Going Vegetarian :)

You all know how impulsive I can get... So, today, I decided that I am going to make a somewhat drastic life change and go vegetarian!!! I can hardly believe it. As I sit and read story after story and article upon article on sites like GoVeg.com, I grow more convinced that this will in fact be a great decision.

Oddly enough, this all started after a period of fasting. I've been toying with fasting lately (well, perhaps I shouldn't use the word toy, as it implies playing games, and I don't play games with spiritual matters) and after my last one, I have no desire to reintroduce meat into my body. I don't even know why. I read about Daniel and his fast of fruits and vegetables, and something about his story resonated deeply with my soul. I'm not sure what, but I know this must be deep because I reached this conclusion as the aroma of mom's Jamaican curry chicken (my favorite meal) cooking in the crock pot flooded the house. For me to make a 30-day vow swearing off meat amidst that glorious smell means that this is serious. And yes, I said 30-days. I'm going to start with a trial period. I spent hours tonight on GoVeg.com and stumbled upon an online pledge from PETA vowing to play vegetarian for 30-days to live a "healthier, more compassionate life."

Now, I don't know about being more compassionate, but I do plan on being healthier. Just think of all the increased nutrients you take in by substituting veggies for meats. And think of how many days it takes for your body to fully process and digest meats versus the hours it takes to do so for fruits and veggies. Wave good-bye to any digestive issues and sluggishness after meals. That's right, I've said Good-bye! to The Itis!!! lol. I love it already! And unlike someone else I know who went "vegetarian," I will NOT be turning into a carbotarian. That's right, I said carbotarian (can't take credit for that hilarious term). This one girl I know refers to herself as a "vegetarian," but I swear the only vegetable I've seen her eat are potatoes in the form of french fries :/ Yikes. That's an excellent way to carbo-load and gain weight...I'll pass. As far as thinking of good recipes, I've already started. Tonight for dinner, I made a Portobello and Pineapple Black Bean with Corn Quesadilla (whole weat, of course) - can we say oralgasmic? It was delicious. I love how my mom stood in the corner of the kitchen staring at me in amazement at 1) how good the food looked and smelled and 2) how natural and efficient I was in the kitchen (she's never home when I cook). I was so good I nearly licked the plate. Perhaps I'll take a picture next time...maybe even chronologize this process. I hear that your taste buds even heighten and a lot of different ethnic food varieties are explored as one ventures into the world of vegetarianism. I'm pumped!

As for being more compassionate...I refuse to watch the videos they have posted on the website of the inhumanity animals face to feed us. First off, I don't want to watch it because I'm sure it's repulsive (the freeze-frame of one has this huge human hand wrapped around the throat of a chicken. Gee, I wonder how that ends...I don't know, blood quirting everywhere?!?). Secondly, I believe animals were put on this earth for human use - God gave us dominion over animals. Therefore, (and I believe I've written about this before) I don't really care how bad it looks to rear and kill this animals to promote human health. Call it inhumane if you want, but guess what? Animals are not human, so treating them inhumane makes sense to me.

Quietly, I'm curious to see a snapshot of my life in 10-15 years. I could picture myself a sold-out, Go Green! vegetarian (maybe even vegan) with locks and a locked-up hubby and a few lil' rugrats running around the house in all-natural fibers - Yeah, I said it. lol I'm curious to see how this all turns out slash how long this will last...

Newsflash: I have no life. Between these jobs, one of which (the one paying the bills) is flippant about paying us, and all the med school interviews, I have no free time. I actually have so many thoughts running thru my mind that I want to blog about, yet...no time. Keep me in your prayers!!!

Think/Feel vs. Know

So, I just finished my first interview last Monday, and I must say it went pretty well (or at least that's what I think). In retrospect, I would admit that I might have slightly overstudied, however, I think that overstudying helped me feel properly prepared for any question that might be thrown my way. For instance, I thoroughly investigated various aspects of health care reform, from the history of health care in the US to the role of insurance industries and lobbyists in keeping the discussion of reform off the table. Was I specifically asked for my views on health care in the US? No. Did the topic of health care come up in conversation? Yes. Consequently, I was able to integrate the research I had done to make an informed, backed-up statement about...however brief it might have been.

I have two more interviews scheduled in the next two weeks and I'm trying my best to not let this first interview negatively affect my upcoming ones. I was so nervous and confused about what would happen at my first interview that it drove me to do intense research and preparation. However, now that it is over and I absolutely loved the school and I think I have a good chance of receiving an acceptance offer come October 15th (keeping fingers crossed), I find it ridiculously hard to force myself to study and prepare for the next ones. I really don't think it helps that I fell in love with the school and I honestly couldn't picture a medical school that will help mold me into the type of physician I desire to be - it had so many unique opportunities available and such a loving and happy and unstressed student body and a wonderfully caring administration. It is definitely my top choice now and any school I subsequently am blessed to interview at will be stacked up again it.

While it's nice to know that I have potentially secured a spot at a school I love, it makes it difficult taking preparation for other schools seriously. I am trying my best. I do feel that it is important to make a truly informed decision, especially on something as big as medical school selection. In order to accomplish this, it means I need to put my best foot forward for all schools and to act as if each is the only school I am being considered at. Easier said than done.

