When the Bough Breaks: A Reflection

Background:
I just finished attending an extra credit lecture for my Foundations in Medicine course in which we had a discussion based on the viewing of Unnatural Causes...is Inequality Making us Sick? - Episode 2:When the Boughs Break. The documentary explores the phenomenon of African American women at every socioeconomic level having higher rates of pre-term birth and infant mortality than white women who haven't even finished high school or Black immigrants. The basic findings were that it's not genetic and not socioeconomic (in fact, being a higher educated Black woman increased your risk instead of lowering it). The general idea discussed is that birth outcomes are affected by the negative impact of racism over a lifespan and that racism in America is an added source of stress for people of color, leading to poorer health outcomes. That's the basic synopsis. I'd highly recommend watching the documentary if you can get your hands on it. It was an eye-opener for many of my classmates.

Reflection:
I learned about the study discussed during the video this summer in one of my public health courses (Social & Behavior Aspects of Global Health). At the time, the study was briefly touched upon, highlighting the possibility that operating under a lifelong level of elevated stress hormones is detrimental to overall health. However, the course did not nearly go into as much detail as this film. I was literally holding back tears at certain points during the film, telling myself, “this can’t be life.” Nothing stated here struck me as new – I’ve always been one of few (if not the only) Blacks in a given environment (exception being college). As such, I have been aware of my race every day of my life since I can remember, and have had many struggles and obstacles because of it. However, something about this film really struck a nerve in me.

Perhaps it is that I am older and have more life experience and feel that I have fought to carve out a good future for myself. Now I finally feel that I have full ownership of my life. It is frustrating to think that no matter what I do to shift things in my favor, certain things that I think I should have a significant handle on are out of my control. Furthermore, according to this film, by working to put myself in a high socioeconomic level will actually have adverse affects on my life. Coupled together, frustration, anger, and sadness abound within me.

I fully believe the Life Course Perspective, that the accumulation of this chronic life stressor of race is a determinant of health. Unless we were able to do away with racism and prejudices, I don’t really see that stressor going away. Therefore, I suppose it would be in my best interest to implement some coping mechanisms to deal with it, rather than to just sit back and accept it. Easier said than done. How do I take time and energy to calm myself down or cheer myself up sometimes multiple times a day when time is becoming an increasingly more precious commodity? As one of three Black students in my class, I am all too aware of my race every day. I play well with my peers and like most of them. But even the ones I am closest with from time to time slip up and say something offensive about other Black people, or interact with me based on assumptions about the few other Black people they’ve had close interactions with over their life spans, or just interact with me differently than they do others. I won’t even talk about the bad classmates… To be honest, being here has been a lonely experience – and one I don’t see improving over the course of my career. How does one stop ignorant comments and prejudiced actions of others? I have no problem fighting off verbal attacks, but how am I supposed to fight back against the subconscious physiological effects of these offenses?

As I sit and reflect on all the issues brought up in this film, and other underlying concerns triggered by this viewing, I am left with a series of unanswerable questions. So, what am I to do? Right now, I feel it best to stay on my course to become a physician who will work to help study and, hopefully eliminate, some ethnic health disparities. But, once again, I am left with a question that can’t be answered: what good will my future research be if it all boils down to the influence of a lifelong battle with racism yielding subconscious physiological consequences?

[aside: I am very happy I am pursuing the MPH degree - the MD is incomplete to developing a forward-thinking physician capable of making lasting societal change. These questions might not yet be answerable, but at least they're being asked, right?]

Worst Case Scenario

Not to harp on the Oil Spill, but I am living down in New Orleans as a public health student. I must say, it's a real honor and a privilege to be able to be studying in such a place as this in such a unique time in history, let alone to add to the mix that I'm a public health and medical student. It really is a hands-on, learning experience where everything we're learning in-class has real life applications just minutes away (and a few months into the future).

I completely stole this from a classmate's fb page I was stalking - lol. Sorry! But, I give credit where credit's due. Here's the link to the blog I "borrowed" it from.


o_O I'm a little terrified, not going to lie. Where is the solution? See, this is what we get for investing ridiculous sums of money into things like space exploration when there a trillions of things within our own planet we know limited information about. Ok, that might be a stretch, but still, I maintain that it's a valid point. Think about the ocean. Think of how vast it really is and how deep the deepest abyss really goes. Now think of how little we actually know about 70% of our terrestrial globe...yes, 70%! I don't know about you, but I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that perhaps if we knew more about what lies beneath the surface we could have developed better methods to tap its resources. That, and as I slowly "Go Green," I am opposed to our reliance on oil. It will eventually dry up and we have developed alternative methods that work fine, but the thing is, like any reliance, our oil addiction has made us lazy...too lazy to select alternatives that are not inherently as "easy" as oil usage has become to the modern world.

This is supposed to be a very bad hurricane system. It started on June 1st and runs all the way to November 30th. (aside: I really didn't know hurricane season was that long!). This is a good site to sum up the hurricane predictions for the year, but suffice it to say that roughly 27 or so hurricanes are expected to hit. As someone in a city that is still recovering from a hurricane from 5 years ago, I am afraid. I have no idea what to expect for any hurricane, let alone one that would literally rain oil on us...

Homesick :(

For the first time in life I have experienced home sickness. Despite going out with friends and trying to keep busy this past weekend, I really got home sick. I felt like the kid at camp who doesn't care what fun is being had all around her, all she wants to do is return to the comfort and normality of home. It's not that I don't love and appreciate New Orleans for the wonderfully unique city it is, but it's almost too unique. I feel shell shocked. I knew it'd be an adjustment coming down to the Deep South, but I truly felt that the urbanness of NOLA would mitigate the humdrum pace that is inherent to the South - WRONG.

Everyone's outlook on life is the antithesis of that experienced in the North. People don't see a point in rushing to do anything. And while I can appreciate their appreciation for enjoying life and people, and relaxing and taking it easy, they OD on it down here - I guess it's called The Big Easy for a reason :/ But seriously, punctuality is probably last on everyone's list down here, even my financial aid department who doesn't see a problem in not doing their job in a timely fashion so students can do things like pay rent, buy books and supplies, eat - you know, the basics. Ugh. It is frustrating! And I just look like a jerk everywhere I go because not only do I not go slow, I actively am still ticking on a Northern clock of urgency, and I really am lacking the patience necessary to handle those that don't seem in a rush to do anything. That's never been a part of who I am. Sure, I am of the opinion that we shouldn't take life too seriously, unless the situation absolutely mandates it, however I've also approached most things from the standpoint that I'll get what I need to get done first and then do what I want to do later. Makes complete logical sense to me. To these people, that notion is foreign. They do what they want and hope that eventually what needs to get worked out is somehow magically completed without complication...riiiight. Honestly, I don't think this constant heat, humidity (which is swiftly getting worse!), and enormous bugs aren't helping.

