 and shift from 8-midnight] I'm telling you, Sleep and I, we have a love-hate relationship. But, before I get into my little discussion about my battles with Sleep, let me tell you a little something about myself that may help clarify some of the issues I am having...

I have a life obsession with maximizing time. I swear, my ears can hear my life clock ticking down, and consequently, I often find myself trying to efficiently handle anything I'm facing. Whether that be driving from point A to point B or getting a stupid little school project done, I like to do things right, but as fast as possible. Furthering this point, I feel that sleep is the ultimate waste of time. We're all familiar with the sayings, "Sleep is the cousin of Death" and "I can sleep when I'm dead," and while it may be true that people who get inadequate amounts of sleep have increased likelihoods of developing more health problems and typically die younger, it is something I mentally cannot get over (fyi - people that oversleep run the same risk). I know that while I'm sleeping, someone out there is not, and thus, they have an edge over me - they have 24 hours to get accomplished what I have only 16 hours to do. Even if 40% of what they do is b.s., in theory they are living a fuller life by being active when I am asleep. Thus, I rarely get even 5 hours of sleep a night. Why sleep when I can be doing something productive, right? Now, back to my personal battle...

I will go for months living off of 2 hours of sleep a night/every-other-night and be just fine. Actually, often times I try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, and find myself laying in bed staring at the ceiling, mad at myself for having wasted two hours lying on my back accomplishing nothing! And yet, as hard and as often as I avoid
sleep, I often lapse into periods where I basically sleep for 7 days straight - and boy is that sleep gooooood! So yes, I admit that I love the sensation and pleasure of curling up in my warm, fluffy bed and drifting off into slumber land, and yet, I so actively avoid it.

Though, to be perfectly honest I really am not that productive during the wee hours of the morning. During my undergraduate days, it was a different story - I would seriously focus on all the work I neglected during the daytime hours. Thanks to those four years, I have been trained to stay up all night, except now I do my work during the day, leaving me to catch up on t.v. shows and movies online, as well as get up-to-date with my favorite blogs by night. (insert random epiphany: Perhaps this explains my caffeine addictions...AH-HA!)

You know what my battle with sleep reminds me of? South of the Border (and I'm NOT talking about the restaurant). For anyone's who ever driven down to Myrtle Beach, SC, you are all familiar with the infamous South of the Border. This dinky, sketchy little place resembles some bad, stereotypical depiction of a sort of Little Mexico (I mean, their self-proclaimed mascot is Pedro...'nough said). Anyways, this is a very boring drive, so one looks for any type of entertainment along the way. And what did this sketchy place have the nerve to do? Tease bored drivers with alluring signs for 175 miles, posting a new sign promising great enjoyment every 1-2 miles. The end result? A: Hours driving along bored, anticipating getting to this great wonderland, and just when you think you will never get there or that this fabled place doesn't exist, you encounter vast disappointment and resentment when you finally do arrive. Unless we're talking about the 7 days straight of sleeping episodes I encounter, the sleep I do manage to get on a typical night is unsatisfying (to say the least). Usually, I sit and wait for Sleep to come, and when it finally does come it feels that no sooner had I closed my eyes, than something outside of me awakens me. I do not awake refreshed and energized, but rather groggy and irritated that I even wasted any time attempting to grab hold of Sleep. And how does that leave me feeling? Pissed at Sleep - that's how. Sleep taunts and tempts me for weeks, if not months, and then when I finally grab hold of it Sleep becomes my master for 7 days straight. Sleep, I HATE YOU!!! But, I love you too :(

What's a girl to do? I was supposed to go to a sleep center last year so they could monitor my brain activity while I sleep...perhaps it's time for me to take my doctor up on that order - especially while I have health insurance...

A Losing Battle?

2009-03-03T20:39:00.014-05:00

One step forward, two steps back.

We are all too familiar with the saying. As I retrace my footsteps, observing this all-too-familiar pattern, it is easy to see how one can get down on oneself. How many times have I established a goal for myself, only to find myself losing steam halfway through and falling back into old habits? To see the fruits of my hard labor and then, for no apparent reason (or maybe because I have grown too comfortable in my success), regressing into old ways that have proven time and again unfruitful, if not downright detrimental to achieving my goals...disturbing.

What is the difference between a simple obstacle who's purpose is to make us stronger and a pure failure? To me, the line separating the two is not necessarily easily defined. We overcome obstacles and become (hopefully) better persons for having used our own resources to surmount the roadblock - that is the simple one. Now for the complicated one - when does an obstacle that derails us turn into a failure? And when does repeated failures or setbacks become a losing battle? Is it when we no longer learn from our setbacks that they then transform into failures? Or is it when we no longer can summon the energy, courage, or willpower to lift ourselves back up? Perhaps these temporary derailments are meant to knock us out of the snarls of complacency - to rekindle the fire beneath us. Or maybe they are there to remind us that we need to continuously rely on a higher power (i.e. God), who so often gets ignored and demoted to the back burner once people start getting what they want out of life...

While I believe that the glory in the beautiful struggle that is life is to simply rise one more time than you are knocked down, learning something new about yourself each time and with each successful retry making us a stronger and better person for it, what happens when you reach the place where you no longer see the point in getting up anymore? I believe the term we learned in psychology is learned helplessness. [Not that I am there yet, but I am one who likes to analyze all possible scenarios.] For those of you unfamiliar with the historical experiment of Seligman, allow me to give you a brief summary. Basically what he did was split dogs into three groups: Group 1 was the control that was simply harnessed, Group 2 dogs and Group 3 dogs were harnessed to one another and received electrical shocks. Group 2 dogs had access to a lever that could stop the shock, while Group 3 dogs could not access the levers and had to simply wait for the shocks to end. The dogs were unharnessed and placed in a box from which they could escape. When shocks were administered to the dogs, Groups 1 and 2 jumped out of the box while most of Group 3 simply sat there. That, in sum, is learned helplessness - even though Group 3 could escape, they had learned from their previous experience that it was futile to fight their way out. (yes, this is a sad experiment)

The battle I often find myself facing is between learning when to push myself to get back up and when to learn to lay down. Now, let me pause for a second and say that I am a fighter. It goes against every fiber in my being to just sit back and take anything. HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however, certain battles really just are not worth fighting. I am not sure that I would necessarily classify these as learned helplessness...afterall, how many times did Jesus "sit back and take it" (i.e. turn the other cheek) when He certainly had the ability do whatever He so chose. I suppose the battle can be redefined as learning when to conjure enough strength to fight and when to summon enough willpower to restrain oneself... Hmmmm, now there is an interesting thought.

Still, there remains a difference between staying down out of willpower and staying down out of weakness. Learning and fully embracing the dichotomy inherent in the word strength is probably very key to living a fulfilled life. (At least in Western culture, does it not seem that strength is presented ubiquitously with exerting some force over another? Although here, I suppose you can modify that to exerting force over oneself - to go against human nature) Determining which situation necessitates which use of strength is the challenge we all face. For it would be easy for one to fall into the habit of blaming one's own lack of action and resolve to having the willpower to not fight back (even though they should have)...but then that is what happens when people start assuming the role of the victim, now isn't it?

And how does all this relate to me? To be rather honest, I suppose my one step forward, X-amount of steps back probably falls under the category of simply lacking the desire to do the right thing and get back up immediately. In my situation, I would emphasize immediately as I find the sooner that I address my shortcomings the easier it is for me to move back on the right track. I liken it to being knocked off of a horse into a very deep pit of mud. The sooner I regain my senses from the fall, swim to the edge, pull myself up, and chase after my horse, the sooner I can get back on and riding again. Now, if I get thrown off, take my time to evaluate what events just transpired, sit and decide whether it is worth pulling myself out, the further from the edge of the pit I drift and the deeper into the mud I sink. Once there, it takes a lot more time and energy to resurface, swim to the edge, pull myself out, and then run after a horse that I have no idea of it's location. (Perhaps this is a stretch of an analogy, but it works for me!)

So I end with this: Study your footprints well and honestly, remembering that no two sets are alike, and know that you are the key determinant in having your battle be a W or an L.

By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. Confucius

Is it 2010 yet?!?

2009-01-26T20:32:00.003-05:00

Soooo...we're only 26 days into 2009, and I'm already wishing it was 2010. I am telling you, if the way you begin the year dictates the path for the rest of your year, I am not going to make it. In 26 days I have had the stomach flu, a cavity filled, a tooth cracked, a wisdom tooth pulled, met a boy (yes, a boy, not a man...haha) with enough mental and emotional problems to keep CAPS booked for the rest of the decade, and easily enough drama to fill the next 6 months. To top things off, none of these were prompted by me (except maybe the tooth...poor judgment there, I'll admit).

What do I do? Do I cut out the people making my life hell? Hmmm...I've already done that in some cases, but in others, these people are really good friends with decent to good intentions, but they just seem to manage to screw things up for me. The old me would have been quick to cut a person off, but I do love these people and I don't feel my life would quite be the same without them. However, if people repeatedly screw me over, whether unintentionally or in the process of fulfilling their needs, am I supposed to just sit there and grin and bear it? Everything inside me screams NO!

Any thoughts?

Philly Thangs...