What also isn't helping is that the interview at this school was extremely laid back. I felt like they were truly just trying to get to know who I am as a person, what my interests are, and assessing how well I liked the area and would fit in with their community. In sum, it was a lovely, relaxing experience. But, I'm no fool. I know that not every med school interview is going to be laid back and solely focused on me. I anticipate some will focus on (or at least touch upon) topics such as health care reform, issues in medical ethics, and current events. Do I feel prepared for such a conversation? As of yet, I'm not sure. I do feel that I have a base understanding of such things, but I still don't feel thoroughly prepared to engage in discourse on such subject matters. But, will I ever feel ready? My guess is no. My guess is that I will never know exactly where I stand on anything. I will never know every aspect of every feasible issue - I am only human and the sea of information (usually overwhelming in quantity and saturated with bias) is easy to drown in. I do feel that I can hold a conversation well and that I have enough info crammed in my head to convincingly support my opinions. There goes that 4-letter F-word again: feel. Ah, feelings...can make you believe you're sitting pretty on cloud 9, when reality says you're slowly sinking down toward hades. lol. Or, vice versa for my optimists.

Guess I better step my game back up with this interview prep thing before my feelings of security lead me down a deceptive, self-assured path heading straight towards rejections and waitlists. Yikes. Now there's a motivating image. Time to get to it!

(I completely borrowed this post from my other blog. Sue me.)

Go Easy on CBreezy...

I meant to touch upon this a while ago, but alas, life got busy :/ Anywho, I caught the Chris Brown interview on Larry King Live and subsequently followed the responses of hundreds of Americans via Twitter. I am so appalled by America. First of all, who are all of you to judge anyone else?!? I'll be the first to say that I do not in any way condone domestic violence, but CB wasn't condoning what he did. He didn't have to come out and offer anyone (other than Rihanna) an apology, and yet he humbly put himself before the entire country/world and did so.

Rewinding right quick to his Internet apology, a lot of people said it seemed insincere and they just didn't believe it. Let me ask you naysayers a question. How nervous do you imagine you'd feel if you new you were about to make a public apology (about an act your are already ashamed of yourself for) that would be repeatedly watched and scrutinized indefinitely, and that every word and gesture you'd make would be picked apart? Personally, I'd be scared to death. I'd probably be sweating profusely, shaking nervously, and agitatedly fidgeting. Honestly, I'd probably be so nervous I wouldn't even go through with it. Was he reading off a TelePrompter? Yes. Were those his feelings behind the words, no matter how unemotional you might have perceived his voice? Yes. And let's face it, while that young man can sing, he's never been the best, most loquacious public speaker. I'm not particularly sure why people thought that all of a sudden he was going to kick it into eloquent speaker gear and arouse deep-seated emotions in the viewers. Please spare me. He did something most of us wouldn't have the nerve to go through with. I applaud him.

Now, back to the Larry King Live interview. A lot of people cannot seem to get past the fact that Chris can't remember actually hitting Rihanna. From personal experience, I'll say that I 100% believe him. I've been in an impromptu scuff before. I'll give you the short version of the story. We were at a very nice club and lounge and we were meeting up with a group of guys. They had bought a table, thus they had the right to dictate who could sit in the area and who could not. They (the guys and the club) had repeatedly asked this group of hoodrat girls (how they got in, I have no idea) to relocate, but the farthest the girls would go was to the other end of the table. So enter us. We come in, the guys are being extra nice to us, buying bottles of champagne and sliced strawberries (p.s. fellas, that last one is a nice touch!) - the works. We're all in engaging conversations, then my friend and I go to the bathroom. We come back, and the three of us decide to go dance. All I remember happening is my tall friend walking onto the dance floor and then one of the hoodrats yelling "Your friend kicked me!" and lunging onto my other friend. Ut-oh. I remember being pulled left as the girl tackled my friend to the right of me. Next thing I know, we're in the back room. I have no recollection of what transpired, how long this altercation lasted - I was literally blacked out by adrenaline. Shoot, if you had asked me what had happened, I would've said that I wasn't involved...that is until I realized an earring of mine had been snatched out, along with some of my hair, shoes were scratched up beyond repair, I had bruises, oh and I left the other girl on the floor...right. When you snap, you snap. You don't know what happened or exactly how you snapped, but you know that you did.

Chris is very tight-lipped about the events leading up to the event (I suspect out of respect to Rihanna, but I could be wrong). In doing so, we have absolutely no idea what prompted his "snap," and as such, people need to fall back on the judging! We all know he grew up in a home where domestic violence occurred (bless him and his mom for having to publicly relive all those old buried emotions), and we have no idea what effect that had on him subconsciously. None whatsoever. For all we know, she could have called him something or struck him that triggered a series of reactions in his brain that caused him to lose control momentarily. Paired with the fact that he's a strong young man who's been trained in martial arts, his snapping physically on someone is not the same as you or I snapping on someone. Cut the guy some slack.

The only comment I agree with was that the bow tie was not working. As for everything else negative said, fall back hypocritical America - Fall.Back. I know you all would not deal well with every flaw and transgression of yours publicly broadcast.

Tired.

Busy, busy, busy...almost to the point of being stressed out. So, if you remember (or care), say a prayer for me.

Working 1.5 jobs. Looking for a third. Just dropped off my mom's health insurance plan (yet again). Can't afford another one or Cobra. Thinking a third job might be able to cover my health insurance? Applying to med school. Have two interviews coming up. Trying to call people and prepare for those. I also have another blog, that I put more time into (sorry). I try to squeeze in some sleep everyday. Bills are piling up. People aren't paying me on-schedule. Sometimes, you just want to scream...or cry...or maybe a little bit of both, simultaneously. Having a hard time keeping up with friends and family - my apologies. I swear, if I can survive 2009, I can survive anything! Slightly injured...lots of knee pain, but no insurance :/ I take 20+ pills full of vitamins, herbs, and minerals because I'm terrified if I get minorly sick, it'll develop into something big. (i.e. I had a common little bit of stuffiness the other month...turned into a sinus infection...somehow turned into tonsilitis = I kept losing my voice, my tonsils were engorged, difficulty breathing, and lots of pain...required a lot of antibiotics to get rid of...can't afford that now). I'm tired. I run back and forth between Jersey, Philly, and NY and I.am.tired.

