A Case of The Monday :(

I'm not going to say I've never had a Case of The Mondays before, but it has had to be years since I had my last one. I try to start my week out right on Sunday and carry that over into the the beginning of the workweek, using that positive momentum to push me forward, enabling me to complete the week strong. I'm usually not aching for Friday or dragging myself through Hump Day. All-in-all, I typically value each day of the week and can appreciate the small goals and challenges I must complete and overcome to pass successfully to the next day. However, today was not that day...

I'm not sure if it related to my ever disintegrating structure of a typical workweek or what, but I'm starting to lose a sense of purpose and that is pushing me closer to that edge. What I mean is that, simply put, I like structure - a lot. I like having a somewhat predictable routine, needing to wake up at roughly the same time everyday, having tasks that need to be completed so that either I can progress or that others might benefit, things like that. And unlike many I know, I value the workweek not only because it helps provide a sense of purpose, but also because it helps me value the weekend. However, in recent months, it has been quite some time since I had a "routine." My primary job consists of telecommuting and I irregularly received my work, so I have highly irregular hours and work days (typically for this job I work M, W, Th, Fri, Sat/Sun, at random hours of the day/night). My supposedly consistent job at Barnes and Noble is spiraling down the drain like the rest of the US economy, causing our store to take drastic measure and cost everyone's hours (and by everyone, I clearly am not including the hours of the 15 managers we have running around the store...excessive? yes!). And then catering and substitute teaching are touch and go. All summing up to a major lack of structure in my life. Which means that I am losing my sense of direction, motivation, and desire to actively live (i.e. be productive).

Today might have just been the straw that broke the camel's back. I woke up early (read: 7am) after going to bed late (read: 3am) to go to a doctor's appointment. Now, this was supposed to be just a quick eye exam so that my PCP could finish filling out forms I need completed for med school. How on Earth an eye exam turned into PPD shot 1 and a tetanus shot, I will never know. What I do know is 1) I have to pay for those with money I don't have and 2) my arm hurt all day. I was exhausted, so I came home and passed out until about 1pm. I woke to a still gloomy, overcast and drizzling, dreary day, which did not help to revitalize me.

I then ran to work to check out the week's schedule because I heard it had been changed. Come to find out, the evil Boss Woman cancelled a bunch of shifts for the week, including my one and only shift this week...meaning I don't go into work the following week, for which she has me scheduled during a time I am permanently unavailable. Pssh, I'm past the point of caring...I might just not show up. No call, no show = fired, this I know, BUT when you're repeatedly hardly scheduled to work, does that really make that big of a difference? Nah... Then, I had the misfortune of actually running into the woman. See, this Boss B is new, and hasn't really been introduced to anyone, but basically came in and cut people's hours, is highly unfavored, and her reputation precedes her. I now see why. I ran in to check the schedule, only to find a little group of my co-workers hovered around the schedule, confused and angry, talking to her about it. She then pauses, turns towards me, precedes to look me up and done like she's trying to evaluate me, and then rudely says something in this repulsed tone... Errr?!? Excuse me? Yall know I am not the one to offend and today was certainly not the day to push that button. I wanted to box that Boss B in the throat! Now, of course I'm not a violent person and would never actually do that, but...the thought did linger in my mind for a good minute. I'm almost impressed how quickly one person was able to turn a happy workplace into a depressive environment that people don't enjoy working in anymore. The change was literally overnight.

I leave there pissed that I now have ~14 days on my schedule without income and I am disturbed by my run-in with Boss B. I get home to find my first financial aid package in the mail. Apparently medical schools aren't big on providing financial aid? I'm broke, my EFC = 0, and yet somehow I'm expected to come up with the full amount not covered by Federal Loans (~$36K per year). Um...whaaaat?!? I'm hoping that it's just this one school that sucks in the financial aid department. I was recently at their Second Look and they more or less implied that they basically award everyone the same thing (i.e. nothing) and their students just sign the next 15-20+ years of their lives away to them. It's depressing to think I might be in debt until I'm in midlife...and people say doctors get paid too much - ha! Makes me consider taking an armed forces branch up on their offer to cover my medical education in exchange for some years of service...we'll see. I'm really hoping that it's just this school's weak point and that other institutions are stronger in this area.

So, we got shots/unexpected expenses, no income for 2 weeks right when I'm flying away for another Second Look, a slap in the face with the reality of the amount of debt I'm about to be buried alive in for the next two decades, and some crappy weather to boot. I don't think having to share a home with someone who telecommutes a minimum of 3 days a week and who apparently hates silence helps in the very least. Frustrated? Why yes, yes I am.

Just using the term "Case of The Mondays" makes me want to go and watch Office Space. Perhaps I will...Lord knows I could use a good pick-me-up!