I got a little down about it all and actually started fighting logic and contemplated that maybe I made a BIG mistake choosing to spend the next four years of my life in New Orleans. Silly, I know...this is the school God has for me and I absolutely love the med school and it's opportunities, but still, logic often fails in the face of depression. And yes, I would say I've been depressed this weekend, despite hitting up some fun spots in this city (see below). I ever popped in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and nearly teared when I started seeing all the Jersey and New York spots in the movie. I started getting nostalgic about this past year's adventures in Philly, Jersey, and New York and really started to miss all my loved ones I left behind. Then, I started to feel pathetic about being so down, but then I was speaking to a friend who's down here that feels the same way having moved from DC. Adjusting your mentality and entire perspective on life and your functioning is truly an exacerbating task, especially when you feel you're alone. I suppose the grass really is always greener on the other side, as I recall complaining about how I was ready to get up and leave the cold, congested, fast-paced North for a while - be careful what you wish for.

Mom came through in the clutch though. She reminded me of a few things. Yes, it'll be a big change, but I have to take into consideration that it is summer. There are a lot of students in the city who are away for vacation and this is part of the price I have to pay for trying to get a jump start on my dual degree. She also reminded me that as I get more acclimate to the city and become more involved, I'll start to form my own network down here. While I am blessed to have secured summer housing so easily and at such an affordable price, she reminded me that it's not like I chose to live with these roommates (good people, but it's not like we hang out), therefore it's not like I'm surrounded by my good friends, but really just strangers, which can be quite an adjustment when you go from spending everyday surrounded by friends and family. I love how my mom can so simply put things into perspective for me. We express our love for one another so much better when we're not living together. It's amazing!

So, I plan to stay busy with classes, exploring the city, and I should be starting research in a week or so. Between those activities and getting to know my classmates better I think I should have this bought of home sickness out of my system by July :) I live a few blocks down from Audubon Park, which is so breath-takingly beautiful it's hard to feel down while there. I try to go there as much as my schedule and the weather permits (it rains randomly daily). Wikipedia just informed me that the land used to be a plantation :/ Whatever, it's still gorgeous! I was sitting by a pond Saturday, watching everything from a water snake (maybe) to baby ducks to a cranes to a family of large turtles all enjoying nature. It truly made me feel carefree.

These are world famous Sno-Balls from Plum Street Snoball. When I got down here, everyone kept asking me if I'd had a New Orleans sno-ball yet, and I would just stare at them in niavete. After doing a little research, I found that this place and another place (Hansen's, which is right by me and next on my list) are easily the top two in the city. The way sno-balls were described to me were the ultimate Italian icey. False. The sno-ball I had was easily the most amazing, tantilizing frozen treat to touch my tongue in life. You can always rely on wiki for the low-down. Basically, it's shaved ice of a smoother consistency than slushies or iceys, with a ridiculous but perfect amount of flavoring poured into holes they dig into the ice. It really is perfect because it never gets to the point where you have unflavored ice left in your container (and I do mean container...depending on what size you order, you might be eating/drinking out of a Chinese food take-out box!)

This weekend I also hit up Hotel Monteleone's Carousel Piano Bar & Lounge. Wow. My favorite place in the city thus far. Be not deceived, there really is no truly classy place in the NO. lol. As posh as the hotel's website looks, as well it's featured bar & lounge, the drunkards stumble in there in all types of get ups. Why? For it's famous rotating Carousel Bar. This thing is amazing. Not going to lie, it was a little complicated trying to hop on (or more than you'd think), but once on and adjusted to parts of the room moving and not others, it's great. A delightful musician hammers away on the ivories a yards back in the lounge area and it's easy to get caught up in the ambience and never want to leave. While you're in there, it's so hard to believe that the notoriously crazy Bourbon St is literally one block away...that is until a drunk middle aged couple comes in screaming with clothes falling off :/ Still, it manages to retain it's classiness (I think the jazzy lounge piano helps in this effort. Apparently, it's also a literary landmark - I see why!

The remainder of the night was spent strolling down Bourbon for the first time. Oh the sights mine eyes did see! I'll just leave it at that!

Oil Spill, The Economist, N'awlins, and Me

So, this blog was originally supposed to be a motivation for me to keep up with the news and what's going on in the world around me, yet it has somehow transformed into something a bit more philosophical at times, or better yet, just random excuses about why I'm not blogging. Whatever. That's life. To be quite honest, I've been enamored with everything pertaining to starting med school and grad school, and making the big move down to New Orleans - I have truly loved every minute of it (aside from the packing). As a result, I have no idea what is going on in the world around me. Shame. I refuse to be the doctor/med student that is ignorant to the latest news due to overindulgence in the medical realm of life. Tunnel vision is great for achieving your goals and getting to where you want to be at in life. However, if it excludes other important things from your vision such as friends, family, and important developments, how beneficial, as opposed to detrimental, is it? I propose tunnel vision is good in the short-term, but bad in the long-run...that is if you desire to have any type of a social life. Well, since I do, I am slowly trying to incorporate real world developments into my daily life. It's a slow, arduous process, but I believe the effort and energy will pay off in the end.

That being said, I am very up-to-date on this mess of an oil spill. BP, you should hang your head low. Just what are you doing?!? All the lies and nondisclosure...come, come now...do better. BP's oil spill is about to do more damage to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast than Katrina did. Seriously. While not killing people like Katrina did, BP is killing people's incomes in an already depressed economy. Many of these people rely on fishing as their primary source of income. Well guess what? As much as seafood is the #1 staple down here, these items are now being imported in. People who have already invested loads of money for the shrimping and other fishing seasons, are now out of that money since their supply is now dead/unusable. On the end of BP there have been no developments save for increased knowledge on how bad this really is. Our ecosystem is about to be devastated, the effects of which probably won't fully be felt for a few years. And what happens when hurricane season hits full force? That oil is about to be spread even further. I heard talks of someone proposing burning off the oil...riiight, because that's what our ecosystem needs... [insert side eye]. This is the main news story I've been keeping up with and it is just depressing.

On a related note, under the tutelage of a good friend, I have gone ahead an acquired a recent issue of The Economist (ummm, readers beware, one issue is like 7 bucks and only covers 1 week...in other words, it's expensive). Anywho, the purpose of reading The Economist is two-fold. First, it truly covers a wealth of topics both nationally and internationally, and thus, will serve to broaden my knowledge in foreign affairs, economics, and politics. If you know me, you know I'm a closeted nerd who just loves acquiring more knowledge. We know the average human uses ~10% of their brain power (or so we've been told in school...wouldn't be surprised if this was an educated lie to get us to study more), but I'm trying to up that percentage. Plus, I like to be able to talk to a random person on the street about anything. Since I know where my weaker areas are, it makes perfect sense to target those now. My second reason is to better pick up a white boy. Yes, I said it. I was talking to this same friend who made the recommendation, and she said how she's been over black guys for a while (even though she's still dated a few here and there) and she was talking about how she's perfecting the art of picking up a good white guy. She's like, " what you need to do is go to some fairly high foot trafficked area, grab yourself an issue of The Economist and maybe a Vitamin Water, and sit and read. Make sure you don't have headphones or sunglasses on, and slowly scan your surroundings every now and then. When you find one you want, briefly make eye contact, smile a little, and go back to reading. They will come." lol - this girl has a game plan! She has other strategies too, but this one seemed the easiest for me to start with. Granted, now that I'm down South, I don't see many types that look like they'd be into The Economist, but let me know judge a book by the cover. Even if Southerners innately look simpler, a few might surprise me.