But, through it all, I try to remind myself that my God is also known as Jehovah-Jireh (My Provider). Looking for miracles #208-#213 of the year ;)

CCR3, GATA-1, Blah blah blaaaaaAAAAHHH!!

This post is seriously for my own good - I honestly can't find anyone interested in reading what I'm about to write, I know how people spazz out when they start reading scientific jargon...just want to keep a brief record of what I'm learning in these articles.

Latest article was entitled Analysis of the CCR3 promoter reveals a regulatory region in exon 1 that binds GATA-1...told you it's a bit on the drier side of biomed articles. Actually, it's not that it's boring, I just hate reading these articles based heavily on molecular biology and genetics that don't explicitly tie into some pathology. I mean, the article delves into analyzing the regulation and expression of the CCR3 gene among various cell lineages, but doesn't go one step further into hypothesizing implications in a real world context (i.e. the role of CCR3 in HIV-1 infection), leaving me thirsty for a little bit more...

So yeah, the article starts by stating that while many cells in our bodies express CCR3, the main ones that accumulate after administration of eotaxin are namely eosinophils. This is somewhat unexpected, as one would expect that all cells expressing this receptor would bind to the specified ligand. Logically, one would suspect that there is some sort of differential regulation occurring, where eosinophils are expressing CCR3 and for some reason these other cells aren't, right? In short, researchers found that TFs, namely GATA-1, bind to exon 1 in the gene, thus regulating its transcription. Findings were reinforced using transgenic mice.

Fun, fun, fun. I've been working on annotating this one article for the past 2 weeks. Thankfully, the next one looks a bit more interesting. The first set of articles dealt extensively with research in arthritis using mice models of AA to relate to RA in humans. This next set of articles seems to deal with different features of HIV infection - yay! I think HIV infection and progression of the disease is genetically and cellularly fascinating! Yes, I admit I have transformed into a huge nerd.

Detroit Bailout

I have been meaning to talk about this for quite a while. Now that I've finally mastered the art of providing myself "me time," by turning off electronic devices, sitting in my big over-sized chair and meditating, I find that there are plenty of hours in the day to get all accomplished that I need to...including blogging more regularly.

Now, back to this Bailout and my related thoughts. It is said repeatedly in the Bible that "...visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, and on the third and the fourth generations..." I know that US motor companies, particularly Ford, stand as icons in American history as a testament to the ingenuity, entrepreneurship, and foresight that characterizes the American people. The publicized history of these corporations is a testament to "The American Dream" and the greatness one can achieve with a vision and hard work.

Beyond the inherent fallacies underlying the ease of pursuing "The American Dream," is there is much to be said about the untold history of these American motor companies. My maternal family is from the Detroit metro area. Generations of my family have worked for Ford Motor Company at some point in their lives and so I have been told a history of the company that many others don't know about.

My grandparents both moved up to the Detroit area from the South during the whole industrial revolution we read about in US History II back in high school. My grandfather worked hard at multiple jobs to provide for his wife and children, as well as to help his many brothers and sisters at home back in North Carolina. One of the jobs he worked was on the Ford assembly line - working hard, long hours doing the same job as his white co-workers, but being paid less than 25% of the pay they received. At the time of my mom's birth, the suburb my grandparents lived in was a shanty town of cardboard homes, setup by Ford - that's right, by Ford! Granted, the town has developed since then, and hopefully employees are being paid equally, regardless of race, but Ford literally built their empire on racist practices. They saved a ton of money by hiring numerous poor Blacks who were willing to take any job they could find in order to support their families (think US sweatshops full of Blacks).

Is it any surprise that a company built on a history of such racism is finally starting to feel the consequences of their actions? Do I think the current Ford owners, CEOs, top brass are racist or prejudice? I have no idea. I really wouldn't be surprised, but in all fairness, I have no data to make a claim either way. I'm sure many don't see what has happened in Motor City quite the way I view it, but this is my page to rant. I don't believe God honors a company based initially on such horrid practices, much the way I foresee a downfall of America in the near future. [aside: interestingly, when I discuss this notion of the sins of the fathers visiting the sons, people scoff, but when I use the term karma, everyone seems to agree...hmmm....]

Despite all this, I still have mixed feelings on The Bailout. I feel bad for the hundreds that have been laid off or who live in fear that they might lose their jobs at any moment. The ramifications of this economic crisis still astounds and saddens me. I know I should never take pleasure in another's misfortune, but I can't help but grin just a little bit and the shame brought up the heads of US Motor companies in the recent past. It's about time their shady selfish practices have been brought to light.

New Job!

As if it has not been said before, GOD IS GOOD! After months of searching for a full-time job, I have finally been hired. In addition to finally having an income, I have been blessed with a job related to the biomedical field and which enables me to telecommute (thus, saving on rent and/or substantial gas money). Through the Institute for Research in Cognitive Science at the University of Pennsylvania, I work doing biomedical text annotations for a much larger project being conducted at the University of Wisconsin.

My primary functions consist of reading through biomedical research articles from various sources and dissecting them word by word, clause by clause. The main focus of my position is syntax. In doing so, I note explicit relationships and infer implicit relationships between words and clauses, thoughts and concepts. As an annotator, I have mastery of graduate level English and grammatical structure, as well as an understanding of biomedical terminology, concepts in immunology, cell biology, and other advanced biological studies.