2009-01-18T02:41:00.002-05:00

As I'm settling more in Philly life, there are some things I notice that are just so stereotypically Philly. Granted, some of these are endogenous to the Northeast, but most are overly and abundantly loved in this city. So, without further adieu, here's my list of the top 10 things the city of Philly seems to love:

10) Cheese Whiz - This fake cheese that comes out of a can that they put on anything. Repulsive! I've been fooled a few times around this city...just watch out if you order something with cheese...it might come back with a plastic bright yellow coating that came fresh out a can...
9) The Freeway Beard - how one city unanimously decided to adopt such a horrible grooming trend is beyond me...
8) WaWa - brings me back to my childhood (ps - if you're in an area where there's a Wawa, please go ahead add order your the Turkey Wobbler, grad a pillow, grub, and pass out! Yes, it is that good!) And their coffee is absolutely amazing...and CHEAP!
7) Arizona Iced Tea (specifically Green Tea) - The South has their heart attack in a glass known as Sweet Tea, and the North...well we have the diverse brand of Arizona Iced Tea. I had completely forgotten about my love for AIT until my first trip to Wawa...now, I drink at least a bottle a day. I swear, they must sprinkle a little crack in it because everyone I know that likes it drink it everyday!!!
6) Sandwiches - Unique sandwiches are prided up here. I mean, this is the home of the Cheesesteak...
5) Bicycles - it's almost as bad as in Europe...actually, it may be worse because drivers can't drive and bikers are bold and can't ride. Witnessed an accident just the other week on Spruce St...blood everywhere!!
4) Being Muslim - Nothing against the religion of Islam, I just really think its more of a fashion trend here be Muslim...I dunno...it is the thing to do here. Oh, and they can be rude and mean as anything...I mean, where's the love? I mean, I've read some of the Koran...I do believe The Prophet would be highly disappointed in these "followers"...
3) Their Sports Teams - Now this is a love-hate relationship, to say the least. Even the players know, Philadelphians only love them so long as they're winning...lol. According to the latest news segment, out of Philly's 4 sports teams, its been 25 years since any of them have won a title! Lol...no wonder they're fickle...you can only get people's hopes up for so long before they say "screw you!" But, I feel like this sports season might just be Philadelphia's year. The Phillies already won the World Series (and they turned this city out...I mean homeless people and cops were hugging...it was a beautiful thing!), and the Eagles are in line for a shot at the Superbowl...I'm keeping my hopes up!!! :)
2) Doing the Wu-Tang! Whatchyall know about that? Probably nothing... You can't Wu-tang better than me!
1) VIOLENCE!!! lol. These people seem to just love random crime. I remember when I moved here this summer. I believe the official tally was about 1.4 murders a day. Then, I recall the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania employee attacking a man on the subway with a hammer he whipped out of his bookbag (after he sat his 5-yr old boy down, of course). Just recently, a man was shot at a popular movie theater (actually, where I'll be attending church in a few hours...) for talking to his son during The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I think a friend of a friend stated it best: "i love the thought process: 'i want it to be quiet so i can watch the movie. what should i do? i know, i will fire a really loud weapon in a closed space and then listen to the guy i shot scream bloody murder. the logic is flawless!'" Rest assured, the man didn't die, but still...absolutely positively ridiculous. I tell you...I never know what to expect in The City of Brotherly Love!

Bye-bye '08

2008-12-31T01:55:00.019-05:00

So, I've been a bit m.i.a. during the end of the semester, but I must say the hard work paid off. You see, I don't mind being a hermit, as long as I reap the rewards...and I did, yay to all A's!!!

Now, it is time for me to sit and reflect on '08 and prepare for '09. Personally, I found 2008 to be a great year. If I had to give it a title, I think I would name it "The Preparatory Year." It was the first year I lived completely on my own - and I survived! I studied for the MCATs and started the year off by killing those :) I applied to the program I am in now and am on the road to obtaining that MD. I am spiritually back on track, which I found has helped all other areas of my life line up. I didn't fall in love or anything along those lines, but in every other area I feel that I am on the right track and am ready to face any challenge - both academically and personally.

Have you ever had that reassuring feeling that you are exactly where God wants you to be at a particular point in your life? Well, that is the feeling I have had most of this year, and I'm claiming that for 2009 as well. I truly feel that I have found my calling in life and I have done everything in my power to get me to where God wants to be; the rest is in His hands. I applied to medical school this year on what some people might call a whim (kind of how I applied to Duke for undergrad...lol, I notice a trend). Technically, it would have been a more stable, predictable process (and more in my favor) if I had waited to complete the program and then applied this upcoming summer. Prompted by what I feel was nudge from God, I applied this year - possibly a year early, while simultaneously a few months late in the application cycle, yet somehow right on time. When God says GO!, who am I to say NO!?!? I do believe that He will shut the doors to institutions He does not want me at and will open the doors where He wants me to be. At this point, it is my job to sit back and have faith that He will keep His promise - which He always does! Talk about a reassuring feeling :)

I am not one for silly, simple resolutions, however I have thought of one that I believe will solidify my segue into adulthood.

...When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things... I Cor. 13:11

So for 2009, I am officially putting all childish things behind me (however, I would like to retain a childlike heart - difficult, I know). Whether that be childish habits, certain slips of the tongue, or even interacting with certain people, they are all now behind me - I leave them all in 2008. I do not want to be so rash as to say If you're not for me, you are against me, however, if you are restraining me or pulling me back towards childish activities and not pushing me forward into maturity and into the destiny I am called for then...BYE-BYE! (and yall know while it is not hard for me to cut people out of my life, inanimate objects tend to be more difficult) I am tired of the monotony of the old. I need either completely new things or things that will cause me to take on new perspectives and that will stretch me to new lengths.

It's funny, I am only 23 years old and I already feel the clock of life aggressively ticking down. I feel the nipping at my heels of the Hurry up and do something big already! I am not really sure if other young people my age feel this way as well, but somehow I doubt it. And in some ways, it puts me in a lonely place. Sometimes I find it an awkward place to be in when my peers are running around enjoying the here and now and I am out with them trying not to zone off and enter the realm where I sit and question how this is preparing me to be a leader or a revolutionary. And I do want to be a revolutionary in the field of medicine. I am not sure how yet, but I do feel a calling to do something BIG in that field - to shake some things up and do something new. But, this is turning into somewhat of a depressing tangent that I am not about to indulge - at least not on this post.

So, to all who might read this, I wish you well. I hope 2008 has blessed you in some way and I pray that 2009 will be at least equally as kind.

Alzheimer's Disease

2008-11-19T12:40:00.000-05:00

I am going to attempt to write this entry as coherently as possible, but please, bear with me, as I have, roughly, a million and one emotions and thoughts fluttering around in my head about this subject and just need to get them out.

My grandma is currently has Alzheimer's Disease (AD) and she's been dying from it for the past few years. Unfortunately, she isn't the first person in the family to fall victim to the disease, although, I am much closer to her than the other family member. When people ask how she's doing, I never know what to say. Even on a good day, her best is still heading towards a certain death. So, how am I supposed to answer that? To say, "She's doing great,"...well, that's not really true. She might be doing great in the sense that she remembers who I am, but her brain is still shriveling up and she is still going to die, so, as I said, even on her best day, she's still doing pretty poorly... But, I just smile and shrug and hope they don't continue to press the issue.

Now, I'm not going to be so brash as to sit here and say that any disease is worse than another one. I've lost many relatives from everything ranging from prolonged battles with cancers to random accidents, so I feel that I can say with some measure of authority that Alzheimer's might be one of the worst, if not the worst, diseases to die from. It is hard not only on the individual, but also on the family. The repercussions of the disease are nearly immeasurable. Everyone I know that has been affected by the disease (myself included) agrees that we would rather take our lives than have to put ourselves and our families through the prolonged painful, degrading, and emotional process of living with and dying from AD. I don't even know where to begin...

Try to imagine, if you will, having to take care of someone on a daily basis. Now, you love this person dearly (whether they ever expressed that love back, now that's a different story). You take so much time and energy into caring for the person, working so hard to only momentarily bring a smile to their face, only to have them two seconds later either 1) not know who you are or 2) what they had just experienced. So, all this effort and struggle (and trust, it usually is a struggle, if not a down-right fight) you put into making them as comfortable and as happy as possible is forgotten in a matter of minutes...as if you never done anything in the first place. Do you know what type of love it takes to do this? Aaaand, on a daily basis??? Do you have any idea how much pain this brings?

And, the situation only gets worse when that individual was not necessarily nice or a "good" during their normal days. (This is a trend I am starting to notice as well...it seems that no matter how hard death is to deal with, it is always infinitely harder when it is someone genetically close to you that you actually don't really love or know that well, but you wind up spending their last days with them...but, this is a completely different story I'm digressing into...)

And then comes the guilt for not being there. We have lived way out here in Jersey since I was born, while the rest of the family has remained in Michigan. They are the ones dealing with this stuff on a daily basis. Sure, when we visit (which we have been trying to increase the amount of times we go home), we do as much as we can to take her to the doctors and clean things up and give the rest of the family a break from the monotony of this, but there is only so much you experience in ~10 day segments of time. Granted, those aren't necessarily the easiest weeks, and it is always difficult to get back on the plane and leave, knowing the situation you are leaving behind and how much of a benefit to other members of the family you are when you are there. Plus, there is only so much one can do over the phone/internet... We seriously considered moving to Michigan, especially after my graduation, but unless my mom can find a job within her company out there, we don't see that happening. But, you never know...it is still a possibility.

Finally, there is struggle with putting them in a nursing home, and knowing that that will probably be the death of them. Nursing homes in America are horrible. Patients are frequently abused or neglected - basically, left to die in their beds. And I really don't know how much I can ask from the staff at these facilities. Clearly, I don't expect abuse or complete neglect, but, there have been many times people in the family have gotten absolutely frustrated dealing with my grandma. Part of AD is the degeneration of the brain, resulting in a person of unstable emotions, a person who often and easily gets confused and lies (thinking they are telling the truth, mind you), a person is stubborn and hides things for no reason, one who becomes indignant one minute and then acts like an innocent 5-year-old in the blink-of-an-eye. There have been moments when we have all wanted to scream at her, and that's our own flesh and blood that we love. How much easier is it for a perfect stranger to come into the same experience and just give up and leave them be? Or to snap and shove them aside (not intentionally hard), but these are the elderly, and they have little strength, and one thing leads to another and one wrong slip can result in a broken hip or worse...

