Can’t See the Forest Through the Trees

These past few weeks have been rough. Aside from my typical yearlong struggle with finances and other things, there have been many battles my family has been facing in recent months, all seeming to snowball to the point where one day I just know I’m going to wake up to a full-blown disaster and be left speechless. I pray that day doesn’t come (we’ve already had a few serious scares), but at the rate situations are spiraling out of control, I really don’t expect much else.

Through all the chaos swirling around me, blurring my sight of my life goals, I try to remind myself how blessed I am. I try to visualize how far God has brought my family within a few generations. I try to recall His promises and remember His grace and love. But, sometimes it’s hard, almost too hard, to hear myself over the cacophony arising all around me. Whether its trouble at one of my jobs, or harassment from the government (who just can’t seem to keep my deferment of loans straight), or the home phone ringing nonstop about the latest emergency situation halfway across the country we are trying to fix, it seems that there is always at least three things blaring to get my attention. Sometimes, I wish I could just drift to sleep and wake up 10-15 years down the road and see how everything has resolved itself. I mean, I know that God is in control and that everything that is occurring is happening for a specific purpose, even if only to develop something within me, but it is tiring.

I don’t think this volunteering opportunity could have come at a better moment in time for me. This weekend, starting tomorrow afternoon, I will be completely cell phone-free and unreachable while I volunteer at Comfort Zone Camp. This camp is the largest bereavement camp in the nation, geared towards children ages 7-17 who have lost a parent, a caregiver, or a sibling. Volunteers, called “Big Buddies,” get paired with a camper and our goal is to be a “big ear with arms to hug” for the children, to help them through their coping process. I am nervous and excited beyond measure. A good friend of mine volunteer with the camp last year, and once she filled me in on the details, I could feel my heart strings tugging and knew there was no way I could not join in this effort. As I sit here and a read a little background information on my camper, I am so nervous that I won’t be a good enough Big Buddy. However, from reading about the type of person she is, I can tell that I will have to pour all of myself into her and her weekend in order to make a breakthrough – what an exhilarating possibility! Interesting thought, right? That completely emptying yourself into another human being is a wholly filling and fulfilling experience...

I say this couldn’t have come at a better moment because I believe that volunteering helps better appreciate that which we’ve been blessed with. And I know that I am blessed beyond measure – there is no way, looking at my family history, that I would logically end up where I am today if not for the hand of God…none. However, I’m feeling a bit trapped amongst the trees. I’m so embroiled in my daily battles that have seemingly been raging for ages (in reality, it’s only been a few months, lol…got to love the relativity of time!) that I’ve lost sight of the big picture – the beautiful forest I’m in. As Talib Kweli raps, “life is a beautiful struggle.” Sure, there are nasty, thorny trees with large gnarled roots waiting to tangle and trip us up as we make our way through, but the big picture is that splendidly beautiful forest of endless opportunities and blessings that comprise a majority of our individual spheres of reality. Not every tree in there is a potential hazard, threatening to jeopardize our future…some are delicious fruit bearing trees there to sustain us, while others provide us shelter, while others serve medicinal purposes. Point is, I bet for every one bad tree, as seemingly large, menacing, and insurmountable it might appear to us, there are probably a good ten other trees around us, possibly appearing smaller, but bearing substantial benefits to our wellbeing. For whatever reason, the bad ones are always more noticeable. That’s why it’s great to have a rest, where you can be lifted out of your own little forest and be able to take a peak into someone else’s. Chances are, you won’t like what you see any better and when you go back into your forest, the bad trees will seem a lot smaller than they formerly appeared. Just a hunch.

Haha. I’m sitting here all nervous and giddy like a schoolgirl on the night before the first day of classes! I’m pumped! I can’t wait to get up, get out, make a difference, and come back the old me!