The purpose of the work we are doing is to further progress stores of knowledge that will make artificial intelligence, now called natural language processing (NLP), a reality. We are in the process of creating a database of information about the syntax of words, in the hopes that in the future, it will be possible to have a conversation with a computer operated machine. As of now, automated services exist by a series of prompts. We hope that our efforts will push computer interaction towards conversation mimicking real conversations; based on the words strung together in your sentences, the computer can use our syntax database to construct a probabilistic model to determine what you are saying and how best to respond.
Sounds fun, right? Today was Day One, and I absolutely loved it! It is such a random, nerdy job and I love it! Apparently, it takes 3, 8-hour days of work to fully analyze an article. I think I am going to use this blog to help me keep track of what I am learning in each article, and to help me better prepare for future interview questions pertaining to my work.

What are we studying today? Article title: Resistance to IL-10 inhibition of interferon gamma production and expression of suppressor of cytokine signaling 1 in CD4+ T cells from patients with rheumatoid arthritis. So far, I know that CD4+ cells play an integral role in the development of RA in humans. I will update as we get further through the article.

I could not have dreamt of a better, more perfectly suited one-year job for me. I am just praying that the health insurance dilemma gets worked out. Once again, God is Good.

My Prayer Box

I was talking to one of my closest sisters a while ago and talking my problems out with her, and she told me about her prayer box. I had never heard of a prayer box before, so I inquired more about what it was and it's purpose. Basically, the point of the prayer box is to help us humans let go off things we are struggling with and to truly turn them over to God. Wrapped around the outside of the box is written:

.:Good morning! This is God. Today, I will be handing all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the "something for Jesus to do Box" it will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removal will delay the resolution. Rest My child. If you need Me, I am only a prayer away! Have a great day! Love God:.

I just made my box the other day, and I absolutely love it! Before I say my nightly prayers, I write on little slips of paper my individual prayer requests, ranging from God picking the right med school for me to Him sending a godly man into my life. Then, when I get to the request portion of my prayers, I take each one individually, read it aloud, and place it in the box. It really is liberating.

While this is how prayer is supposed to be anyways, I find that having a visual helps reinforce this concept. Throughout the day, when I find myself worrying about a situation or growing impatient and trying to take things into my own hands, I literally envision my lavender prayer box and my hand placing my request in it (i.e. into God's hand). Instantly, all nervousness and anxiety is released and the peace of Christ falls upon me.

Atop my prayer box I opted to write a verse that I feel perfectly describes this process:

.:Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus:. Phillipians 4:6-7

And on the bottom, just for fun, I drew a crown. You know how much I love arts & crafts! Sidenote: I got so much joy being in Michael's again...I love arts & crafts stores. The woodsy smells, the hundreds of neatly organized supplies, all color-coordinated...any slightly OCD person's dream :)
My friend told me how everything she had put in the prayer box had been answered. What a testimony of God's faithfulness! I cannot wait until I have my own box of testimonies! It's already starting...

My Fav New Healthy Snacks

1) Figs!
(namely Turkish Figs from Whole Foods)
We all remember those delish little Fig Newton treats as children. Mmmmm. Well, take out all the white carbs wrapped around the sugar (after all, FigNewtons were packed with fig jam, not just figs) and return to nature! Two of these are just as tasty as any ol' bad-for-you FigNewton. They are scrumptious and a great snack on-the-go. They are dessert just as God designed :)


2) Coconut Water!
Now, those of you who know me, know that usually at the sight of a coconut, my sympathetic nervous system kicks in, full throttle - my jaw clenches up, I start profusely salivating...in sum, my body undergoes an intense rush of stress as it know what will happen if coconut enters my blood stream. Blah, to allergic reactions. However, for some reason, coconut water is a completely different story. The perfect tasty, fat-free, very low-calorie liquid treat for summer. Added bonus: it's choc-full of vitamins and minerals (though, I'm sure as packaged in the US, these are probably added in).

Figs + Coconut Water + the Shore = quite the lovely vacay!

Tackling The Good Book

After 24 years on Earth, 10 of which were spent in a Christian school, I have yet to read through the Bible. Recently, this has been something that's been tugging at my heart. I think it would be a shame for me to leave this Earth having read through hundreds of books, but not having taken the time to tackle the most important one. I have probably read through a good 75% of the Bible, but certain books (i.e. Deuteronomy) are just a beast to get through - no disrespect. So, this is it. Time for me to buckle down, chose one of my 10 Bibles (yes, I said 10. smh), and get to work.

Oddly enough, the final shove down this road came from a the most unlikely source. Personally, I believe that you can be mentally, physically, and emotionally in-tune, but unless you are spiritually on-point, your life will suffer and things will never perfectly be in sync - it's like the glue that holds the other three realms together. I had been praying for a good friend of mine, that he'd find that balance and realize the importance of having a spiritual side and a relationship with God. I love this young man to death, and like all of my friends, I have kept him in prayer as his self-admittedly atheistic (though I'd call it more agnostic than atheistic) lifestyle was making that spiritual development seem impossible. So, you can imagine my shock when he randomly brought up how he and a friend were planning on reading through the Bible together. I almost shed a tear! Nothing is impossible with God and He certainly does answer prayer. Then, about 2 milliseconds later, came the conviction, lol. In my head I was like, here is this man newly interested in God and desiring to read through the Bible, and I've been neglecting doing so for years upon years. Shame on me.

So, I'm putting it all on the line. 2009 has sucked. Perhaps if I had taken my own advice and relied solely on God during those tough times, things would have been easier or at least better dealt with. No more with my old ways, time to drive into His word and see where He leads me.

If you speak to me, I implore you to ask me when's the last time I read my Bible. If the answer is more than 48 hours, you have my permission to slap me - promised!

Today is Day 1. I'm not sure where to start. Having tried the "start at Genesis and read straight through Revelations" numerous times and failed, I'm considering a different approach. I'm also not a fan of reading part of the OT and part of the NT each day - I'd rather stay within one book each day. There's a great website with 5 different plans on reading through the Bible in a year. I'm considering either the New then Old Testament plan or the Chronological plan..more so towards the latter. Say a prayer for me everyone...this should be good! I'm psyched!!