Either way, it is a lonely place, and you know that committing her there is sentencing her to death. Not that death isn't coming anyway, but still...nobody wants to be the one to "pull the trigger," let alone on their own mother.

There are many things I left out, but this situation encompasses too much. I haven't even touched upon the financial aspects of this whole thing or on the current living situation or on the joys of dealing with the government. There are just so many bittersweet, or just bitter, memories popping into my mind as I sit here and type. I even cried while writing this, and you know I don't really cry. I hate it, hate it, hate it!!! So, if you will, remember my family in prayers, even if you don't know us. I would really appreciate it.

Too Smart for Lies...

2008-11-12T14:15:00.000-05:00

Now, I hate to toot my own horn, but I'm a let you in on a little something: I have an IQ last measured at 136. So, needless to say, I am classified as "gifted". (if you are ever capable of getting my ADD-mind to sit and focus for 10 minutes straight, you'd be impressed ...but, I digress) I say all of this not to blow myself up, but to let some people know that I am no fool. You can lie to my face all you want, but 99 times out of 100, I know right then and there that you are lying. The odd time out, I'll probably figure it out by the next time I talk to you. It is just like 99% of the bums on the street asking for bus fare: don't come to me begging for bus fare while you reek of old whiskey and beer...I know the deal!

So, why do I play dumb? Simple. The more I pretend to not know, the more people tend to talk and divulge information that I would otherwise have to con out of them in order to support my theory. In short, it makes my life simpler to pretend not to know, rather than to come out and combat lies head-on, only resulting in more lies and back-tracking. Moreover, half of the time, it is not worth the effort of confronting people. It either leads to more lies or some other type of increased drama, and rarely results in a simple apology and a statement of the already-known truth.

For those of you who do not know me, my biggest pet-peeve is lying...for many reasons. Namely, it is just soooo pointless. Most of the time, the truth will eventually show. And when it does, I swear, the longer it takes to surface, the larger the repercussions. Secondly, lying is, more or less, testing my intelligence. (This especially applies to men.) Like, really...do you think I am that dumb to fall for your silly, middle-school lies?!? Do you really think that I am that simple to believe your ill-conceived excuses?!? Do you realize 1) who you are talking to? 2) who I am connected to? and 3) what I am capable of? The answers to all three of those is obviously NO, otherwise, people would stop messing with me!

And then, there are the unprompted lies...the lies that come out of the blue when the person isn't even asked a question. I remember this girl from college was a compulsive liar and manipulator. Took most people, including myself, a while to realize that most of what was coming out of her mouth was a lie, a half-truth, or just purposefully misleading. Needless to say, she graduated with hardly any friends...hmmm...wonder why? It is one thing to lie when backed into a corner, still unexcusible, but at least it is understandable. Now, to just boldly spew forth lies for your own twisted enjoyment...?!? I recommend psychological help...and stay out of my life until you do so!

Granted, I will take partial responsibility for repeated instances of lying, for if I had taken the energy to nip them in the bud in the first place, perhaps people wouldn't repeatedly lie. Then again, some people are compulsive liars. Some people lie for fun. Other people lie even when they know that the other person knows the truth. I suppose, I cannot take too much credit for other people's behaviors, after all, they are their behaviors, not mine. And people wonder why I have trust issues...

Thank YOU, Dubya!

2008-11-08T17:44:00.012-05:00

As you may or may not know, there is a film out belovedly entitled "W." Now, I personally thought that the movie was a parody based on the previews...that is, until I heard it was directed by Oliver Stone. How that fool ever came to be President, even with a Presidential father...the world may never know...

Want to know my opinion about W.? Sadly enough, I do believe that without this idiotic cowboy's 8-year-reign-of-terror, there is a good chance that Obama would not have won the Presidential Election. I am not too optimistic about the country I live in, nor about the intentions of its people. More often than not, I expect the worst out of American citizens. As such, I honestly believe that if W. hadn't sunken our nation into such all-time lows, the nation would not have been prepared to elect its first Black President.

Think about it. Had Bush been someone with half a brain and done a decent job, the US would not be in its horrible job and financial crises, would not be spending billions on some revenge war, and would not be hated by the rest of the world. Had he done as good of a job at protecting our National Bank and securing jobs for US citizens as he did fattening the pockets of the nation's wealthiest, then voters would have gone into the elections content and not looking for change...not looking for a savior from this disaster we have been lead into.

I was talking to some of my friends on election night and someone made a very good point. They said that in order to vote for Obama, you truly had to have the interest of the entire nation, especially if you were in the wealthier class of citizens. And it is so true...sad, but TRUE! That is a shame that we can say that people are now finally voting on a President based on the good of a nation, as a whole, and not by class. It is about time!

So I suppose I owe G.W. a note of thanks. Thank you for leading my nation into a black hole for the past eight years, for even if we all had to suffer and been made to look like fools, in the end, I got a Black President out of it! I might have lost some respect for some of my "friends" during the elections (that moment came when the wealthy, white, uber religious conservatives I went to high school with started changing fb statuses to Obama being the anti-Christ and quoting scripture to support...but, I digress)

(And NO, I did NOT vote Obama because he was Black, but because he was the only competent choice on the ballot...voting McCain would've been voting for Dubya again, only he might have died and been replaced with an even dumber hockey mom!)

Real quick before I leave... Two types of people I will never understand: Gay Republicans and Republican Latinos...not even why, but HOW?!?

Let Me Flyyy!

2008-11-03T14:46:00.006-05:00

.:Rosa sat, so Martin could walk…
Martin walked, so Obama could run…
Obama is running, so we can fly:.

I attended an impromptu Obama rally this morning in North Philly with special guests Mary J., Diddy, and Jay-Z (yes, Bey made an appearance...by rolling down the car window :/ ) While they spoke maybe a total of 10min, Jay-Z quoted these inspirational three little lines. I know I've heard it before, so I'm not about to give him credit for it, but still, inspirational nonetheless.

A little more than 24 hours until I can say "My President IS Black!!!"...

...and if I cannot say that by the end of tomorrow night, I am sure that there will be riots across the country, including right here in Philly.

Say a prayer, everyone. Pray for the safety of Obama and his family, and that votes will be fairly counted...places are already throwing out absentee ballots and miscounting Obama votes for McCain...
If there is a repeat of the infamous FL'00 election-scandal, this nation is about to tear itself apart...

Kleptomaniac Crackheads

2008-10-14T22:31:00.005-04:00

Why is it that crackheads seem to have unlimited access to things? For instance, just the other night I was walking across Penn's campus to do some studying (and yes, it was Fall Break, so clap it up for my productivity). Mind you, it was only like 9pm, so I wasn't expecting to seeing anything crazy...I tend to expect random events late night, say...after midnight?

And what do I see...? A crackhead...coming towards me on the sidewalk...on a HORSE!!! I kid you not. My jaw literally hit the floor. Now, it takes a lot to stop traffic in Philly or to get people to stop in their tracks, as crazy occurrences seem to happen nonstop around here. But, of the 10-15 people that were on the street or in their cars, every last one of them stopped in their tracks and gawked. Lol...so nonsensical!!!

Like...how did he get a horse?!? This is Philly. Where would ANYONE get a horse, let alone a crackhead?!?

...and that's my random thought of the week.

(lol...so, clearly that's not the crackhead I saw...but, I couldn't resist!)

Red Bull: Wings, Brainwashing, and Strokes

2008-10-13T22:18:00.008-04:00

I am the first to admit that I know absolutely NOTHING about advertising. However, from pure observation, it is crystal clear that anyone wanting to market anything needs to take a close look at Red Bull and emulate them. I mean...come on now...their reign on the energy drink market is ridiculous. How many people do you know that drink Red Bull? How many of these people are addicts and seem to always have a can on-hand for any given occasion? The messed up part is that I bet the people you're thinking of range in age from like 10-80 years old...lol. I mean, how is that even feasible?!? How in the world do you get people of all ages hooked on a product in a matter of mere months?!? Maybe, just maybe, they sprinkle a little crack in it...lol.

And what's even more absurd is their marketing campaign. I know we've all seen the crazy commercials, but have you actually really paid attention to them? Half of them make absolutely no sense!!! Whomever thought of the phrase "Red Bull gives you wings" must be a multimillionaire (and, was probably a rather simple individual that lucked out...but, I digress).

I do think that in the past year, Red Bull commercials have come full-circle and are starting to at least address the fact that it gives you a boost of energy, both mentally and physically. Actually, on second thought, most of these latest Red Bull commercials are just overtly sexual. But, I suppose by American standards, sex does sell... These advertisers are genius though. Think of how few pennies it costs to sketch those little cartoons (shoot, they could even do that flip-book style) and think how much any other commercial must cost to film and edit...

It probably doesn't hurt that they run around the country sponsoring ridiculous events, such as the Red Bull Soapbox race that hit here in Philly about a month ago. Oh, and they drive around in those little Red Bull hatchbacks, handing out free drinks. Actually...the more I think of it, Red Bull's campaign is probably based on some subliminal form of brainwashing...but, hey, it's clearly working.

All-in-all, Red Bull's reign has been pretty impressive...even if they might be helping to shorten the average American life-span (to be fair, I only say American because, although its a global product, Americans tend to abuse anything that can increase performance). There is a reason "Red Bull gives you wings" and that is because of the insane about of caffeine and different sugars found packed in that tiny little can. Sure, having one every-so-often probably isn't going to hurt you. But, think of all the people that are truly addicted...those that have at least one every evening, if not 3 through-out the day. Umm, caffeine addiction is REAL people! I know people that have wound up in the hospital due to a Red Bull-induced caffeine OD...no lie. I mean, there is a reason Red Bull is banned in certain countries (i.e. Norway, Denmark, Uruguay). But, do your thing, Red Bull...keep promoting early heart attacks and strokes!!!