You know, people hate on Southerners, but I think they're onto something. They definitely know how to enjoy life and put an emphasis on spending time with people - the same time that we see as such a rare commodity up North is amply doled out down here. Even though I can't really indulge in eating or drinking, I absolutely love Love LOVE New Orleans! Honestly, if I can adapt to the heat and humidity, and survive the bugs and hurricanes, I might never leave - dead serious. Come visit!

Packing Woes…

I’ve actually had a lot to blog about in recent times, BUT packing has literally consumed my life! Ugh. It’s high on my list of least favorite activities…or better yet – activities that pain me. Goodness, I don’t think I know one person who likes packing. I swear, if I can afford it, the next move I make will involve professional movers, because this crap is for the birds. I remember, I thought I was being slick by starting to pack my things up a few months ago – FALSE! True, I moved a lot of my big furniture into storage, which helped clear out the house, but I grew tired of packing within the first two hours and quit, thereby defeating the purpose.

It was a good look slowly packing up my desk and books and such in Banker’s Boxes (my new favorite moving supply!). Let’s pause a second and give respect where respect is due. Banker’s Boxes are what’s up, if you didn’t know. One, I have a slight OCD-like complex when it comes to organization…as in, highly organized things make me feel very good. I love Banker’s Boxes because they’re small with hand holes, so I could load up a bunch of heavy books in each and not worry about not being able to carry them like I do for larger moving boxes. With a little creativity, I can easily fit about 7 in the trunk of my car, freeing up more space in the back seat (though, I still need to load my car for tomorrow, so things might change (as I’m sitting here typing, I’m starting to think they might do better stacked in the back seat…hmmm…).

Anywho, as much as Banker’s Boxes have simplified my move, I still hate it.

What is it about packing that so upsets and irritates the human spirit? The most obvious annoyance is the monotonous activity that comprises packing. Usually, you start with a respectably organized area, create chaos so that you can sort thru things, and then sit and fold and wrap items for hours. So, not only is it repetitive, but also, you have to make things messy in order to accomplish your goal.

Next on the list, or at least on my list, is the decreased view of self that accompanies the process. Let me explain. If you've read some of my earlier posts, particularly those pertaining to minimalism, you'd know that I have consciously been working towards moving to a more minimalist lifestyle. Simply put, the act of packing slaps me in the face with how far away I am from a minimalist lifestyle. Like really, how do I have this much stuff? And why can't I follow my own rule of "if I haven't used or seen it in the past year, it's time to throw is away"??? Yes, when I pause and reflect, I see how pitiful I look drowning in a room full of stuff I hardly ever utilize...and then I feel foolish...and then I feel a little less good about myself.

Ah well. I finally packed up and made the long drive down to New Orleans! I'm staying with a mentee of mine from undergrad who's here for Law School, and I'll be moving into my summer sublet on Sunday! Since I'll be doing my own apartment shopping for a late July move, I think I might spend the next few weeks just living out of boxes...I'm not really trying to unpack only to have to turn around an re-pack.

Random Aside: How come all those packing commercials and ads always show the people looking so happy with big Cheshire cat grins plastered to their faces while I always look distressed???

Fendora...Mi amora!!

So, I have this newfound obsession with finding the right one or two fendora hats for spring, summer, and fall down South. I've always been in love with hats in general, but I've grown particularly found of these hats in recent years, especially the straw ones...they really remind me of the bliss of summer. Everytime I see one, I picture myself chilling beachside, enjoying the ocean breeze in some linen pants with a nice cold drink in my hand (vivid imagination, I know).

My quest is on! Especially with this relocation to New Orleans, I've realized how limited my wardrobe is in terms of cooler outfits. In sum, I have a very stereotypical Northern closet - winter hats, scarves, an overabundance of dark colored and heavier weighted attire. I am low on the capris, shorts, skirts, dresses, and light colored clothing. Also, I'm thinking it would be beneficial to block those oppressive sun rays beating down on my head with a nice lightweight hat or two.

I found this lovely Fendora hat at Arden B that I'm thinking of pruchasing. Thing is, I also want a typical, beige tan one that scream summer! Luckily, Fendoras are making a strong comeback in fashion, so my search shouldn't be too difficult.

Wish me luck! And, of course, I welcome any leads you might have :) Not many of my posts will be pertaining to fashion, as I consider it something realitively low on my list or priorities in my life development. However, I am a BIG accessories girl! Shoes, bags, scarves, hats, jewlery, headbddans - if they're on the list, I have a slight obsession with them...exciting pieces do make me tingle from head-to-toe ;)

Arizona Strikes Again...

The latest legal developments out of Arizona are marginally constitutional, in my opinion. I agree with the first half of the legislation, declaring illegal immigrants well, illegal. However, I think it is dangerous to legally empower law enforcement to demand identification for persons they “suspect” of being here illegally. I love (re: hate) how the Arizona state legislature acts as if racial profile does not already exist and has not existed probably since the beginning of law enforcement. We all know how this is about to play out. How exactly does one “suspect” some is illegally in the US? Is it by the way they look? The way they speak? The way they carry themselves? Something tells me that, simply put, the more ethnic you look, the greater jeopardy you will find yourself in of being suspect, while the more “Americanized” (re: White) you look, the safer you’ll be. Sad, but true. Adjust your wardrobe, hair, and speech accordingly.

My guess is that very shortly, Latinos in Arizona are going to face daily accosting by the police, thereby increasing the anger and frustration amongst this community. How would like to be questioned at whim about whether you “belong” here? I tell you what, as someone who attended a university where minority students were repeatedly racially profiled on-campus by police (i.e. forced to show their school ID to prove they “belonged”) I can tell you how horrible of an experience that is. It is degrading and frustrating. It leads to distrust and anger. No one, save for the people doing it, likes when authorities abuse their power. No one enjoys being perceived as an outcast. Granted, some members of this community are illegally here, are aiding in the draining of our tax dollars, and are “taking” jobs, but I emphasize this is SOME, not ALL. If we want to crunch down on immigration, let’s up border security let’s thoroughly check all documents when hiring people for jobs…oh wait, that’s right, people try to skimp on paying what they should for services and resort to hiring daily hands for manual labor, meaning they don’t check said documents. I’m digressing.

My point is that things in this area are about to escalate rapidly and probably explosively. Think about it. One of the main sentiments driving this new legislation is the increased crime rate that has correlated with the increase in illegal immigrants. And I’m sure that some are contributing to this. However, I guarantee that regardless of the percent of the Latino community involved in these crime stats, as soon as racial profiling increases, these individuals are going to respond in violence. I really wouldn’t be surprised if there were riots reminiscent of the LA Riots sparked by the Rodney King beating. Might be a bit of a stretch, but as I said, I really wouldn’t be surprised.

