Sleep.

The worst relationship of my life deals not with another human being, but with Sleep. [Note: I am writing this post at 4:24am...after having class from 4:30-7:30 and shift from 8-midnight] I'm telling you, Sleep and I, we have a love-hate relationship. But, before I get into my little discussion about my battles with Sleep, let me tell you a little something about myself that may help clarify some of the issues I am having...

I have a life obsession with maximizing time. I swear, my ears can hear my life clock ticking down, and consequently, I often find myself trying to efficiently handle anything I'm facing. Whether that be driving from point A to point B or getting a stupid little school project done, I like to do things right, but as fast as possible. Furthering this point, I feel that sleep is the ultimate waste of time. We're all familiar with the sayings, "Sleep is the cousin of Death" and "I can sleep when I'm dead," and while it may be true that people who get inadequate amounts of sleep have increased likelihoods of developing more health problems and typically die younger, it is something I mentally cannot get over (fyi - people that oversleep run the same risk). I know that while I'm sleeping, someone out there is not, and thus, they have an edge over me - they have 24 hours to get accomplished what I have only 16 hours to do. Even if 40% of what they do is b.s., in theory they are living a fuller life by being active when I am asleep. Thus, I rarely get even 5 hours of sleep a night. Why sleep when I can be doing something productive, right? Now, back to my personal battle...

I will go for months living off of 2 hours of sleep a night/every-other-night and be just fine. Actually, often times I try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, and find myself laying in bed staring at the ceiling, mad at myself for having wasted two hours lying on my back accomplishing nothing! And yet, as hard and as often as I avoid
sleep, I often lapse into periods where I basically sleep for 7 days straight - and boy is that sleep gooooood! So yes, I admit that I love the sensation and pleasure of curling up in my warm, fluffy bed and drifting off into slumber land, and yet, I so actively avoid it.

Though, to be perfectly honest I really am not that productive during the wee hours of the morning. During my undergraduate days, it was a different story - I would seriously focus on all the work I neglected during the daytime hours. Thanks to those four years, I have been trained to stay up all night, except now I do my work during the day, leaving me to catch up on t.v. shows and movies online, as well as get up-to-date with my favorite blogs by night. (insert random epiphany: Perhaps this explains my caffeine addictions...AH-HA!)

You know what my battle with sleep reminds me of? South of the Border (and I'm NOT talking about the restaurant). For anyone's who ever driven down to Myrtle Beach, SC, you are all familiar with the infamous South of the Border. This dinky, sketchy little place resembles some bad, stereotypical depiction of a sort of Little Mexico (I mean, their self-proclaimed mascot is Pedro...'nough said). Anyways, this is a very boring drive, so one looks for any type of entertainment along the way. And what did this sketchy place have the nerve to do? Tease bored drivers with alluring signs for 175 miles, posting a new sign promising great enjoyment every 1-2 miles. The end result? A: Hours driving along bored, anticipating getting to this great wonderland, and just when you think you will never get there or that this fabled place doesn't exist, you encounter vast disappointment and resentment when you finally do arrive. Unless we're talking about the 7 days straight of sleeping episodes I encounter, the sleep I do manage to get on a typical night is unsatisfying (to say the least). Usually, I sit and wait for Sleep to come, and when it finally does come it feels that no sooner had I closed my eyes, than something outside of me awakens me. I do not awake refreshed and energized, but rather groggy and irritated that I even wasted any time attempting to grab hold of Sleep. And how does that leave me feeling? Pissed at Sleep - that's how. Sleep taunts and tempts me for weeks, if not months, and then when I finally grab hold of it Sleep becomes my master for 7 days straight. Sleep, I HATE YOU!!! But, I love you too :(

What's a girl to do? I was supposed to go to a sleep center last year so they could monitor my brain activity while I sleep...perhaps it's time for me to take my doctor up on that order - especially while I have health insurance...