PETA needs to take a chill pill!

Q:You know why I disdain PETA?

A: It's all in their name - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

First and foremost, I believe that mankind was given dominion over animals, and therefore I consider human needs more important than the animals feelings...after all, animals don't have souls. If I need to stay warm, I say make me a fur coat! If I'm hungry, I say go fishing or hunting until you're full and stocked up! I do think that we shouldn't be reckless with the way we treat and/or kill animals, but even still I usually think that's more of a poor reflection on man than a wrong done to animals. For example, torturing animals is a big NO NO - not because it's inhumane to the animal, but because it probably reflects that there is something mentally wrong with the individual and they're about to start enacting their little hobby on their fellow man. Animals are put here for our benefit, for our needs. If we screw that up, the onus is, well, on us. End of story.

Now, back to these annoying PETA people (the same people whose ads are 98% sex to sell their campaign...and people talk about that foursome CK add...just Google Image PETA and you'll see). So, President Obama was giving an interview and there was an annoying big ol' fly swarming around (you know the type that everyone swats at and runs from in disgust). Our fearless Commander-in-Chief successfully slapped and killed that fly without even flinching. Personally, I was rather impressed. Take a look for yourself:



Bwahaha, I LOVE IT!!! And the interviewer saying "Niiiice!" = PRICELESS! I love how our President swatted it as if to say Who's your daddy now?!? and then stared it down as if to say What now? lol. Shooot, if anything, I'm even more fond of our beloved President the way he took down that fly...Mr. Miyagi would be very, very impressed. To be fair, President Obama did give the fly a warning. If only the fly had listened... (too bad they probably can't hear)

Then comes whining in those annoying PETA people. Quit your bellyaching. Are insects even really considered animals? I'd say only marginally. These fools are sending our President a device that humanely traps flies so they can be released outside safely (only to return hours later and keep bugging us...real smart). [insert heavy eye roll] They go on to say that his swatting a fly proves he's not perfect. Well first off, he's not perfect, he's human...duh. Secondly, he perfectly slapped the -ish out of that fly!

Hmmm, I wonder if he can duck a pair of shoes faster than Bush...probably! lol, this whole situation has humored me all day long. Lil' fly, your death was not in vain!

Shoot 'Em Ups

While not my favorite movie genre (that would be comedies of course!), while watching the NBA Finals I see the trailer for a movie that has made me soooo excited and giddy. Based off of my favorite era in American History comes what is bound to be a box office smash hit: Public Enemies.

Reasons this movie will be Amazing:
#1: Directed by Michael Mann - director of Last of the Mohicans, Ali. Collateral, Heat, The Aviator, and The Kingdom...just to name a few...actually, I think he's written, produced, and directed most of his movies, has at least 6 Emmys and Academy Awards = 'Nough said!

#2 Starring 3 of my favorite Hollywood men: Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and Channing Tatum.
So, Christian Bale plays the famous, handsome FBI agent (Purvis) that is established by good ol' J Edgar Hoover to run up (i.e. kill) all the Public Enemies (mainly midwestern bank robbers, bandits, moonshiners...remember, between Prohibition and The Depression people were resorting to crime to answer problems). Depp plays the sauve, cunning bank robber Dillinger who robbed numerous banks with (at the time) "clever" tactics, and even broke out of jail a few times. Both Depp and Bale are phenomenal actors - Depp clearly beats Bale at this point, based on his extensive and diverse repertoire, however, Bale is on the rise! I suspect that this pairing with produce phenomenal results. And while the young actor Channing may not headline the movie, nor be in the same skills class as Depp or Bale, he is too fine not to mention! He plays another cohort of Dillinger, named Pretty Boy Floyd, also rounded up by Hoover via Purvis. Eh, whatever the case, this piece of eye candy nicely rounds out the trio. (Some girl is listed as the third headliner - I don't know her, nor does she make my list of reason I want to see this movie. If you care, here she is: Marion Cotillard, sorry!)

#3: Who doesn't love a good action movie with some sexy leading men?!? While this might have been implicitly stated previously, it's important enough to mention twice! (I mean, who else saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine, thought the plot was ehhh, but then saw Hugh Jackman's fine self and was just a-ok?!? haha). Testosterone pumping full-throttle...as a woman, you gotta luv it!


#4: It's from my favorite American History Era. Why is this? Personally, I think the rest of American History is rather bland. Really, tell me something interesting that happened in the US outside we came, rebelled from England, enslaved people, freed them, and began opening our borders and allowing people to flock in as we became #1 (some would argue that I could tack on that now we're falling). Even the more "interesting" parts (i.e. The Civil Rights Movement) were rather bland and two-dimensional compared to this brief period that really made America come alive. Anywho, outside of Prohibition and the Depression, the whole bank robbing, moonshine, mobster business has a lot of personality. If I was born a poor, white man at that time, Whew Boy! Actually, there were quite a few tough broads in the bunch too, guess I could've been one of them. I would have had a field day in the Midwest!!! Secretly, I've always thought that if I didn't make it great at something legit, I'd probably be an amazing criminal...a mastermind, if you will...explains a lot, right? Good thing I'm completely on the right track ;) But back to this era, aka the Public Enemy Era of the FBI (1931-1935ish), Hoover declared an all-out nation-wide war on crime, individually naming people on his "list" of public enemies. The List included: John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, Prety Boy Floyd, Bonnie and Clyde, and Al Capone and crew. Aside: most were killed in '34...good job, FBI/Purvis (though quietly, I always root for the criminals, but shhhh!). If you want the good guy's approach to this period, you would probably love it because it helped push the FBI to grow and develop into what it is today.