Oh, Palin, Palin, Palin...smh...

2008-09-29T10:07:00.004-04:00

...you might just possibly be dumber than George W. Bush. I didn't think that it was possible for any public official to have a lower IQ than Dubya, but you may have just proven me wrong. Thanks to my good ol' standby, YouTube, I was able to get caught up on all of Palin's latest political blunders.

Well, first there was the Charlie Gibson interview. Not as bad as her next interview, but horrible, nonetheless. Then came the infamous Katie Couric interview. Now, to the Republican National Committee, "What were you thinking?!?" Seating Palin before Couric all unprepared like that was like throwing a paraplegic in with the sharks... But, since I'm 110% Obama-Biden, I suppose I should be saying, "Thank you!"

Did anyone else notice the change in Palin's voice between the two interviews? Gibson interview, it was normal. Couric interview - high pitched, shaky and screeching...she was probably scared to death, and rightly so...

And just when you thought Palin had been humiliated enough, SNL hit with possibly their greatest skit EVER!!! I honestly believe that Tina Fey deserves an Emmy for her remarkable performance of Palin. Like, I honestly forgot that was Fey a few times. People say Christian Bale was born to play Batman, well I say Tine Fey was born to play Palin. As a friend and I were discussing, possibly the funniest part about the whole skit was that most of it was verbatim from her interviews or public appearances, and yet still so hilariously idiotic!

You might be wondering, where has Palin been this past week? You want to know my opinion? If the Republican National Committee has any sense left in them, they have Palin hidden in a cave, strapped to a chair, eyelids tapped back and are bombarding her with information from all realms of politics (and perhaps throwing in a public speaking class or two).

I really want Palin to go on The View. They say they want to play nice and give her an opportunity to voice herself to America, but I know they'd tear her apart (except for annoying, whiny, conservative Elisabeth). I mean, look what they did to McCain...

Oh, and the Vice Presidential debates are coming up (Oct. 2nd)!!! Biden vs. Palin. Hmmm...who do you think will win? I cannot wait! I wonder if she has ever participated in a debate, as in even back in high school...lol. This should be one for the books.

Lol...THANK YOU, PALIN!!! I haven't laughed this hard in weeks...

Oh, before I forget, does anyone know if Palin would become the presumptive Republican nominee for President if McCain were to become incapacitated during this campaign period?

Last ps, I swear. Please look at Matt Damon going off about the absurdity of McCain's selection of Palin as his VP, when he has a 1 in 3 chance of not surviving through his first term in office...lol. He also likened this entire situation to a Disney movie gone wrong (also, a hilarious clip). Chevy Chase and his wife also went off on Palin...lol...I swear, I could keep going for hours...pure comedy, gotta love it :)

The Touchdown Dance...R.I.P.

2008-09-20T17:17:00.005-04:00

Today is Saturday. The day of cleaning, studying, and COLLEGE FOOTBALL. I'll admit, I'm no football fanatic, but I am a fan. I like most sports and can probably enjoy any match-up (including golf). But, to me, football is a little different than other sports. Looking at all the mess of players and bodies flying in the air, it is the perfect combination of an art and brute masculinity that really excites me and revs me up. Now, you might be thinking, I see the masculinity, but art? But to me, when the QB delivers a perfect pass, watching the ball soar through the air, making it safely through all the chaos on the field, and then landing in the soft hands of 250lb man mid-air...mmm-mmm-mmm...now, that's just a beautiful thing folks.

I remember playing tag football after school way back in elementary schools. We played with mixed boys and girls teams, two-hand touch style...but, I remember how much fun we had running around, trying to beat our opponents with "fancy footwork." But, the most fun we had were showing off our touchdown dances! I remember practicing these little dances with friends, imitating what we had seen in games or on commercials.

Fast-forward roughly 15 years...

I'm sitting here watching the VA Tech vs. UNC game, and UNC's Tate made a pretty nice run for a TD, but according to the refs "unnecessarily dove into the end zone," which they call excessive celebration, resulting in a penalty. What in the world has the game of football come to??? I remember days when the touchdown dance was revered and imitated by sports fans everywhere.

...and why are the refs acting like its a game like golf or tennis, where restraint and quietness are encouraged? Not to demean these aforementioned sports, but they are a bit on the anal-retentive end of the spectrum of sports. But, football? Football is nearly the antithesis of golf. As a rather physical sport, the players literally throw their whole bodies into the sport, and I think its only right that they be able to celebrate with their bodies in a little dance. I mean, really...what harm is a little 15 second celebratory dance inflicting? I know that I'd be excited as anything if I scored a touchdown, more so if it was like a 50yd run. Can you imagine how much adrenaline is pumping through those veins?? I think this overregulation of the game is taking a little heart out of it. I mean, a little celebratory exhibition is quite commonly a natural reaction. To restrict that, is to restrict a part of the player...

Cell Phone Cancer

2008-09-14T21:59:00.006-04:00

In my personal, non-expert opinion, I'm 99.9% sure that it is about to be proven in the next 10 years or so that cell phones cause brain cancer, or at least significantly increase the risk of developing it. That many electromagnetic waves directed towards the brain...I don't know about you, but I smell cancer. I know the skull is thick and all, but...I'd be careful. Especially those that use the bluetooth accessory...just adding a compounding factor to the equation.

Now, you may be thinking, Aren't there government regulations? Don't products have to undergo numerous rounds of testing to ensue their safety before being released to the general public? And, in a sense, you're right...in a sense. If you know anything about the wonderful US, you also are aware of the history of corruption in amongst our nation's leaders. Would you really put in past greedy politicians and lobbyists to place on the market a product which is potentially damaging to citizens? Especially if its generating millions in revenue? I wouldn't...it has happened time and time again (cough cough: : Pharmaceuticals : : cough cough) The thing about cell phones, unlike many other products on the market, is that no other product before bore any resemblance to it. The closest thing we had were beepers, and let's face it, they are barely related. Unlike beepers, which do transmit signals to our bodies, we use our cell phones all the time, and right next to our brains. In many households, the standard telephone has been partially or completely replaced by cellular phones.

Here's a nice little summary. Cellular phones produce RF (radiofrequency energy...aka radio waves). RFs are a form of electromagnetic radiation. And while the amount of RFs produced by cell phones are supposedly too low to cause damage, the amount of cell phones users had risen exponentially in the past decade...meaning there are a lot more electromagnetic waves flying around all about us.

Pulling some facts straight from the National Cancer Institute's website:

A cellular telephone user’s level of exposure to RF energy depends on several factors, including:  • the number and duration of calls • the amount of cellular telephone traffic at a given time • the distance from the nearest cellular base station  • the quality of the cellular transmissions • how far the antenna is extended • the size of the handset • whether or not a hands-free device is used

Hmm...has anyone reading this walked around Times Square at any time during the day? According to this description, Times Square is the epicenter of RF. The amount of people crammed in that however-many-block radius, all on cell phones...I don't know about you, but that sounds like a hotbed of RF to me.

While initial studies have indicated they are safe, longitudinal studies have yet to be carried out to fruition. It would truly take decades to properly conduct such a study, and we, as a nation and the entire world, were not ready to wait. Apparently most (but not all) studies show no correlation between cell phone usage and brain tumors. But, it is important to note that these do not take into account years of usage, and let's be real, cell phone usage has just recently become a craze (I'd say only within the past 10 years). My guess is that most of the people being studied, at most, were using cell phones for only 5 years. I know personally, I have been using a cell phone since 6th grade (yes, I was that one kid at school with the big ol' Zack Morris 10lb phone...lol). Where's the study to reassure me that 12 years of cell phone usage has not increased my risk of developing cancer? A: it doesn't exist.

Having studied a little bit of neuroscience, I am particularly concerned about possible cancer development among children. The human brain does not completely stop growing until the early 20s. As we all know, the highest age range of cell phone users are teenagers and young adults. Here is the equation as I see it: young, plastic brain + constant electromagnetic radiation (at low doses, of course) = developmental abnormalities ± brain cancer. (And I'm nearly 100% certain there are no studies on that)

Supposedly, using a hands-free model that distances the source of radiation (i.e. the cell phone) from the head if beneficial, as well as keeping conversations short. However, the newest fad has been the bluetooth. Uh...problem is that unlike the standard hands-free set (that connects the headset to the phone via a chord), bluetooth just adds in another step in the radiation process...yippie! Oh yeah, and apparently, it is safer to keep the cell phone further away from your body (i.e. not in a pocket or a phone clip). Now, for something that's supposedly non-harmful, there sure are many suggestions about how to be safer when using them...

...like the advisory sent out by a doctor to his entire staff to limit their cell phone usage. Actually, the doctor is Dr. Ronald B. Herberman, and he is the head of a prominent cancer research institute (the Univ. of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute). Oh, and yeah, I forgot to mention that our friendly neighbor to the north (Canada) has issued an official warning to adolescents...haha, way to blow the US's cover, Canada...I appreciate yall! You see, Canada and I are on the same page...we already know what the US already knows, but doesn't want to admit: all this cell phone usage is about to kill off people like the Bubonic Plague! (well, hopefully it won't be that serious...but, I wouldn't be surprised) So, when you see me walking around with the old-fashioned, uncool corded headset, you know why...plus, I swear, I can hear better that way ;)

The 25th VMAs, a Recap

2008-09-08T13:54:00.012-04:00

This post is going to be more free-thought in format...

Let's start with the host, Russell Brand = hilarious!! A million times better than that Sarah Silverman they had last year (maybe I just don't get her humor? But, somehow I doubt its just me) though his hair was...distracting...but, maybe that's a British rock star thing? I love how he, a British man, started off pubbing for Obama: "...Please, for the sake of the world, please vote for Barak Obama! …I know America is a forward-think country, how else would you have elected a retarded cowboy to office for 8 years?!? (lol) In Britain, we wouldn't have let bush hold a pair of scissors…” Aaahhhahahaha…got to love it!

