Think/Feel vs. Know

So, I just finished my first interview last Monday, and I must say it went pretty well (or at least that's what I think). In retrospect, I would admit that I might have slightly overstudied, however, I think that overstudying helped me feel properly prepared for any question that might be thrown my way. For instance, I thoroughly investigated various aspects of health care reform, from the history of health care in the US to the role of insurance industries and lobbyists in keeping the discussion of reform off the table. Was I specifically asked for my views on health care in the US? No. Did the topic of health care come up in conversation? Yes. Consequently, I was able to integrate the research I had done to make an informed, backed-up statement about...however brief it might have been.

I have two more interviews scheduled in the next two weeks and I'm trying my best to not let this first interview negatively affect my upcoming ones. I was so nervous and confused about what would happen at my first interview that it drove me to do intense research and preparation. However, now that it is over and I absolutely loved the school and I think I have a good chance of receiving an acceptance offer come October 15th (keeping fingers crossed), I find it ridiculously hard to force myself to study and prepare for the next ones. I really don't think it helps that I fell in love with the school and I honestly couldn't picture a medical school that will help mold me into the type of physician I desire to be - it had so many unique opportunities available and such a loving and happy and unstressed student body and a wonderfully caring administration. It is definitely my top choice now and any school I subsequently am blessed to interview at will be stacked up again it.

While it's nice to know that I have potentially secured a spot at a school I love, it makes it difficult taking preparation for other schools seriously. I am trying my best. I do feel that it is important to make a truly informed decision, especially on something as big as medical school selection. In order to accomplish this, it means I need to put my best foot forward for all schools and to act as if each is the only school I am being considered at. Easier said than done.

What also isn't helping is that the interview at this school was extremely laid back. I felt like they were truly just trying to get to know who I am as a person, what my interests are, and assessing how well I liked the area and would fit in with their community. In sum, it was a lovely, relaxing experience. But, I'm no fool. I know that not every med school interview is going to be laid back and solely focused on me. I anticipate some will focus on (or at least touch upon) topics such as health care reform, issues in medical ethics, and current events. Do I feel prepared for such a conversation? As of yet, I'm not sure. I do feel that I have a base understanding of such things, but I still don't feel thoroughly prepared to engage in discourse on such subject matters. But, will I ever feel ready? My guess is no. My guess is that I will never know exactly where I stand on anything. I will never know every aspect of every feasible issue - I am only human and the sea of information (usually overwhelming in quantity and saturated with bias) is easy to drown in. I do feel that I can hold a conversation well and that I have enough info crammed in my head to convincingly support my opinions. There goes that 4-letter F-word again: feel. Ah, feelings...can make you believe you're sitting pretty on cloud 9, when reality says you're slowly sinking down toward hades. lol. Or, vice versa for my optimists.

Guess I better step my game back up with this interview prep thing before my feelings of security lead me down a deceptive, self-assured path heading straight towards rejections and waitlists. Yikes. Now there's a motivating image. Time to get to it!

(I completely borrowed this post from my other blog. Sue me.)

Go Easy on CBreezy...

I meant to touch upon this a while ago, but alas, life got busy :/ Anywho, I caught the Chris Brown interview on Larry King Live and subsequently followed the responses of hundreds of Americans via Twitter. I am so appalled by America. First of all, who are all of you to judge anyone else?!? I'll be the first to say that I do not in any way condone domestic violence, but CB wasn't condoning what he did. He didn't have to come out and offer anyone (other than Rihanna) an apology, and yet he humbly put himself before the entire country/world and did so.

Rewinding right quick to his Internet apology, a lot of people said it seemed insincere and they just didn't believe it. Let me ask you naysayers a question. How nervous do you imagine you'd feel if you new you were about to make a public apology (about an act your are already ashamed of yourself for) that would be repeatedly watched and scrutinized indefinitely, and that every word and gesture you'd make would be picked apart? Personally, I'd be scared to death. I'd probably be sweating profusely, shaking nervously, and agitatedly fidgeting. Honestly, I'd probably be so nervous I wouldn't even go through with it. Was he reading off a TelePrompter? Yes. Were those his feelings behind the words, no matter how unemotional you might have perceived his voice? Yes. And let's face it, while that young man can sing, he's never been the best, most loquacious public speaker. I'm not particularly sure why people thought that all of a sudden he was going to kick it into eloquent speaker gear and arouse deep-seated emotions in the viewers. Please spare me. He did something most of us wouldn't have the nerve to go through with. I applaud him.