And, I'm admittantly not even a history buff (easily, my least favorite subject growing up), I just really love this era when the US wasn't all goodie-two-shoed and was down getting nitty gritty!


OMG, I am stoked!!!

Random/interesting asides:
- J Edgar got jealous over the attention Purvis got during this time and somehow got him pushed out of the Bureau.
- This lil' time period (specifically, Dillinger's Death) is where the term "Lady in Red" comes from. To summarize: foreign broad working in a whorehouse was going to be deported. FBI promised to help her stay in America if she helped capture Dillinger. They agreed she'd wear an orange dress (which looked red in the lighting) so the FBI could spot her and get Dillinger. The FBI got him, and she still got deported...serves her right, no one likes a traitor! Anyways, beware of ladies in red...
- People aren't even sure if Dillinger is dead...lol. Of course he's dead by now, but there's a great deal of controversy surrounding whether or not it was Dillinger or a poor guy who's name matched Dillinger's alias. Let's see...Dillinger had grey eyes, the corps had blue... Dillinger was healthy and played sports growing up (baseball), while the autopsy showed the corpse had some major heart problem that would have prevent such strenuous activity... I'm going with another government screw-up!

Helloooooo!!!

Um, yeah...so I've been slacking BIG time with this blog, but hey, I was busy (and the hard work paid off)...

But now, I'm back!

Pirates...

This whole Pirate thing off the coast of Africa has really been irritating me. I just cannot seem to shake the notion that it is, at least to me, unfathomable for there to be pirates in 2009. I mean...we have satellite imaging, are capable of launching missiles from hundreds of miles away directly to your location, and oh yeah, we have amazing sniper riffles! You can run, but rest assured we WILL find you and blow you up!!! It's 2009 punks...not the 17th century where you could kidnap people, hold them for ransom, release them and run away. YOU CANNOT RUN! This is NOT Pirates of the Caribbean! I just really don't understand people's logic. I guess people think they are smarter or slicker than world governments...FALSE.

I am so glad this stand-off is over. And lol at all of the mentally slow reporters at that news conference I watched on CNN today. I don't know why it was so hard for some of them to realize that the three pirates lives were ended by sniper rifles. And no, the pirates probably weren't in a situation where there was an imminent threat to the hostage's life. Most likely orders were, if you see a pirate, gun him down! I don't understand why this was such a hard concept for reporters to grasp, evidenced by the fact that they kept asking how and why the pirates were shot down...on repeat.

Perhaps, and I'm just venturing a guess here, just maybe my experience as a Black female/person in the US has desensitized me to occurrences of civilian executions by police. Furthermore, the ones I am accustomed to hearing are those where the slain men are carrying a wallet/inhaler/[insert any non-weapon], not freakin' pirates of Africa who are as guilty as sin! I cannot for the life of me figure out how these reporters seem so confused as to how three pirates wound up dead, but look unfazed when minorities around the country are shot down dead for no real reason...

Random aside: I would much rather be a ninja than a pirate!

Black n' Blue Wedding Bells

What's this I hear? RiRi and her abusive beau are scheduled to get hitched in the Bahamas (or where ever she is from)?!?

Perhaps this is old news (I have been busying and consequently, neglecting my daily dose of Bossip), but this came as a complete shock to me. Just a few days ago, a local radio station broadcast that they were giving away two tickets to the wedding for a lucky caller. Granted, it was April Fool's Day, so I wasn't taking anything seriously, and then I decided to look up this nonsense online...turns out its true, or if not true, at least it's a very popular rumor circulating around Hollywood.

What in the world is going through RiRi's mind?!? This young boy, a year her junior, just publicly molly-whopped you and now you're going to vow to spend the rest of your life with his mentally unstable self? I'm not saying that they should necessarily break up over this (note, if a man EVER lay hands on me, they'd probably wind up being run over with their own car), however at least get counseling and therapy and give it time before you pick up your relationship from where you left off...not take a giant leap forward.

Domestic violence is real, and I fear that the way this pair of celebs are choosing to "deal with" this problem is setting a very bad example for young people of both sexes. To young girls and boys it shows that this kind of behavior is acceptable and goes without repercussion...or at least so far. Maybe something will happen between now and this alleged wedding...

Until then, I'm praying for some type of intervention, because if he hits you once, he probably will hit you again. Aaaand, it's not like he just hit her. Her hit her multiple times and bit her. Who does that?!? What happens next time he's acting a fool and then flips out on her?

Sleep.

The worst relationship of my life deals not with another human being, but with Sleep. [Note: I am writing this post at 4:24am...after having class from 4:30-7:30 and shift from 8-midnight] I'm telling you, Sleep and I, we have a love-hate relationship. But, before I get into my little discussion about my battles with Sleep, let me tell you a little something about myself that may help clarify some of the issues I am having...

I have a life obsession with maximizing time. I swear, my ears can hear my life clock ticking down, and consequently, I often find myself trying to efficiently handle anything I'm facing. Whether that be driving from point A to point B or getting a stupid little school project done, I like to do things right, but as fast as possible. Furthering this point, I feel that sleep is the ultimate waste of time. We're all familiar with the sayings, "Sleep is the cousin of Death" and "I can sleep when I'm dead," and while it may be true that people who get inadequate amounts of sleep have increased likelihoods of developing more health problems and typically die younger, it is something I mentally cannot get over (fyi - people that oversleep run the same risk). I know that while I'm sleeping, someone out there is not, and thus, they have an edge over me - they have 24 hours to get accomplished what I have only 16 hours to do. Even if 40% of what they do is b.s., in theory they are living a fuller life by being active when I am asleep. Thus, I rarely get even 5 hours of sleep a night. Why sleep when I can be doing something productive, right? Now, back to my personal battle...