I’m come to realize, no matter how hard I try to push it, I'm just not a Rihanna fan. “Umbrella” was hot (and let’s admit it, that all about the producer), other than that, I'll pass on her music. However, this little duet with TI was hot...might have used a much borrowed hook...is there an original thought left on the planet? Nah, didn't think so…

Oh yeah, TI is free!!! Yay!!!

Weezy F. Baby...too bad he is not attractive…not in the least. Talented young man, brilliant lyricist, but that is where that ends. But, just imagine if Lil’ Wayne looked handsome…crazy, right?!?

Chris Brown and Weezy shooting each other out...aww, how cute!!! You see, there is love left in the hip hop community!!!

Fanny Pack won! They might have not won on ABDC, but they’ve certainly won the hearts of Americans.

Pussy Cat Dolls...remember when Nicole went solo??? Lol…just a random thought that popped in my head. Also, I remember disdaining that song...and then it was somehow played on repeat on MTv, and became a “hit”…funny how that seems to happen… (Sidenot on MTv, I question the validity of having a VMA on a network that no longer truly shows music videos. As Justin Timberlake so loudly pointed out last year, MTv needs to play more music and less of these nonsense reality TV shows…but, I digress)

I don't get The Jonas Brothers craze. I honestly tried to put myself in the shoes of a 12 year old girl…and I just don’t get it. I can appreciate their promise rings (back off media). I think both Russell Brand and Jordan Sparks went a bit overboard…he just kept going on and on about them and their virginity, I mean, I feel like that’s just something you need to respect, especially in this day and age. And Sparks, I love her for standing up for them, she just needed to tone it down a few decibels.

Rock Band 2, what?!? with cymbals?!? That is basically a full drum set!!! Oh, it is on!!! Allow me to go on a brief tangent: The next installment of Guitar Hero (Guitar Hero World Tour) has, wait for it… …. … Flo-Rida's "Low" on its track list. What is this world coming too?!? I know many people who wanted a hip hop song on a Guitar Hero or Rock Band track list, but Low?!? Granted, Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” is said to also be on the game, but Low…I just have no words…

Lol, wait… Corbin Bleu, (the black boy from High School Musical…and no, as much as I love musicals, I have never watched it) he looks real cute off-set...not at all like that 16-year-old they make him play. I was in shock…looking like a man and all…I, for one, and impressed! Oh wait, let me stop…just looked up his info online…he’s definitely 4 years younger…let me nix that right now.

Paris Hilton's show (My New Bff)...wow, Paris!!! Way to slap Nicole Richie in the face! At least she has her ish together, and I respect her as a person…Paris…I have no words for you…and, does anyone else feel like Paris talks like she’s doped up on pain killers or something all the time? I’m just saying…

I see you LL Cool J, with the Jersey t-shirt on!! (Exit 13...you don't know what that means)...I’m just confused b/c he's from Queens...but whatevs, way to represent! Oh wait, this just in...its the name of his latest album (makes sense b/c you take Exit 13 on the NJ turnpike to go to Queens, aha…epiphany!)

Tokyo Hotel. 1) who are you? (ok, I know who they are, but only from my time spent in Germany…they did not deserve that award) 2) Male or Female...all members? The one I thought was obviously female opened its mouth...confusion then ensued.

I'm pretty sure the three awards Britney Spears won were an apology from MTv for exploiting her. These past few years, when she was going through hard times, they were quick to throw her before the cameras, knowing that she was a train wreck and that ratings would soar. Just take a look at last year’s VMAs. She opened them, was clearly on X, and just looked all-around like trash on-stage (they threw her up there against Timbaland’s wishes, the grand maestro of the night). Then, after that dreadful performance, Sarah Silverman proceeded to bash her and her children (I’m sorry, but no matter how much you dislike or disapprove of someone, you don’t call their children mistakes). Personally, I’m surprised she never won a Moonman before, as she’s had some good videos (“I’m a Slave”, “Toxic”, “One more Time”), but this year, other people deserved to win (i.e. Usher – “Love in this Club”, Weezy - “Lollipop”), some of which weren’t even mentioned (first two to pop in my head being Kanye West and Jay-Z).

I'm forever a P!NK, Christina Aguilera, and Kid Rock fan! I appreciate them, as they keep it real and do what they want…whether it is country, rock, rap, or singing (and they all have beautiful voices). They are original in their performances, creating new sounds and styles…and I liked all of their new songs! Best of all, they do not care if anyone is feeling them, as long as they are feeling themselves, they are happy. P.s. – Kid Rock, nice duo with Weezy (told you that boy had skill)!

Last, but certainly not least, what was Kanye doing at the end of the show?!? At times like these, he really seems to be Diddy incarnate...not a good look pimpin'(both have egos and try to “sing” when they shouldn't). Stick to what you do! (ps - don't they look like brothers in this pic I found?!? lol...ut-oh...)

All-in-all, decent show! Unlike last year, which was just a hotmess of a party in Vegas where everyone seemed on the verge of passing out, everyone this year seemed put together and still enjoying themselves. We appreciate it MTv, as in if we cannot be at the party, don’t ever again present us with a 3hour documentary of disjointed party that we cannot partake in or even begin to understand fully what is occurring. I know it is the more laid back awards show on television, but I’m glad to see it returned to a presentable broadcast. However, I am a wee-bit disappointed, for what are the VMAs without some sort of debacle?!?

Awkward Turtle Locations

2008-08-27T00:19:00.010-04:00

Now we all know certain locations are more conducive to awkward turtle moments. It is almost as if these locations amplify the amplitude of awkward vibes in the area, causing them to converge…on you!

#1 – Elevators
Probably the most obvious location, so let’s start here. Possibly the epitome of awkward situation locations, elevators leave you with no where to go, causing you to be literally boxed in with God-knows-who. These tight spaces, especially when packed with people, decrease the people to free space ratio, thus increasing the rate of invasion of personal space, which all lead to elevated awkwardness levels. Prime example: Empty elevator, save you. Elevator stops. You brace yourself for what might lie on the other side of the doors. People fill in, taking away your free air. As more people file in, you are less able to breathe freely. You don’t want to breathe too hard (no one likes breathing down other peoples’ neck), but at times it can be hard to breathe, especially if you’re jammed in their with taller individuals. The breathing scenario alone is awkward, and this doesn’t even include the possible insane conversations that you have inadvertently overhear, and inappropriately chuckle at. [sidenote: the most annoying conversation overheard is the rude person on the cell phone. It is irritating because the loud, annoying person gets reception, but you, however, Do Not!]

#2 - Stop lights
Now, I admit I have a bit of a temper…especially when behind the wheel, so this one may only apply to me. Doesn’t it always seem that right after you cut someone off on the road or have an intense bout of road rage, you wind up neck-and-neck with the car you offended and stuck at the longest red light in the world?!? Then you just sit and wait, trying not to glance over at the guy you offended only moments before, hoping they’re not glaring at you, and hoping even more that its not a really attractive guy behind the wheel...or worse, a cop in an undercover car. And when that light turns green…pedal to the metal and GO! [the icing on the cake is always when the driver of the other car is a co-worker…aaand you’re one block from work…aaaaaand you just look like a complete maniac behind the wheel. This is why I drive extra cautious when I’m in a 5 mile radius of my place of employment] Also, stop lights are the perfect spot for drivers to be harassed in any city, by locals trying to sell anything. In Philly, items of choice seem to be newspapers, bean pies, water, and Gatorade. In other cities, its flowers, ripped CDs, tickets, drugs, or window wiper service. Either way, lock those doors, roll up the windows, and avoid all eye contact!

#3 - Gynecologist exams
Pretty self-explanatory: Trying to make small talk (which, in and of itself has a propensity for awkwardness) with your feet in the stirrups, trying to relax, while a doctor is all up in your most personal space possible…talk about intimate.

#4 - Bathroom stalls
Doesn’t it always seem like whenever you’re talking about something personal/embarrassing/juicy the most unexpected person pops out of the corner stall during that awkward lull in conversation?!? Then, there’s the awkward moment in front of the mirror at the sinks, where the internal debate rages between whether you will a) acknowledge their presence verbally, pretending nothing happened, b) make eye-contact via the mirror and give a nod and maybe a meager “hey”, or c) completely ignore their presence (even if they reach across you to dispense some soap and ask you to pass them a paper towel) and pray under your breath that they leave with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of their shoe…or maybe that’s just me…?!?

#5 - Packed Subway
Kinda like the elevator, but being in a much larger venue, it allows for an increased range of awkward experiences. Much like the elevator, where you can be trapped with any looney (both in empty and cramped spaces), the subway does afford you the option of switching cars…but, 1) you never know what waits in the other car and 2) that door goes both ways – crazies can be let in too. I’d say the types of people encountered on subways are relatively constant across regional and national boarders. Common awkward individuals encountered include The Crackhead (don’t know what they’re saying, but you know they’re talking to you), Homeless (asking for money, might be carrying every possession they own, probably look dingy and are smelly), and there’s Smelly (the unidentifiable, sometimes identifiable, stinky individual that you pray doesn’t wind up with their armpit in your face). I don’t even know what else to say about the subway…we have a love/hate relationship.

# 6 - Silence
I don’t know how to classify this, but in my opinion, most places where there is complete and utter silence, there is an extremely high potential for the situation to spontaneously become overwhelmingly awkward. You know you’re just sitting there in silence, waiting for something awkward to happen – a cell phone ring, a random outcry, even a streaker. Then, when the random interruption does occur, you’re left debating how to respond. Instinctively, I most likely erupt with laughter, and if I have any sense left in me, I attempt (usually futilely) to stifle my giggles. And, we’re all familiar with the silent, awkward moment where you know you dare not look around, because if you do, there’s a 99.99995% chance your eyes will meet with the one person who will cause you to burst out into inappropriate laughter, drawing all negative attention to you.