Personally, I don’t see this legislation holding up. There are already protests springing up throughout the country, as well as statements being made against this move by government officials. It’s kind of nice to see my fellow Americans uniting against this very un-American (yet, typically American) act. I mean, we’re a country that prides itself on its history of immigration and working hard to make something of oneself, yet we also know our nation has a history of people working hard to get theirs and then doing everything in their power not share the wealth (i.e. allow other people to work hard and reap the benefits). Nothing at this point surprises me…not even this legislation.

Let it be known, I am adamantly against illegal immigration, especially in these rough economic times. [disclaimer: I am about to sound rather Republican for a minute] Quite frankly, we do not have enough to go around for our own, let alone people that illegally sneak over here. On the one hand, it’s kind of noble that some would risk their lives to try to provide a better life for their families, however, it’s still wrong. There’s a reason it’s illegal, and just because you succeed at coming over her and establishing yourself, even serving for our country, doesn’t mean it was right in the first place. This might sound cold, but quite frankly, I don’t care. And stop trying to pop babies out in hopes that it’ll help you secure permanent or extended residence in the States. Furthermore, as an African American who knows the history of “her people” and knows that historically, as crappy and underpaid as they were, we were at least able to secure bottom of the totem pole positions and try to work our way up like other cultures…just with a few more institutionalized obstacles. In the past two decades or so, I have seen those jobs handed over to new immigrants, many of whom are Latino American, and to be honest, it is disheartening and slightly infuriating. I commend the legacy of hard work in this community – they are willing to do whatever work is necessary to provide for their families, and that’s commendable. But there are people that are legally here, that would also be willing to work these same menial jobs, that are not being given the opportunity because employers know they can hire illegals for cheaper to do the same work under the table. Where are we supposed to go? What are we supposed to do? Illegals are taking jobs that legal residents deserve and are using up a decent share of our tax money, and yes, this is an issue that annoys me, BUT Arizona, this is not the way to address these issues. I was taken aback by this latest news, but then a friend pointed out that it’s the home of John Mccain – ‘nough said.

Daddy's Home

As I roam around in my car letting the latest jams blast through my speakers, up and out through my open windows, and drift into the flowing warm air of an abnormally hot summer, "Daddy's Home" by Usher repeatedly (and annoyingly) comes on every station's play list. Personally, I'm not a fan - I think he peaked with Confessions. Like, he went too hard on that whole album...to the point where I really don't see how he can top it. Add on the fact that he's seemed to take a cue from the success of Confessions by repetitively abusing his muse - i.e. let me find a woman, fall in love, have it all get messed up, and write an album surrounding it. Usher Raymond, fyi - while your listeners might not necessarily be the sharpest tools in the box, as a collective, any fool can see through that sub par "art" you're putting out. Your abs are no longer good enough to attract all your previously young fans - you know, the young ones you had gawking and flocking over you back when you were a young one. Quite a few of my twitter followers have been tweeting about how they wish a few artists would progress appropriately as they age. Guess who was atop that list? If you guessed Usher, give yourself a pat on the back (Mariah Carey was up there too)! Clearly, I'm no longer an Usher fan, but my lack of interest in Usher is not the focus of this post.

What I want to focus on is the string of questions that pop into my mind every time I hear this song:

• Do other races refer to each other as Daddy/Mommy?
• What is it about the Black community that promotes the referral to the Black man in a relationship as Daddy?
• Why don't we really ever hear Mommy?
• Does this all have something to do with the overabundant absence of father figures in Black communities?
• Are males (namely Black) preying upon the "Daddy issues" running rampant among women in the Black community?
• Are they trying to use these issues to usurp power and exert dominance in the relationship by having their women refer to them as "Daddy"?

I'd agree with the general notion that, as compared to other racial communities, that within the Black community, many Black women do not have a true or good Daddy of their own. I believe this absence of a good or stable father figure leaves many women of this demographic looking in all types of places for someone to fill that father figure. Now this is where "Daddy" has been inserted into relationships between men and women of this community. Note you don't really see relationships among other groups using this term outside of the context of when children are involved. But not for the Black community! We women want that father figure and somehow come to seek it in a spouse who should be an equal rather than some other member of our community. Can we not find someone to fill that role who is not intimately involved with us? Nope. We resort to calling our significant others, the ones who are supposed to be the other half of our give and take relationship, "Daddy." Yes, they normally do assume the role of protector and provider in the relationship, while we do assume roles usually associated with caring for things and planning out. Both sides are needed, yet, on some level, it has been made almost a given or something natural to do (i.e. calling your current mate "daddy"), even though we know on some level, there are certain connotations associated with that term (i.e. a submissive role for the person using the term). Hmm...

Now artists playing upon these issues...smh

And let's be real...Is Daddy really home? Nah. Well, at least not for long - just look at Usher's track record. At the end of the day, most of these relationships are bound to fail, resulting in another "Daddy" leaving yet another Black woman to fend for herself, leading to even more heartbreak, and more issues revolving around trust and expectations for "the Black man." Quietly, we know many of these "Daddies" run off to some non-Black girl, so...wait - why am I even discussing this? lol. Whatever, Black men really have come to annoy me more and more with each passing day. Clearly it's not a term I use or can picture myself using (again, unless we have children - then that's a little different). If you catch me calling a boyfriend "Daddy" I hereby give you permission to smack me upside the head!

Bullying --> Death?

So, I'm sitting here watching AC360 (I'm a HUGE Anderson fan! Makes me feel alright about my greying condition, lol). But this topic of discussion right now is something that crushes my heart - children who are so cruelly bullied that they commit suicide.

I mean, it's come a long way since when I was a kid. Back then, bullying consisted of purposeful exclusion, maybe a little name calling, perhaps a mean prank phone call or something, but that was about it. I guess I was born at a unique time in the technological advancement where I saw the transition into the more rapid and easier forms of communication (i.e. texting, IMing, emailing, etc.). Even when the internet was just beginning to come into the home and AOL was the only real option of instant messaging, I recall people extending bullying or just meanness via internet. What once was restricted to school or to the playground, was now able to attack you in "safe places."

I liken it to the "Smoke Monster" on LOST (clearly, I'm also a huge fan of this). Originally, it was restricted by the pillars that kept it caged-in and unable to do harm outside of a defined area. Then, the pillars were turned off and it was allowed free-range to harm everyone on the island. Nowadays, nearly every student has a cell phone (or a side-kick, smh) and some type of IM account. Add in Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace (do people still use that?) and the opportunity for harassment is endless. Can you recall the awkwardness of middle school and high school? Granted, I think I had it alright...went to the same small school for a decade, fit in well and had a pretty good role among my friends and classmates. But even still, we all struggled gaining acceptance from our peers. And we all got teased at some point about something by someone...and we remember how much that hurt. If you make it through, which a few years ago I'd bet nearly everyone would because the bullying was never really that bad, surviving the bullying really made you a stronger, better, more compassionate person for it (or a bigger, badder person...depends on how you took it). Now, kids aren't making it through because it literally has the possibility of never ending.