I will go for months living off of 2 hours of sleep a night/every-other-night and be just fine. Actually, often times I try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, and find myself laying in bed staring at the ceiling, mad at myself for having wasted two hours lying on my back accomplishing nothing! And yet, as hard and as often as I avoid
sleep, I often lapse into periods where I basically sleep for 7 days straight - and boy is that sleep gooooood! So yes, I admit that I love the sensation and pleasure of curling up in my warm, fluffy bed and drifting off into slumber land, and yet, I so actively avoid it.

Though, to be perfectly honest I really am not that productive during the wee hours of the morning. During my undergraduate days, it was a different story - I would seriously focus on all the work I neglected during the daytime hours. Thanks to those four years, I have been trained to stay up all night, except now I do my work during the day, leaving me to catch up on t.v. shows and movies online, as well as get up-to-date with my favorite blogs by night. (insert random epiphany: Perhaps this explains my caffeine addictions...AH-HA!)

You know what my battle with sleep reminds me of? South of the Border (and I'm NOT talking about the restaurant). For anyone's who ever driven down to Myrtle Beach, SC, you are all familiar with the infamous South of the Border. This dinky, sketchy little place resembles some bad, stereotypical depiction of a sort of Little Mexico (I mean, their self-proclaimed mascot is Pedro...'nough said). Anyways, this is a very boring drive, so one looks for any type of entertainment along the way. And what did this sketchy place have the nerve to do? Tease bored drivers with alluring signs for 175 miles, posting a new sign promising great enjoyment every 1-2 miles. The end result? A: Hours driving along bored, anticipating getting to this great wonderland, and just when you think you will never get there or that this fabled place doesn't exist, you encounter vast disappointment and resentment when you finally do arrive. Unless we're talking about the 7 days straight of sleeping episodes I encounter, the sleep I do manage to get on a typical night is unsatisfying (to say the least). Usually, I sit and wait for Sleep to come, and when it finally does come it feels that no sooner had I closed my eyes, than something outside of me awakens me. I do not awake refreshed and energized, but rather groggy and irritated that I even wasted any time attempting to grab hold of Sleep. And how does that leave me feeling? Pissed at Sleep - that's how. Sleep taunts and tempts me for weeks, if not months, and then when I finally grab hold of it Sleep becomes my master for 7 days straight. Sleep, I HATE YOU!!! But, I love you too :(

What's a girl to do? I was supposed to go to a sleep center last year so they could monitor my brain activity while I sleep...perhaps it's time for me to take my doctor up on that order - especially while I have health insurance...

A Losing Battle?

One step forward, two steps back.

We are all too familiar with the saying. As I retrace my footsteps, observing this all-too-familiar pattern, it is easy to see how one can get down on oneself. How many times have I established a goal for myself, only to find myself losing steam halfway through and falling back into old habits? To see the fruits of my hard labor and then, for no apparent reason (or maybe because I have grown too comfortable in my success), regressing into old ways that have proven time and again unfruitful, if not downright detrimental to achieving my goals...disturbing.

What is the difference between a simple obstacle who's purpose is to make us stronger and a pure failure? To me, the line separating the two is not necessarily easily defined. We overcome obstacles and become (hopefully) better persons for having used our own resources to surmount the roadblock - that is the simple one. Now for the complicated one - when does an obstacle that derails us turn into a failure? And when does repeated failures or setbacks become a losing battle? Is it when we no longer learn from our setbacks that they then transform into failures? Or is it when we no longer can summon the energy, courage, or willpower to lift ourselves back up? Perhaps these temporary derailments are meant to knock us out of the snarls of complacency - to rekindle the fire beneath us. Or maybe they are there to remind us that we need to continuously rely on a higher power (i.e. God), who so often gets ignored and demoted to the back burner once people start getting what they want out of life...

While I believe that the glory in the beautiful struggle that is life is to simply rise one more time than you are knocked down, learning something new about yourself each time and with each successful retry making us a stronger and better person for it, what happens when you reach the place where you no longer see the point in getting up anymore? I believe the term we learned in psychology is learned helplessness. [Not that I am there yet, but I am one who likes to analyze all possible scenarios.] For those of you unfamiliar with the historical experiment of Seligman, allow me to give you a brief summary. Basically what he did was split dogs into three groups: Group 1 was the control that was simply harnessed, Group 2 dogs and Group 3 dogs were harnessed to one another and received electrical shocks. Group 2 dogs had access to a lever that could stop the shock, while Group 3 dogs could not access the levers and had to simply wait for the shocks to end. The dogs were unharnessed and placed in a box from which they could escape. When shocks were administered to the dogs, Groups 1 and 2 jumped out of the box while most of Group 3 simply sat there. That, in sum, is learned helplessness - even though Group 3 could escape, they had learned from their previous experience that it was futile to fight their way out. (yes, this is a sad experiment)

The battle I often find myself facing is between learning when to push myself to get back up and when to learn to lay down. Now, let me pause for a second and say that I am a fighter. It goes against every fiber in my being to just sit back and take anything. HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however, certain battles really just are not worth fighting. I am not sure that I would necessarily classify these as learned helplessness...afterall, how many times did Jesus "sit back and take it" (i.e. turn the other cheek) when He certainly had the ability do whatever He so chose. I suppose the battle can be redefined as learning when to conjure enough strength to fight and when to summon enough willpower to restrain oneself... Hmmmm, now there is an interesting thought.