While not every awkward scenario can be prevented, there are two measures that can be taken to greatly reduce the likelihood of said awkward situations involving you, even if you are caught in one of the aforementioned locations.
1st: Throw on those hata blockas! 9 times out of 10, no eye contact = no personal contact. I swear, when that crackhead makes eye contact, they sense vulnerability and pounce on you like a shark on chum. As an added bonus, as long as they're dark enough, you can oogle anything or anyone you please with people being none the wiser :)
2nd: iPod/mp3 player/cell phone. To be quite honest, most of the time a simple pair of headphones will suffice. The appearance of being unable to hear reduces the likelihood of being approached (note reduces, not eliminates). The unattached headphones fail when something utterly ridiculous occurs, resulting in overwhelming fits of laughter.

Alright…enough of being silly…time for beauty rest. Later…

Viruses

2008-08-14T17:41:00.036-04:00

So, besides this being finals week, my computer decides to go ahead and be weak, and allow umpteen viruses to infect my computer. To summarize my frustrations... 1) every other time I turn on my computer, it automatically shuts off in 30 seconds, 2) the virus(es) prevent me from accessing certain websites, especially those that discuss how to delete these viruses and improve your computer safety, 3) they restrict me from installing the necessary Windows updates that include patches to block them, 4) apparently, they are compromising my online security, 5) they frequently cause my laptop to freeze and make odd noises...really, the list could continue.

I was talking to a friend about my troubles, and instead of being sympathetic she laughed in my face and said there aren't any known viruses for Mac pcs, which got me thinking...How is that possible? Granted, I doubt there are any viruses for Linux, but then again, who uses that? Mac, on the other hand, is pretty popular, why not harass those users too?

Want my opinion on the matter? Either Mac is secretly hiring these computer hackers to devise obnoxious viruses specifically targeting the Bill Gates empire (which is my bet) or Mac pcs are so tightly structured, its taking hackers a looooong time to devise a plan, however, once they do, I believe it will devastate the entire Mac community. Maybe Mr. Gates isn't a good boss, and all his disgruntled employees spend their free time making these pests to target the holes they know are in the system. Eh, either way...my next laptop, if it is my choice, will be a Mac. Go Apple!

And R.I.P. Isaac Hayes

2008-08-11T17:05:00.008-04:00

Wow, what a sad weekend. First, Bernie Mac, now Mr. Sexy himself, Isaac Hayes (you know you his deep, baritone voice too...don't front). At the age of 65, Hayes' wife found his body lying beside their treadmill in Memphis. Arguably, Hayes is best known (at least by the older population) for the music he created for the Shaft soundtrack. While many of us were probably too young to have ever seen the movie, thanks to Will Smith's Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, I'm sure we're all familiar with the beat, the episode, and Will's infatuation with Shaft (Shaft...can you dig it?...yup, that was Isaac Hayes, who also played the groovy minister in Las Vegas). And though I am by no means an avid fan, I have watched enough episodes of South Park to recognize Hayes lending his voice to the Black chef (I think the character's name was Chef?). Eh, I'm not a fan of the show, but he sure did make that character memorable.

Besides his sexy voice, Hayes' is well known for his genius behind the scenes. Let's see, he won an Emmy, a Golden Globe and three Grammies (2 of which were for his musical creation for Shaft). He was even nominated for an NAACP Image Award just a few years ago for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series (really though, NAACP?!? You all condone that show...but, I digress). Truly a talented man, no where near the end of his prime. It is a shame he is gone, but his legacy lives on forever. Much love to the Hayes family.

R.I.P. Bernie Mac

2008-08-10T13:25:00.011-04:00

Bernard Jeffrey McCullough died yesterday morning, at the age of 50, from complications due to pneumonia. Like many others in the Philly area, I found out as I was driving to Target to run my Saturday errands. Boyz II Men's It's so hard to say Goodbye to Yesterday had just finished playing, when the radio host announced that he had massed earlier this morning. What an odd way to go out - pneumonia complications. I know that, especially in America, we tend to take for granted medical advances that have helped mankind overcome diseases we now consider almost trivial. I mean, how many people do you hear of dying from pneumonia? or strep throat? Thank God for the variety of antibiotics, as well as basic and advanced medical procedures that have helped increase life expectancy rates. However, this loss of such a talented, and relatively younger, life serves as a reminder. A reminder of how fragile life is, of how tomorrow is not guaranteed.

So, here's to the late Bernie Mac. An Original King of Comedy, whom many of us grew up with on television through his show, The Bernie Mac Show (which I still watch in syndication). And to memorable roles such as Bosley and Frank Catton in the Charlie's A ngels and Ocean's Eleven remakes. Despite any recent negative publicity Mac might have created in the Obama campaign (which was simply a matter of poor taste for the occasion), all remember him as an upstanding male role model in the Black community. A great comic and a lovable guy, Bernie Mac will always be remembered.

HIV/AIDS…More of a Black Issue than you Thought

2008-08-09T02:58:00.016-04:00

As I am studying for my BioChemistry and Cell Biology Exam, I stumbled across an interesting sidenote in some extra reading I was doing (yes, I do extra reading…yes, I’m a nerd…I embrace it). I will attempt to summarize the findings as simply as possible, so bear with me.

Roughly 900 years ago, the Black Plague hit Europe, killing roughly 1/3 of its population. Most who survived The Plague survived due to an advantageous mutation in their alleles of the gene producing CCR-5. What is CCR-5? CCR-5 is the name of part of a macrophage, which are the part of our body’s immune system that eats invading viruses and bacteria.

Normally, exposure to HIV results in the CCR-5 producing macrophage to be “hijacked” by the virus and used against the host to propagate infection. However, in its mutated form, CCR-5 is strong enough to basically beast the virus and devour it. In other words, if one is homozygous for this mutant allele (i.e. carry two copies of the mutated gene), they are immune to HIV/AIDS. Those heterozygous for it (i.e. carry only one copy of the mutated gene) still have some protection from the virus. But, those that have no copies for the mutation are fully susceptible to HIV infection.

It appears as though the mutated form of this allele originated in the general area of Sweden, and extended to most of North Western Europe. This mutation seems to have occurred well before The Plague hit, meaning that when it swept through Europe, it more or less eliminated those without the defect, leaving a large percentage of the population carrying those mutated alleles.

Through gene editing, scientists are working on a way to confer this immunity to everyone. Now, don’t get your hopes up too quickly. As you may or may not know, there is much we still don’t know about gene interactions, and it is more or less and trail-and-error method being used…meaning, the solution could come tomorrow or in 10 years, but it does seem that it is out there.

Surprised? I know I still am. But, wait…it doesn’t stop here...

Not only do many White people have a mutation that gives them an advantage, but Blacks have one that gives them a disadvantage. I kid you not (you know, at times like these, it feels like sometimes you just can’t win). The mutation originally was beneficial, as it kept Africans immune to malaria. However, it now renders people of African descent 40% more likely to catch HIV. Apparently, the mutation’s benefit is that it slows progression of HIV, giving the infected individual a whole 2 years more of life…whoopty-doo, two more years to a shortened, disease-ridden life. Roughly 90% of Africans and 60% of African Americans carry the mutation...those are some high percentages.

Makes you rethink some things, right? Like…how heavily are all the HIV/AIDS statistics influenced by these findings? Are Blacks and Whites engaging in the same potentially dangerous behaviors at the same rates, but these mitigating factors are drastically skewing the results? Or even worse, are Whites participating in riskier sexual behavior (as has been suggested in the gay community), but just aren't reaping the consequences? Clearly, we can't just ignore the social factors that contribute to the statistics (such a poverty, inadequate health care, etc), however, certainly genetics play a major role. But what can you do? This genetic information is just more of a reason the Black community needs to practice safe sex or abstinence. Until this immunity to HIV is developed, all I can say is WRAP IT UP!

My Laugh of the Day

2008-08-08T01:12:00.006-04:00

Since it is finals week, I will keep this post short. So, I was studying in the bookstore today (the campus bookstore is huge, and includes a full-sized Barnes & Noble, so there is plenty of reading space). Anywho, I enjoy studying in public places with plenty of white noise in the background (as I tend to recite aloud and/or make odd noises while I study…don’t ask, it just helps me concentrate and remember things). But, there was one conversation today that I just could not tune out. So, this white woman plops down at the table behind me (now, normally I wouldn’t pay any mind to the people around me, but she took 10 minutes to get settled and was making unnecessary noises the whole time). About an hour after she sat down a store worker walked by. I kid you not, she snapped at him as if he was her waiter, “Hey you!” (whistle and snaps)…the nerve of some people! (Everyone in the area turned their heads) She then proceeded to ask him a series of arbitrary questions about books scattered throughout the two-story building (not even in his section). Here comes the kicker: she then asked what was the deal with putting all of those Barack books on display in front of the Starbuck’s area. Now, this guy (bless his heart) is an über hippie young white guy. Their conversation proceeded something like this…

Woman: What’s the deal with all those Barack books on display over there?
Dude: Um…we’re a bookstore? We put books on display? (clearly confused)
Woman: I mean, I don’t see any McCain books displayed…
Dude: …
Woman: On a campus of an institution such as this, I would expect neutrality, in regards to politics. What sort of an agenda are you trying to push anyway?!?
Dude: I believe the Obama books are on display because they’re on sale…
Woman: Well, why aren’t McCain’s books on sale??
Dude: I think its just because Obama’s books are really popular. We keep selling out–
Woman: - yeah yeah yeah. But you all should be promoting McCain as much as you do Obama. You are not here to push your own agenda!
Dude: Uh, I really just think its because we’re a bookstore and his books are very popular...