No one likes torture (well, there are a select few that enjoy it, but we're not talking about them) and most people don't like going thru things alone. Where are the teachers and administrators? Apparently alongside the bullies, they too are having charges pressed against them. I say GOOD! They are grown. They went through all this themselves a few decades ago and they should intercede after a certain point. In addition, I've always been an advocate for addressing those that stand on the side and either laugh along or know better and do nothing. Not that they need to be punished, but clearly interventions are needed. AC360 has not one, but two different stories on tonight. I won't say that evil is prevailing, but it's doing alright at surviving and slowly spreading into deeper levels, and starting to affect younger and younger people.

.:All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing:. ...Edmund Burke...

As it stands, I do not want kids. lol. While I know my kids will be well-behaved, there's a sea of children out there with no guidance at home, no morals, no role models, and teachers that are afraid of the kids. I substitute teach at a Charter School - I see this daily and it truly saddens me. It hurts my heart to see our youth, our supposed future, not valuing life - not theirs and not their peers. As a result, they do senseless things without thinking of the consequences. They don't care if they hurt someone else, they don't see the value of helping others and have a very self-centered view of life. Even the threat of prison doesn't scare some of them. Shoot, even one of my kids at schools said he wants to go to prison when he grows up! Granted, he had some things confused and meant to say that if he keeps doing the things he does he knows that's where he'll be, but even still, he was alright with that possible reality. If these kids represent our future, what do you think this says about the face of the planet in 15-30 years?

I've said it hundreds of times, but I really do believe that the end of the world will come in our lifetime.

A Case of The Monday :(

I'm not going to say I've never had a Case of The Mondays before, but it has had to be years since I had my last one. I try to start my week out right on Sunday and carry that over into the the beginning of the workweek, using that positive momentum to push me forward, enabling me to complete the week strong. I'm usually not aching for Friday or dragging myself through Hump Day. All-in-all, I typically value each day of the week and can appreciate the small goals and challenges I must complete and overcome to pass successfully to the next day. However, today was not that day...

I'm not sure if it related to my ever disintegrating structure of a typical workweek or what, but I'm starting to lose a sense of purpose and that is pushing me closer to that edge. What I mean is that, simply put, I like structure - a lot. I like having a somewhat predictable routine, needing to wake up at roughly the same time everyday, having tasks that need to be completed so that either I can progress or that others might benefit, things like that. And unlike many I know, I value the workweek not only because it helps provide a sense of purpose, but also because it helps me value the weekend. However, in recent months, it has been quite some time since I had a "routine." My primary job consists of telecommuting and I irregularly received my work, so I have highly irregular hours and work days (typically for this job I work M, W, Th, Fri, Sat/Sun, at random hours of the day/night). My supposedly consistent job at Barnes and Noble is spiraling down the drain like the rest of the US economy, causing our store to take drastic measure and cost everyone's hours (and by everyone, I clearly am not including the hours of the 15 managers we have running around the store...excessive? yes!). And then catering and substitute teaching are touch and go. All summing up to a major lack of structure in my life. Which means that I am losing my sense of direction, motivation, and desire to actively live (i.e. be productive).

Today might have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I woke up early (read: 7am) after going to bed late (read: 3am) to go to a doctor's appointment. Now, this was supposed to be just a quick eye exam so that my PCP could finish filling out forms I need completed for med school. How on Earth an eye exam turned into PPD shot 1 and a tetanus shot, I will never know. What I do know is 1) I have to pay for those with money I don't have and 2) my arm hurt all day. I was exhausted, so I came home and passed out until about 1pm. I woke to a still gloomy, overcast and drizzling, dreary day, which did not help to revitalize me.

I then ran to work to check out the week's schedule because I heard it had been changed. Come to find out, the evil Boss Woman cancelled a bunch of shifts for the week, including my one and only shift this week...meaning I don't go into work the following week, for which she has me scheduled during a time I am permanently unavailable. Pssh, I'm past the point of caring...I might just not show up. No call, no show = fired, this I know, BUT when you're repeatedly hardly scheduled to work, does that really make that big of a difference? Nah... Then, I had the misfortune of actually running into the woman. See, this Boss B is new, and hasn't really been introduced to anyone, but basically came in and cut people's hours, is highly unfavored, and her reputation precedes her. I now see why. I ran in to check the schedule, only to find a little group of my co-workers hovered around the schedule, confused and angry, talking to her about it. She then pauses, turns towards me, precedes to look me up and done like she's trying to evaluate me, and then rudely says something in this repulsed tone... Errr?!? Excuse me? Yall know I am not the one to offend and today was certainly not the day to push that button. I wanted to box that Boss B in the throat! Now, of course I'm not a violent person and would never actually do that, but...the thought did linger in my mind for a good minute. I'm almost impressed how quickly one person was able to turn a happy workplace into a depressive environment that people don't enjoy working in anymore. The change was literally overnight.

I leave there pissed that I now have ~14 days on my schedule without income and I am disturbed by my run-in with Boss B. I get home to find my first financial aid package in the mail. Apparently medical schools aren't big on providing financial aid? I'm broke, my EFC = 0, and yet somehow I'm expected to come up with the full amount not covered by Federal Loans (~$36K per year). Um...whaaaat?!? I'm hoping that it's just this one school that sucks in the financial aid department. I was recently at their Second Look and they more or less implied that they basically award everyone the same thing (i.e. nothing) and their students just sign the next 15-20+ years of their lives away to them. It's depressing to think I might be in debt until I'm in midlife...and people say doctors get paid too much - ha! Makes me consider taking an armed forces branch up on their offer to cover my medical education in exchange for some years of service...we'll see. I'm really hoping that it's just this school's weak point and that other institutions are stronger in this area.

So, we got shots/unexpected expenses, no income for 2 weeks right when I'm flying away for another Second Look, a slap in the face with the reality of the amount of debt I'm about to be buried alive in for the next two decades, and some crappy weather to boot. I don't think having to share a home with someone who telecommutes a minimum of 3 days a week and who apparently hates silence helps in the very least. Frustrated? Why yes, yes I am.

Just using the term "Case of The Mondays" makes me want to go and watch Office Space. Perhaps I will...Lord knows I could use a good pick-me-up!

Becoming the Healthiest Doc I Can Be...

I start working out regularly this fall. I joined a local gym, hired a personal trainer I meet with twice a month, all that. Why? Because I want to be the healthiest person I can be and a healthy doctor. Personally, it irks me when I see unhealthy doctors - whether they're obese or smokers or just avid consumers of junk food, it really bothers me and makes no sense. I see part of the role of the doctor as being a role model for their patients. Lead by example - that's always my motto.

However, this quest to get fit has been a long and frustrating battle. It took forever and a day to see the scale move (granted, I was doing cardio and intense weight training...my trainer looks like Mr. Clean), but now that it's started, it's dropping consistently pretty nicely. I think keys things that have helped have been conscientiously increasing my water consumption (and what clear skin I have!) as well as sleep. While overweight, I've never really been a bad eater (well, Southern food in college aside), but I've learned to watch my portions and make sure to eat no later than 4 hours before bed. The hardest part is really when I'm out with friends (especially those late night meals...smh). I'm so happy the warmer weather has arrived. This week I've started moving my gym workouts to the morning and doing some other physical activity in the evening...trying to keep that metabolism up! Right now, I'm feeling the long, brisk walk at dusk, but I would love to join some type of local group sport, like tennis or basketball. Being outdoors as much as possible has somehow become one of my new favorite things (in addition to endorphins). Maybe it's the vitamin D I'm getting or all the beautiful colors emerging...I'm not sure.