Now, back to the Larry King Live interview. A lot of people cannot seem to get past the fact that Chris can't remember actually hitting Rihanna. From personal experience, I'll say that I 100% believe him. I've been in an impromptu scuff before. I'll give you the short version of the story. We were at a very nice club and lounge and we were meeting up with a group of guys. They had bought a table, thus they had the right to dictate who could sit in the area and who could not. They (the guys and the club) had repeatedly asked this group of hoodrat girls (how they got in, I have no idea) to relocate, but the farthest the girls would go was to the other end of the table. So enter us. We come in, the guys are being extra nice to us, buying bottles of champagne and sliced strawberries (p.s. fellas, that last one is a nice touch!) - the works. We're all in engaging conversations, then my friend and I go to the bathroom. We come back, and the three of us decide to go dance. All I remember happening is my tall friend walking onto the dance floor and then one of the hoodrats yelling "Your friend kicked me!" and lunging onto my other friend. Ut-oh. I remember being pulled left as the girl tackled my friend to the right of me. Next thing I know, we're in the back room. I have no recollection of what transpired, how long this altercation lasted - I was literally blacked out by adrenaline. Shoot, if you had asked me what had happened, I would've said that I wasn't involved...that is until I realized an earring of mine had been snatched out, along with some of my hair, shoes were scratched up beyond repair, I had bruises, oh and I left the other girl on the floor...right. When you snap, you snap. You don't know what happened or exactly how you snapped, but you know that you did.

Chris is very tight-lipped about the events leading up to the event (I suspect out of respect to Rihanna, but I could be wrong). In doing so, we have absolutely no idea what prompted his "snap," and as such, people need to fall back on the judging! We all know he grew up in a home where domestic violence occurred (bless him and his mom for having to publicly relive all those old buried emotions), and we have no idea what effect that had on him subconsciously. None whatsoever. For all we know, she could have called him something or struck him that triggered a series of reactions in his brain that caused him to lose control momentarily. Paired with the fact that he's a strong young man who's been trained in martial arts, his snapping physically on someone is not the same as you or I snapping on someone. Cut the guy some slack.

The only comment I agree with was that the bow tie was not working. As for everything else negative said, fall back hypocritical America - Fall.Back. I know you all would not deal well with every flaw and transgression of yours publicly broadcast.

Tired.

Busy, busy, busy...almost to the point of being stressed out. So, if you remember (or care), say a prayer for me.

Working 1.5 jobs. Looking for a third. Just dropped off my mom's health insurance plan (yet again). Can't afford another one or Cobra. Thinking a third job might be able to cover my health insurance? Applying to med school. Have two interviews coming up. Trying to call people and prepare for those. I also have another blog, that I put more time into (sorry). I try to squeeze in some sleep everyday. Bills are piling up. People aren't paying me on-schedule. Sometimes, you just want to scream...or cry...or maybe a little bit of both, simultaneously. Having a hard time keeping up with friends and family - my apologies. I swear, if I can survive 2009, I can survive anything! Slightly injured...lots of knee pain, but no insurance :/ I take 20+ pills full of vitamins, herbs, and minerals because I'm terrified if I get minorly sick, it'll develop into something big. (i.e. I had a common little bit of stuffiness the other month...turned into a sinus infection...somehow turned into tonsilitis = I kept losing my voice, my tonsils were engorged, difficulty breathing, and lots of pain...required a lot of antibiotics to get rid of...can't afford that now). I'm tired. I run back and forth between Jersey, Philly, and NY and I.am.tired.

But, through it all, I try to remind myself that my God is also known as Jehovah-Jireh (My Provider). Looking for miracles #208-#213 of the year ;)