Now, this dialogue proceeded as such for the next 10 minutes or so, with them each repeating the same 1-2 sentences. You do not even know…your girl nearly fell out! Maybe it was because I had been studying for entirely too long, but I found this interaction hysterical! I’m pretty certain this young man had nothing to even do with that section of the store. When asked about McCain’s books, I don’t think he was even certain McCain had written a book, let alone where to find them in the store if they did exist. Beyond looking utterly confused, I think he thought (as did the rest of us) that this woman had just lost her mind. And, hey…why couldn’t she get it through her thick skull the simplicity of the matter: if you want McCain’s books on display, they need to be popular (especially among college students, as this is a college campus…take your middle-aged self to the burbs)…and, if you want his books to sell, you need McCain to be personable and interesting…none of which he is to me. Actually, the more I watch him, the more socially awkward he appears. Did anyone catch him with the Dalai Lama?!? I think all those botox injections are starting to spread through McCain’s whole being…talk about a walking stiff!!! Lol… But, why does McCain look like he's using the Dalai Lama as a cane?!? Even if he is 72, that is still inappropriate!! (sidenote: the Dalai Lama is only 1 year older than McCain) Lololol...ok, let me stop…

Disney goes Black

2008-08-04T11:04:00.021-04:00

The Princess and the Frog.

In case you haven't heard, Disney's 48th animated film, The Princess and the Frog (an adaptation of the classic Grimm's fairy tale, The Frog Princess) is Disney's first African American animated film. All I can say is, "it is about time!"....we all know The Lion King just wasn't cutting it. Directed by the people that brought us Aladdin, Hercules, and The Little Mermaid, I'm excited to hear the musical score. The central character in the film, Princess Tiana, will be voiced by Anika Noni Rose (you might remember her from a little film called Dreamgirls) and her mother will be brought to life by none other than Angela Bassett...yay! To top it off, the film is set in 1920's New Orleans jazz era in the Garden District of the French Quarters. I'm excited!!!

However, let's rewind for a moment.

Princess Tiana was originally Maddy the chambermaid, but thanks to protests, the name was changed and she was made a princess. Ummm...is anyone else confused?!? I'd really like to know how these Disney creators planned on telling the classic tale of The Frog Princess using a chambermaid...a black chambermaid that starts out working for a spoiled, rich, white Southern debutante named Charlotte, nonetheless...really though?!? I know Disney has a history of racial insensitivity (if not downright racism and stereotypical views of all things not white), but come, come now...it is 2008 (or 2009 when the film is set for release).

And, as a good friend told me on AIM, "[D]isney never fails to coon someone out!!!...having that bug looking like someone's crack head uncle!" That "bug" would be Ray, the lovesick Cajun firefly...but, he is nearly Disney's first cooned-out, stereotyped animated character (random insert: Princess Tiana's derriere is HUGE...). Let's see...there was Sebastian, everyone's favorite lil' Jamaican crab in The Little Mermaid and his other fish buddies (including the 'blackfish'). How can we forget the lovable, lazy, jobless crows from Dumbo, as well as King Louie from The Jungle Book??? Yeah, since the beginning, Disney has had a way of covertly and overtly suggesting the inferiority of Blacks. If my brief list has interested you, I suggest you take a look at Ben Joseph's extended list. And do you know what's nearly at the top of the list? A: Song of the South.

I kid you not, I don't even remember watching this movie as a child, but, like many others, I vividly recall its hit song Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah. To summarize the movie, it is about an old black man happily working on a plantation post-Civil War South (actually, having watched this I agree with the statement that this movie depicts life as a Black on a plantation through the vantage point of an acid-trip). As Mr. Joseph so cleverly put it,

"It's as if someone made a children's musical about Jews in post-World War II Germany that had a number titled 'Hey! Nothing Bad Has Happened to Us, Ever.'"

Anyways, how does this tie in to The Princess and the Frog? Its rather simple (and sad). The Song of the South has yet to be released on home video...keyword: yet. Disney's apparently considering re-releasing it on home DVD (after a few modifications, I'm sure) and they want to put a preview of The Princess and the Frog on the DVD. As I say...there is always a motive. Now, why would Disney do this? The answer's simple. When people protest and raise objections against the Song of the South (which, you know they will), Disney can turn to The Princess and the Frog and say that this is the "new" Disney that doesn't use narrow-minded, stereotypical views to depict Blacks. Will this work? Probably not. As previously mentioned, The Princess and the Frog has already created its own controversy about portraying stereotypical images of blacks...in order for this trick of Disney's to work, it needed to be above reproach. I hear Disney might try this Song of the South release this upcoming winter...time will tell.

Eh, either way, this Black chick is excited for the release of The Princess and the Frog next year. And, I'm hoping that since the film is currently in production, extensive editing and revisions will make it a true masterpiece. It is about time that Black children have Disney characters they can identify with other than Simba, Sebastian, King Louie, and the three backup singers in Hercules! Yay!!! However, if that frog turns out to be a White Prince...oh, boy...Disney better brace itself for that backlash!

Barack's Prayer

2008-08-03T12:26:00.017-04:00

I was watching The View the other day, and was aghast to discover that someone had removed Sen. Barack Obama’s prayer from the Western Wall. Let’s review the history of The Wall briefly. More commonly referred to as the Wailing Wall, the actual site dates all the way back to 19 BC, supposedly built by King David himself. While The Wall stretches down and around Israel, 60 feet of it is dedicated to prayers. God has promised that The Wall would never be destroyed, and to this day it still stands. According to the sages, when one prays at The Wall “it is as if he has prayed before the throne of glory because the gate of heaven is situated there and it is open to hear prayer.” Dating back to 1743, people have placed their people place their prayers on slips of papers and insert them into The Wall, where they are said to directly ascend into heaven. Millions have come to The Wall over the centuries, including religious pilgrims and foreign heads of states.

But, Obama’s visit was different. Visiting The Wall on July 24^th, wrote a prayer note and placed it in the wall, just as millions before him had done. Now normally, prayers are removed twice a year and placed in a repository of religious items, where it is guarded so human eyes never behold the messages. However, unlike previous visitors, his note was subsequently removed from The Wall and read by none other than a group of Jewish seminary students. And then, it was published by an Israeli newspaper. This series of unethical events is despicable, although the message of the note was, in my opinion, humbly beautiful.

I have hesitation quoting the note, but since it is published and Google-able, I’ll save you the trouble of searching for it. The alleged note (as it is unconfirmed that it is Sen. Obama’s) reads,

“Lord — Protect my family and me. Forgive me my sins, and help me guard against pride and despair. Give me the wisdom to do what is right and just. And make me an instrument of your will.”

Simply beautiful.

Now, for the ugliness of the situation - this sacrilegious action against the holiest site in Judaism, by a group of Jewish seminarians…and, as a joke. Of all people, these boys should have reverence for this holy site. According to Jonathan Rosenblum, an esteemed Jewish Orthodox, "Anybody who goes to the Western Wall and places a note there does so under the assumption that it's a private communication between him and God, and therefore once he has that presumption of confidentiality, there are rabbinic decrees against reading anybody else's private communications." To me, what this group did is beyond comprehension.

Personally, I feel that they should be booted out of the seminary. If they cannot be trusted in this simple matter, of which they had no business even involving themselves, how on earth are they to be trusted as rabbis with the confidentiality they are supposed to guarantee in such a role. According to CNN, after placing his prayer in The Wall, reporters asked Obama what he wrote. He declined to share his prayer and told them that it was a private conversation between him and God. While some are simple enough to debate whether this act of desecration inhibited Obama’s prayer from reaching God, I know for a fact that since God knows all, sees all, created all, He knows Obama’s intentions, his heart, and what he wrote on that piece of paper, even if it was removed from The Wall.

I do pray for Obama, his family, and their safety. It is a rough position to be in as anybody running for a political office, let alone running for President of the United States, let alone as the first Black man who truly has a shot at winning. Your entire past under scrutiny, every move you make, and every thing you say and do recorded and analyzed by people who are just sitting around, waiting for you to slip up and show that you are in fact human. Personally, I would crack…talk about being under a magnifying lens…I would fry! But, Sen. Obama appears to be holding his own, standing strong, and praying guidance. When something as private and off-limits as a prayer makes its way to front-page headlines, all that is left to do is pray.

Was July Black Appreciation Month and No One told Me?!? (Part III)

2008-08-02T11:41:00.001-04:00

A month in review
CNN Presents: Black in

America

The three segments featured were The Black Woman & Family, The Black Man, and King Assassination. While I appreciate the Special Report and the manner in which Soledad O’Brien went about presenting the segments, I must say, nothing in the reports was new information to me. I suppose some of the information came as a surprise to some people, I was just not one of those individuals. I am not sure what I was expecting to see when I clicked on the tube, but it certainly was not Black People 101. I felt like the miniseries was the equivalent of taking an introductory course to a foreign culture, except that I am native, making it all redundant. Nothing new or profound was presented in the series. As bad as it might sound, I did not even want to watch after the first episode. It seemed like a waste of time to sit and watch a long documentary/discussion that was presenting old information. (I did stop watching after the second segment, sorry Dr. King) As much as I wanted to support the special series by giving them my ratings, I had studying to do – would hate to become a statistic of unfulfilled potential.

I sincerely appreciate the effort put forth by CNN and Ms O’Brien to even undertake such an initiative. It is not an easy task, and for a first shot at it, it was not too bad. I think the only surprising part of the documentary was that the overly verbose Reverend Dr. Michael Eric Dyson has a younger brother in jail for life (the situation in and of itself is not surprising, I just did not know Dyson was in that situation). And Soledad…talk about a no-holds-bar approach… [Soledad to Dyson’s brother] “So basically you helped destroy and corrupt the community you brother was working so hard to build up. How does that make you feel?” A little rough there Soledad, don’t you think? But, she did keep it real and avoided beating around the bush, which I appreciate. And I did chuckle when my man Dr. Cornel West began talking about the genius of the fool that is Lil’ Wayne. That discussion was, in my words, priceless! lol

My friend wrote a blog about this same issue. Check it out. He has much more to say about the subject than me. I think the word I would use to describe CNN's documentary is underwhelming. Nope, I'm not even sure that is a word, but I do feel that it is highly applicable in this situation. Actually, in my review, we are 2 for 3 for underwhelming appreciation of Black America (CNN and ah-hem AMA apology ::cough cough::), with Vogue Italia as the outlier (thank you, Vogue Italia!)...Ummmm...Do better, America.