Another issue that has been an obstacle in this journey to get fit is my PCOS. It's a condition I suffer that has the lovely side effect of increasing fat storage and resisting weight loss. Suffice it to say I have to work twice as hard to get the same results as the average person. But, I'm alright with that. I know what I must do, and am aware it's just going to take longer to do it. What is nice to see, is that without medication, I have started to naturally reverse the disorder. I had tried the medication before (not even currently an option, seeing as I lack insurance) and while I can drop weight much quicker on it, 1) the side effects are rough to adjust to, and 2) the changes are not permanent. At least this way, the changes I'm making will last forever. Plus, I'm not a fan of medicating when not absolutely necessary. Americans are completely overmedicated.

Biggest problem I face with working out - The Hair!!! Black women know this struggle all too well. On top of things, I do not have a relaxer. And while I'm alright with the texture and state of my natural head of hair, I have a problem with putting so much time and energy into getting it nice a prim for church only to have it back to drab by Monday evening. Well, if I do move to New Orleans, we all know I'll be investing in some braids. I have no idea how else to deal with that heat and humidity, and Lord knows I refuse to slap any chemicals into my hair to make it permanently straight.

Resolutions Update

As part of my New Years’ Resolution this year, I pledged to lead a more minimalistic life. Seems simple enough, right? Cut back on excess in all areas and live happily with what you have. In doing so, I figured I would have increased amount of time to devote to old leisurely activities such as reading and piano. But then, as always, this simple process became unnecessarily complicated. I start thinking about what I’m ready to toss out, a process I actually get excited about – I love de-cluttering! However, then I start debating what to keep and what to toss. Seems simple, but in a minimalistic life, the few things left are highly representative of you. Yes, you possessed them all along, but now they stand out in stark contrast to the large amount of space you've acquired and really speak to who you are. Puts a bit of a damper on the happy-go-lucky throwing unimportant things away task when you feel pressured to carefully chose what you’re going to let represent you.

Then came the debate of "How far do I take it???" Part of me wanted to go down to the bare necessities. I’m talking about pants and a t-shirt all day, every day. At one point, I even wanted to take it to wearing either a white or a black tee every day, and khakis or jeans with plain shoes. I wanted to see how content I could be in my own skin with the bare essentials clothing me…no sparkling designs, or flashy earrings or shoes, or big bags – just me, as I am. Which then lead me to think that perhaps I need to do some research on minimalism. Maybe find an autobiography of some minimalistic revolutionary leader or the basic principles and philosophies behind minimalism. Then I thought – to be going minimalist, you are doing too much. This should not be some harried task, but rather a pleasured, effortless act exposing my more of soul to the everyday world - when you look this way, you see ME, not my material stuff.

Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I started cutting back little and little in different areas. First, I started minimizing time spent in front of the TV, or on the MacBook, or playing with technology in general. This transition was eased by an increased workload. Then I went on to no purchasing of unnecessary items that are not essential to life. I must say, I have done rather well in the “No Shopping” department. I did buy a pair of silver-studded booties from Macy's, HOWEVER, I purchased them with a gift card I received for Christmas. Plus, black is the most basic color you can get, right? And, ideally, I would love to be at a point where I open my closest and I have very simple choices facing me of what to wear, not a million choices for what to cover each part of my body with. However, at the same time, I think I'm way too creative of a person to ever live like that contently for an extended period of time. Shoot, I think I nearly went crazy for that decade I spent in uniforms. I did everything I could to add my own little twist to the monotony of life at there.

This is the way a friend put it… “…the way I see it, I don't want anything I deem unnecessary or excessive or just not special to me in whatever way I require, BUT I do want to have my creative enjoyment…I want to have enough things but only ones that I really like and value…to keep finding/purchasing things above a certain par of being worthwhile to me and keep ridding myself of unnecessary things…that way I guess my inventory would stay about the same but be much more effective.”

I think that perfectly summarizes where I want to be in this journey toward minimalism...at least for now. I think I'm going to make some big cuts as I continue this moving process. Slight tangent: I am most likely moving come May, so I went ahead and rented a Public Storage unit so that I can start slowly moving out of this house, rather than having to do one big rushed move. Personally, I think it's a genius idea! And, I'm going to use this slow move to kill two birds with one stone: 1) greatly decrease the anxiety and stress of moving by spreading it out over many weeks and 2) use it to cut my accumulation of "stuff" at least in half. Wish me luck!

Best Thing I've EVER Done!!!

As someone who's lost a parent at a young age, it didn't take much, if anything, to convince me of the worthwhileness of Comfort Zone Camp. As soon as I heard it's mission, I couldn't help but become involved as quickly as possible. However, as the days approached, I became more apprehensive than imaginable. Questions started popping into my head as to whether I'd be a good Big Buddy to the kids and whether the camp would live up to it's reputation. I mean, it had been hyped up to this phenomenal weekend camp that had the power to transform the lives of both campers and volunteers in roughly a 48 hour period. How could anything possibly live up to that? As a child, I was continuously warned to "keep my highs low, and my lows high," so while I knew the camp was very positive and that my experience would be good, I was trying not to expect some nearly supernatural experience this past weekend. However, that is exactly what I received...

I was discussing my experience on the phone with a dear friend Sunday night (actually, it's the friend that put me on to the camp). We both agree, no matter how detailed it is described, it is one of those "you gotta see it to believe it" things. The experience there is considered "life within the camp bubble," and a bubble it truly is. By the end of camp, which started roughly at 2:30pm Friday and ended at 4:00pm Sunday, I could have sworn I was there a good week. They really cram so much into every minute of the weekend, and you turbo-bond like never before. I left camp feeling like I knew some of these people for years and we were now best friends.

Beyond the miraculous slowed down and elongated time phenomenon experienced there, I really met some people (both young and old) I would consider superhuman. I'd rank these kids among some of the strongest humans I have ever met. If I had gone through what some of them went through, I'm not too sure I would have made it out - let alone as strong and determined as they were. The unimaginable stories of these children's lives - what they lived through before, during, and after their losses - made me cry all weekend...as did their stories of resilience and firmness of purpose.

If you have ever caught yourself wondering where all the good people in the world are hiding, the answer is here. So many people from all walks of life, united for the common cause of simply being a listening ear and an untiring encouragement to these children learning to navigate the grieving process. Selfless individuals continually smiling and giving of themselves and their difficult stories they cry to to be inspirations and sources of support for these kids.