Still, there remains a difference between staying down out of willpower and staying down out of weakness. Learning and fully embracing the dichotomy inherent in the word strength is probably very key to living a fulfilled life. (At least in Western culture, does it not seem that strength is presented ubiquitously with exerting some force over another? Although here, I suppose you can modify that to exerting force over oneself - to go against human nature) Determining which situation necessitates which use of strength is the challenge we all face. For it would be easy for one to fall into the habit of blaming one's own lack of action and resolve to having the willpower to not fight back (even though they should have)...but then that is what happens when people start assuming the role of the victim, now isn't it?

And how does all this relate to me? To be rather honest, I suppose my one step forward, X-amount of steps back probably falls under the category of simply lacking the desire to do the right thing and get back up immediately. In my situation, I would emphasize immediately as I find the sooner that I address my shortcomings the easier it is for me to move back on the right track. I liken it to being knocked off of a horse into a very deep pit of mud. The sooner I regain my senses from the fall, swim to the edge, pull myself up, and chase after my horse, the sooner I can get back on and riding again. Now, if I get thrown off, take my time to evaluate what events just transpired, sit and decide whether it is worth pulling myself out, the further from the edge of the pit I drift and the deeper into the mud I sink. Once there, it takes a lot more time and energy to resurface, swim to the edge, pull myself out, and then run after a horse that I have no idea of it's location. (Perhaps this is a stretch of an analogy, but it works for me!)

So I end with this: Study your footprints well and honestly, remembering that no two sets are alike, and know that you are the key determinant in having your battle be a W or an L.

By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. Confucius

Is it 2010 yet?!?

Soooo...we're only 26 days into 2009, and I'm already wishing it was 2010. I am telling you, if the way you begin the year dictates the path for the rest of your year, I am not going to make it. In 26 days I have had the stomach flu, a cavity filled, a tooth cracked, a wisdom tooth pulled, met a boy (yes, a boy, not a man...haha) with enough mental and emotional problems to keep CAPS booked for the rest of the decade, and easily enough drama to fill the next 6 months. To top things off, none of these were prompted by me (except maybe the tooth...poor judgment there, I'll admit).

What do I do? Do I cut out the people making my life hell? Hmmm...I've already done that in some cases, but in others, these people are really good friends with decent to good intentions, but they just seem to manage to screw things up for me. The old me would have been quick to cut a person off, but I do love these people and I don't feel my life would quite be the same without them. However, if people repeatedly screw me over, whether unintentionally or in the process of fulfilling their needs, am I supposed to just sit there and grin and bear it? Everything inside me screams NO!

Any thoughts?

Philly Thangs...

As I'm settling more in Philly life, there are some things I notice that are just so stereotypically Philly. Granted, some of these are endogenous to the Northeast, but most are overly and abundantly loved in this city. So, without further adieu, here's my list of the top 10 things the city of Philly seems to love:

10) Cheese Whiz - This fake cheese that comes out of a can that they put on anything. Repulsive! I've been fooled a few times around this city...just watch out if you order something with cheese...it might come back with a plastic bright yellow coating that came fresh out a can...
9) The Freeway Beard - how one city unanimously decided to adopt such a horrible grooming trend is beyond me...
8) WaWa - brings me back to my childhood (ps - if you're in an area where there's a Wawa, please go ahead add order your the Turkey Wobbler, grad a pillow, grub, and pass out! Yes, it is that good!) And their coffee is absolutely amazing...and CHEAP!
7) Arizona Iced Tea (specifically Green Tea) - The South has their heart attack in a glass known as Sweet Tea, and the North...well we have the diverse brand of Arizona Iced Tea. I had completely forgotten about my love for AIT until my first trip to Wawa...now, I drink at least a bottle a day. I swear, they must sprinkle a little crack in it because everyone I know that likes it drink it everyday!!!
6) Sandwiches - Unique sandwiches are prided up here. I mean, this is the home of the Cheesesteak...
5) Bicycles - it's almost as bad as in Europe...actually, it may be worse because drivers can't drive and bikers are bold and can't ride. Witnessed an accident just the other week on Spruce St...blood everywhere!!
4) Being Muslim - Nothing against the religion of Islam, I just really think its more of a fashion trend here be Muslim...I dunno...it is the thing to do here. Oh, and they can be rude and mean as anything...I mean, where's the love? I mean, I've read some of the Koran...I do believe The Prophet would be highly disappointed in these "followers"...
3) Their Sports Teams - Now this is a love-hate relationship, to say the least. Even the players know, Philadelphians only love them so long as they're winning...lol. According to the latest news segment, out of Philly's 4 sports teams, its been 25 years since any of them have won a title! Lol...no wonder they're fickle...you can only get people's hopes up for so long before they say "screw you!" But, I feel like this sports season might just be Philadelphia's year. The Phillies already won the World Series (and they turned this city out...I mean homeless people and cops were hugging...it was a beautiful thing!), and the Eagles are in line for a shot at the Superbowl...I'm keeping my hopes up!!! :)
2) Doing the Wu-Tang! Whatchyall know about that? Probably nothing... You can't Wu-tang better than me!
1) VIOLENCE!!! lol. These people seem to just love random crime. I remember when I moved here this summer. I believe the official tally was about 1.4 murders a day. Then, I recall the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania employee attacking a man on the subway with a hammer he whipped out of his bookbag (after he sat his 5-yr old boy down, of course). Just recently, a man was shot at a popular movie theater (actually, where I'll be attending church in a few hours...) for talking to his son during The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I think a friend of a friend stated it best: "i love the thought process: 'i want it to be quiet so i can watch the movie. what should i do? i know, i will fire a really loud weapon in a closed space and then listen to the guy i shot scream bloody murder. the logic is flawless!'" Rest assured, the man didn't die, but still...absolutely positively ridiculous. I tell you...I never know what to expect in The City of Brotherly Love!