Was July Black Appreciation Month and No One told Me?!? (Part II)

2008-07-31T17:41:00.000-04:00

A month in review.

Unless you have been living under a rock this past month, I am sure you have at least heard rumors about Vogue Italia: The Black Issue. From the moment the rumors landed on my ears, I went on a nonstop search for the illusive magazine. Seriously, I looked like a fiend every time I entered Barnes & Noble. And, every time, they were sold out. Finally, early last week, I was able to snatch (literally) the last copy off the newsstand with victory…persistence is key! Unlike the original print, my copy is shrink-wrapped and reads “First Reprint. The Most Wanted Issue Ever.” Never has a truer statement been made. In both Britain and the US, the magazine has been in high demand, causing reprints of a magazine that usually receives little attention. While I was fortunate enough to pay only $15+ tax for my issue, some newsstands are turning a profit by charging upwards of $25 for the issue, and it has been rumored to be found on Ebay for a whopping $50 (that’s absurd! come on people…get out of your house and go hunting for it).

I must admit, when I first opened my issue, I was a bit disappointed. I had been told that the entire magazine would use only Black models, but much to my surprise, all of the first ads consisted of only White people. In confusion, I double-checked the cover and then flipped to the middle, where my eyes were pleasantly delighted to behold a magnificent 100+ page spread of my beautiful Black sisters. The stellar line-up of models includes Chanel Iman, Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell, Toccara Jones, Grace Jones, Jourdan Dunn, Liya Kebede, Alek Wek, Pat Cleveland, and Karen Alexander, just to name a few. Photographed by the magnificent Steven Meisel, I think the issue was purely delightful :) I must say, the throwback of old photos and Essence & Ebony covers gave the spread a certain finesse…nicely done! (Though, I personally did not find Naomi’s topless section fashionable…not in the least) I find it odd that outside of the spread, the adverts consisted of only white people. Logically, I assumed that in an issue dedicated to appreciating Black Beauty, ads would likewise reflect this sentiment. Guess I was asking for too much at once?

In a world driven by supply-and-demand, the sales records set by The Black Issue should, in my opinion, greatly help advance a movement in the fashion world towards diversified runways and photo shoots...hopefully. I do believe French Vogue has followed suit with a Black model gracing the cover (but, it is on 1 of 2 covers, with the other one being a White model, aaaand there is only one other photo of a Black girl in the magazine...Do Better, France!). In the past, I have limited my financial supported (i.e. purchases) to magazines such as Ebony and Essence, that depict beauty to which I can relate (think The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison). However, if diversity becomes a trend in fashion magazines, perhaps I shall be divvying up my money between a few more magazines.

Good job Franca Sozzani (editor-in-chief) and Steven Meisel (photographer)!!! I hear sales are up 650+% from the last issue!!! (but why not US vogue?) Aside from the (basically) white-only adverts (where the $$$ is), my only other complaint is that I cannot read Italian :(

Oh, and the fact that the concept for this entire issue was partially spurred by Obama’s victory on the campaign trail: icing on the cake!

Black is Back, Baby!!!

Was July Black Appreciation Month and No One told Me?!? (Part I)

2008-07-29T04:05:00.000-04:00

A month in review.

Mid-July, rumors buzzed about an AMA Apology to be published in the July 16^th issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. An apology from the prestigious medical organization to Black doctors who had been boldly denied admission to many medical societies, and thus limiting their opportunity for advancement… for over 100 years. While there has been much talk about the article, I wanted to read it myself to form my own opinions. However, refusing to pay the ~ $125 membership fee to access the documents online, until I can locate a hard copy elsewhere, I will give my initial impressions based on what I can find.

First, the abstract of the article states,

“Like the nation as a whole, organized medicine in the UnitedStates carries a legacy of racial bias and segregation thatshould be understood and acknowledged. For more than 100 years,many state and local medical societies openly discriminatedagainst black physicians, barring them from membership and fromprofessional support and advancement. The American Medical Associationwas early and persistent in countenancing this racial segregation.Several key historical episodes demonstrate that many of thedecisions and practices that established and maintained medicalprofessional segregation were challenged by black and whitephysicians, both within and outside organized medicine. Theeffects of this history have been far reaching for the medicalprofession and, in particular, the legacy of segregation, bias,and exclusion continues to adversely affect African Americanphysicians and the patients they serve.” Source: http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/300/3/306

While this is all nice and good, a series of unanswered questions pop into my head.

First and foremost, what is prompting this apology???
This apology seems to be coming from out of the blue. Is there something going on behind the scenes that we the public are not privy to? Or, is something about to emerge in the near future and the AMA wants to go on record as having apologized for a century of misdoings. Call me a skeptic, but I smell something fishy. Rarely, if ever, do people apologize for a perpetuated sin…unless they foresee punishment.

What are you, the AMA, going to do to rectify the situation?
As the abstract states, “…[it] continues to adversely affect African Americanphysicians and the patients they serve.” So, if it continues to affect people, it is still an issue, which a simple apology will not rectify. I would like to see the AMA supporting the efforts of the NMA (National Medical Association, the African American doctor association).

Who are you?
Ok, I know the AMA stands for the American Medical Association, but really, what do you know about the AMA. I remember a Medical Ethics course I took in undergrad. One of the topics we discussed was the AMA, its function, and how it is looked upon by both sides of the medical community – physicians and patients. Where do I even begin?!? To summarize, the AMA is an organization founded by (surprise, surprise) white male physicians, and historically restricting membership to whites. Most doctors are not even members of the AMA, view it as nothing more than a social organization that collects money and power that remains unshared in the hands of a few. Designed to unite the privileged in the medical community, its aim is to retain a form of (white) power within the profession. It is a money making organization, not necessarily held in high esteem by its peers (hence why a majority of doctors are not members). However, to unsuspecting patients, any good doctor should be a member of the AMA, because to the average patient, what other medical association is known?

Are you really only apologizing to Black doctors?
What about doctors of other non-European descent?!? If the AMA, a predominantly white organization, discriminated openly against African Americans, I am fairly certain they did not greet Latino Americans, Asian Americans, or any other non-Whites with open arms.

And what about the patients affected?!? At the end of the day, by limiting progress of the physician, the AMA has limited service and care to the patients – especially within the African American population. So, while Black doctors certainly deserve an apology, their patients deserve one too. In addition to restrictions placed on physicians of color, many patients of color were also the targets of numerous unethical, unmoral, repulsive studies that members of the AMA willfully conducted within minority communities. Most obviously, there is the infamous Tuskegee Experiment that ran (officially) from 1932 – 1972. And who apologized for that? The AMA? The medical community that sat by and literally let an entire community suffer an die? No. In 1997, President Bill Clinton issued a formal apology on behalf of the United States Government, a good 65 years after initiation of the study. Disgust. Surprising, at least to me, is the amount of non-Black Americans that are ignorant of the existence of this experiment. How many have heard of the Edmunton-Zagred Measles Vaccine or the recent Norplant Experiment in Baltimore? I could go on forever…and it makes me sick. (http://www.naturalnews.com/019189.html for more info)

I have been wanting to read Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present by Harriet A. Washington (but as I am currently reading about 5 books, I will have to put that on the back burner). I was talking to a friend who had read this book, and she told me that what she was most concerned about reading were the experiments occurring in present-day America, right under our noses. Think about it. Where are most of the major research hospitals and institutions located? Answer: impoverished, uneducated, minority communities. Just think of any top 10 institution. With the exception of one (Princeton, which is not really research-oriented), they are all located in lower socioeconomic areas. Coincidence? I’m not sure… (and yes, sadly my undergraduate institution came up in the book on more than one occasion, causing me to shed a tear)

I really could go on and on about the issues I have with this “apology.” However, for my fingers’ sake, I shall end this discussion here. The apology is accepted and fairly well received, however it needs to be extended and its words must be put into action for it to have true meaning.

An Informal Introduction

2008-07-27T20:47:00.001-04:00

Hello all, and welcome to my latest Blog! While my pen name is Dr. Write, I am not a doctor...yet. I am currently studying to (hopefully) become an M.D. one day...just give me a few more years. I am writing this blog more for personal reasons than social - that is, while I appreciate an comments you may have, I am blogging for my own entertainment and self-expression. I love to write and it helps me relax. Plain and simple.

As the title of this blog might suggest, I enjoy commenting on events occurring around me, thus generating a social prognosis of sorts. You may agree with me, you may think I am insensitive, or even an idiot - I do not care. At the end of the day, I am treating this as an experiment of myself. I want to document my thoughts, feelings, and opinions on certain matters. If you find enjoyment or stimulation from it, well...we will consider that an added bonus.

Now, a little more about me. I am an African American female studying to become a doctor. That means I have very little free time. But, I thought that perhaps by blogging, I will be forced to at least attempt to keep up with current events. Eh, its worth a shot (it is free). I graduated from a top 10 university last May, and, like many other young, burnt out students, decided to take some time out to reflect on my tumultuous undergraduate experience, to re-analyze my life, and to just rest. I am currently back in school and have just started the medical school application process...which is both long and tedious...not to mention expensive...any and all donations are welcomed ;) I will be sure to keep you updated on that.

I have had a blog before, and I found it to be a lot of fun, especially when I received stimulating comments from my readers. With that said, Bring It On.