There was a shirt being sold at camp that said on the front "CZC Supporter" and on the back it read "I helped a child realize they are not alone." You have no idea how much I wanted to buy the shirt (I will one day...didn't bring money)! It's the truth though. A old theme of camp was that when you lost someone close to you, it felt as if a puzzle piece to your heart was missing. And not only was it missing and you could feel that emptiness, but that lacking piece was visible and evident to those around you, thus making you feel different. And we all know, most kids don't want to be different, most kids (especially teens) want to be accepted, not to feel alone. However, the transformations I witnessed this weekend were incredible. I watched children arrive, some willingly and other forced to come, untrusting of a world that had snatched a loved one from them unexpectedly, uneasy to speak, some unsmiling, and I was a little overwhelmed for a moment. That's when I downed the free adult-sized coffee, turned on the smile, channeled my inner teenage camper and ran to meet my Little. By the end of the week, everyone was smiling and laughing, kids that had stopped performing activities since their loved ones died were performing before the entire camp at the closing memorial service, and children who couldn't even bare to mention the names of their lost ones ending camp by verbally paying homage to them. These numerous powerful transformations almost brought me to my knees.

To know that the amount of love and positive energy, and the opportunity to vent in a safe space, all contained in a 48 hours period, is enough to tangibly change the lives of ~65 kids...I mean, talk about having an impact on the world. I worked with teenagers, and you could see some of them coming into camp with destructive habits and behaviors forming, and leaving a changed individual, hopefully steered back on-course, able to overcome obstacles that will inevitably present themselves on their road to reaching their full potential.

I come away feeling blessed to have had this opportunity and to experience such a powerful force. I feel honored to have connected so deeply with those in my HC, who trusted me enough to share their stories with me. And I hope that the small bit of my story that I shared was of benefit to someone else. I've never felt this happy and hopeful before :)

.:There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you:. ...Maya Angelou...

Can’t See the Forest Through the Trees

These past few weeks have been rough. Aside from my typical yearlong struggle with finances and other things, there have been many battles my family has been facing in recent months, all seeming to snowball to the point where one day I just know I’m going to wake up to a full-blown disaster and be left speechless. I pray that day doesn’t come (we’ve already had a few serious scares), but at the rate situations are spiraling out of control, I really don’t expect much else.

Through all the chaos swirling around me, blurring my sight of my life goals, I try to remind myself how blessed I am. I try to visualize how far God has brought my family within a few generations. I try to recall His promises and remember His grace and love. But, sometimes it’s hard, almost too hard, to hear myself over the cacophony arising all around me. Whether its trouble at one of my jobs, or harassment from the government (who just can’t seem to keep my deferment of loans straight), or the home phone ringing nonstop about the latest emergency situation halfway across the country we are trying to fix, it seems that there is always at least three things blaring to get my attention. Sometimes, I wish I could just drift to sleep and wake up 10-15 years down the road and see how everything has resolved itself. I mean, I know that God is in control and that everything that is occurring is happening for a specific purpose, even if only to develop something within me, but it is tiring.

I don’t think this volunteering opportunity could have come at a better moment in time for me. This weekend, starting tomorrow afternoon, I will be completely cell phone-free and unreachable while I volunteer at Comfort Zone Camp. This camp is the largest bereavement camp in the nation, geared towards children ages 7-17 who have lost a parent, a caregiver, or a sibling. Volunteers, called “Big Buddies,” get paired with a camper and our goal is to be a “big ear with arms to hug” for the children, to help them through their coping process. I am nervous and excited beyond measure. A good friend of mine volunteer with the camp last year, and once she filled me in on the details, I could feel my heart strings tugging and knew there was no way I could not join in this effort. As I sit here and a read a little background information on my camper, I am so nervous that I won’t be a good enough Big Buddy. However, from reading about the type of person she is, I can tell that I will have to pour all of myself into her and her weekend in order to make a breakthrough – what an exhilarating possibility! Interesting thought, right? That completely emptying yourself into another human being is a wholly filling and fulfilling experience...

I say this couldn’t have come at a better moment because I believe that volunteering helps better appreciate that which we’ve been blessed with. And I know that I am blessed beyond measure – there is no way, looking at my family history, that I would logically end up where I am today if not for the hand of God…none. However, I’m feeling a bit trapped amongst the trees. I’m so embroiled in my daily battles that have seemingly been raging for ages (in reality, it’s only been a few months, lol…got to love the relativity of time!) that I’ve lost sight of the big picture – the beautiful forest I’m in. As Talib Kweli raps, “life is a beautiful struggle.” Sure, there are nasty, thorny trees with large gnarled roots waiting to tangle and trip us up as we make our way through, but the big picture is that splendidly beautiful forest of endless opportunities and blessings that comprise a majority of our individual spheres of reality. Not every tree in there is a potential hazard, threatening to jeopardize our future…some are delicious fruit bearing trees there to sustain us, while others provide us shelter, while others serve medicinal purposes. Point is, I bet for every one bad tree, as seemingly large, menacing, and insurmountable it might appear to us, there are probably a good ten other trees around us, possibly appearing smaller, but bearing substantial benefits to our wellbeing. For whatever reason, the bad ones are always more noticeable. That’s why it’s great to have a rest, where you can be lifted out of your own little forest and be able to take a peak into someone else’s. Chances are, you won’t like what you see any better and when you go back into your forest, the bad trees will seem a lot smaller than they formerly appeared. Just a hunch.

Haha. I’m sitting here all nervous and giddy like a schoolgirl on the night before the first day of classes! I’m pumped! I can’t wait to get up, get out, make a difference, and come back the old me!

Reading Correctly

Don't ask me where this thought even came from, but I was just thinking about how easy school has always been for me and how everything seemed to come naturally from the start (arguably, this could be re-written as "never really challenged in my primary education" ha). I think I stumbled on this because I was thinking of how ready I am to get back into the classroom and start learning more, and how much I cannot wait to be a doctor. Then my mind drifted onto an theory I firmly believe: irrespective of the field, reading is essential to success. I firmly believe that most successful people in most areas like to read. Now, they might not like to read any- and everything, but at least in regards to their areas of expertise, they read in their spare time, and they don't mind doing the hours of research (read: reading) necessary to take lead in their fields, to discover new things, or to simply learn from those who came before them.

But then it hit me - back in 2nd grade I had a terrible battle with one subject in particular: reading! You see, I had attended a very small private school (I mean, there were 7 kids in my first grade class...shout out to Lane Robbins!!!) and they had their own little philosophy on learning. One area they really emphasized was getting students interested in reading very early on (apparently, they too thought reading was key to success). So, in essence, they focused on getting us to read and to like participating in the activity, and didn't want to deter us from it, so they opted not to correct us when we messed up. They emphasized encouragement of actively trying to get ourselves through books, rather than getting through correctly. While I do think this helped us enjoy activity, you can imagine what types of bad habits were picked up, never broken, and possibly positively reinforced... So yes, as a little tyke, I loved reading, but Lord only knows what illogical phrases were coming out of my mouth during those early years.

As I said, the school was tiny, and as such, only went up to 1st grade. Therefore, I transferred to a local Christian school (clearly, mom was not a fan of the local public school system...it did have a bad rep). When I got there, I was on-pace or ahead of my classmates in all areas except for reading/reading comprehension. I had to spend extra time unlearning the false things instilled in me at my former school and learning how to do the basics correctly. Now, clearly I don't remember any of this, but my mom has told me about it on more than one occasion. I spent a lot of time and energy that year getting caught up with my peers and learning how to read correctly. Funny thing is I arguably became the best reader in my class, always volunteering to read aloud and focusing extra hard on my spelling and vocabulary words (even placed in the division spelling bee a few times). I'm all about the "that which does not kill us only makes us stronger."

This reminds me of something my friend wrote the other day as a fb status: everyone is weak and everyone is strong. we're strong because we're weak.At first look, I immediately dismissed it. I said, "Pssh. That makes no sense. I hate weakness," and I preceded to close my mind. Then, feeling slightly guilty, I decided to think it through a bit and thought, "I hate weakness, but I guess that hate for my own weakness pushes me to be better...making weakness a strength." My friend swiftly kicked me in the rear with reality and stated, "You probably didnt see what I meant BECAUSE you hate weakness and maybe you didnt want to see it that way...that's just a human thing." Ouch! Isn't that the truth though? We see what we want to see and turn aside contradictory interpretations or information that would cause us to rethink our position. In psychology, it's called the confirmation bias, and is one of the most basic heuristics (read: cognitive shortcuts) employed by humans to make better sense of their world when resources are limited (i.e. time, energy). Heuristics are good and necessary for, as I mentioned, conditions where we are pressed for time and need to make quick decision, but what happens when we start to rely on them aside from these circumstances? When we carry them over into everyday life?

Clearly no answer I give holds true across all situations, but I will still venture my personal philosophy. When we use these cognitive shortcuts intended for scenarios where it's impossible for most appropriate cues to be taken into consideration, we run the risk of misreading situations. Cognitive shortcuts work because, subconsciously, they take the most salient cues that have proven successful in predicting outcomes over time and use them to draw a quick conclusion. Works fairly well when you just can't pay enough attention to everything you should be using to arrive at an answer. However, when you unnecessarily ignore these other cues and rely on shortcuts to draw conclusions under normal circumstance, you are in fact misreading the situation. You are not taking into account all you should and are therefore doing yourself a disservice. You are hastily and unnecessarily drawing conclusions. In short, if left unchecked, you succumb to living life based on stereotypes and prejudices.

What strikes me as funny is how I read now. I am an avid skimmer of non-leisurely texts. This includes, but is not limited to, AIM, fb, twitter, instructions, emails...basically everything I don't innately find interesting or chose to read on my own. What I find myself doing many times is rushing through the texts, not taking things in fully, and misreading and/or misinterpretting them. In short, I read through a heuristically-coated lens. And you see where that gets me, right? Looking a fool from time to time when I respond according to what I assumed was written as opposed to what was there in reality. Lesson of the Day, kiddies: Heuristics of out context = BAD! Hmmm, part of me wonders if subconsciously my skimmings are biased by my initial reading mishaps back in primary school. Are these initial errors ingrained in my subconscious? Perchance...Whatever the case, one must read correctly, both literally and cognitively, in order to succeed. You can't get it right if you don't comprehend correctly.

Twitter Inspirations

Twitter. I don’t know how, but in the past few months, it’s become so intertwined with my life that I can’t begin to imagine Internet life pre-Twitter...sad, I know. Still, the whole idea of twitter is semi-repulsing, and yet something about it is so addicting. It’s repulsing because it’s essentially saying “Hey, look at me! I believe my life is so important that you need to ‘follow me,’ because you know you care about everything I do and think.” Sounds just like an egocentric American point of view to me (I’m assuming an American created Twitter). Way to appeal to our already inflated egos, developers. Yet, it’s addicting because apparently we do care (or, we come to care through repetitive use). It really is a large chat room for you and your followers to spit random information out. Eh, for all it’s good and all it’s bad, I love it! Yes, I’m a dumb sheep blindly following this crowd with my fellow tweeters. Bleat!! Bleat!!

Personally, I’m not really one to follow celebrities (to each their own, it’s just not my thing…I don’t really care about what most of them think or have to say), however, some of them catch me by surprise every now and again. I recently started following Lil’ Wayne. Someone was trying to hate and say that he needs to not be high all the time so he can tweet logical stuff, so I went to his page to see what all the fuss was about. I have no idea the level of sobriety of the man when he tweets, but I will say that they are actually deep, and quietly, might serve as a basis for some of my future posts. Dare I say, I’d encourage you to join Twitter if only to follow Weezy F. Baby and push yourself to think a little deeper and a little differently. Doubt me? Look at the #lilwaynedeeptweets TT. (sometimes, I can’t believe how integrated Twitter jargon is into my daily communication)

However, as much of a fan of Lil’ Wayne as I am, this post is actually driven by a post by Tyra Banks, whom I don’t even follow. “woke up before my alarm this morning. early bird gets the worm! Wats w/ that saying anyway? Do u think getting up early gets u more in life?” As someone who has her fair share of troubles with sleep, I often find myself waking up obscenely early for no particular reason – no work to rush off to, no class to go to or cram for, i.e. no real responsibility. When I find myself up and semi-alert with nothing to do, I usually wind up quoting this very same thing to myself for inspiration to do something - “The early bird catches the worm.” I say it for inspiration, but am I lying to myself just to feel a little less worthless for wasting time by being up unnecessarily? Hmmm…

Without thinking twice, I’d say it’s probably not the truth. Let’s analyze. From a purely literal analysis of the quote, two easy arguments could be made to dispel this notion. 1) The early bird probably only catches the early worm. What happens if the bird is earlier than the worms? Could he, in fact, starve from wasting energy waiting around for the worms to crawl out of their holes? Perhaps. Plus, he’s still got to be stronger, smarter, and faster than the other early birds that are likely to pop up and fight for those early worms - it’s never just you! 2) I’m sure that as long as you’re not the last of the birds to get up, you’ll still catch a worm. Might not be the first worm, might not be the fattest, juiciest worm imaginable, and it might not be your preferred worm, but you’ll probably still scrounge enough to survive to see another day.

Moving outside the context of literality and into real world application, do I really think getting up earlier gets me more in life? In short, probably not. Not unless I am fully functioning when I wake up, which 90% of the time couldn’t be further from reality. Regardless, there is something to be said about waking up early and getting thing accomplished by noon, that most people couldn’t squeeze into a 24-hour day. So, I suppose that if I wake up with enough time to shake off my grogginess and still have a significant amount of time left before others arise, then yes, I think I will get more out of life than the average person. I think I definitively will get more accomplished each day and still have “me time,” with the additive effect of accomplishing more over the course of my life than most people will by the time they hit mid-life…or at least that’s my goal.
I’m not really sure about the applicability of the bird analogy to my life, but I’ve found this old African proverb a bit more appealing.

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. 
 It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. 
Every morning a lion wakes up. 
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. 
 It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle. 
When the sun comes up, you better start running.

Nothing like the prospect of death to light a fire under your behind! Let’s go!!!