We are all too familiar with the saying. As I retrace my footsteps, observing this all-too-familiar pattern, it is easy to see how one can get down on oneself. How many times have I established a goal for myself, only to find myself losing steam halfway through and falling back into old habits? To see the fruits of my hard labor and then, for no apparent reason (or maybe because I have grown too comfortable in my success), regressing into old ways that have proven time and again unfruitful, if not downright detrimental to achieving my goals...disturbing.
What is the difference between a simple obstacle who's purpose is to make us stronger and a pure failure? To me, the line separating the two is not necessarily easily defined. We overcome obstacles and become (hopefully) better persons for having used our own resources to surmount the roadblock - that is the simple one. Now for the complicated one - when does an obstacle that derails us turn into a failure? And when does repeated failures or setbacks become a losing battle? Is it when we no longer learn from our setbacks that they then transform into failures? Or is it when we no longer can summon the energy, courage, or willpower to lift ourselves back up? Perhaps these temporary derailments are meant to knock us out of the snarls of
complacency - to rekindle the fire beneath us. Or maybe they are there to remind us that we need to continuously rely on a higher power (i.e. God), who so often gets ignored and demoted to the back burner once people start getting what they want out of life...While I believe that the glory in the beautiful struggle that is life is to simply rise one more time than you are knocked down, learning something new about yourself each time and with each successful retry making us a stronger and better person for it, what happens when you reach the place where you no longer see the point in getting up anymore? I believe the term we learned in psychology is learned helplessness. [Not that I am there yet, but I am one who likes to analyze all possible scenarios.] For those of you unfamiliar with the historical experiment of Seligman, allow me to give you a brief summary. Basically what he did was split dogs into three groups: Group 1 was the control that was simply harnessed, Group 2 dogs and Group 3 dogs were harnessed to one another and received electrical shocks. Group 2 dogs had access to a lever that could stop the shock, while Group 3 dogs could not access the levers and had to simply wait for the shocks to end. The dogs were unharnessed and placed in a box from which they could escape. When shocks were administered to the dogs, Groups 1 and 2 jumped out of the box while most of Group 3 simply sat there. That, in sum, is
learned helplessness - even though Group 3 could escape, they had learned from their previous experience that it was futile to fight their way out. (yes, this is a sad experiment)The battle I often find myself facing is between learning when to push myself to get back up and when to learn to lay down. Now, let me pause for a second and say that I am a fighter. It goes against every fiber in my being to just sit back and take anything. HOWEVER, and this is a BIG however, certain battles really just are not worth fighting. I am not sure that I would necessarily classify these as learned helplessness...afterall, how many times did Jesus "sit back and take it" (i.e. turn the other cheek) when He certainly had the ability do whatever He so chose. I suppose the battle can be redefined as learning when to conjure enough strength to fight and when to summon enough willpower to restrain oneself... Hmmmm, now there is an interesting thought.
Still, there remains a difference between staying down out of willpower and staying down out of weakness. Learning and fully embracing the dichotomy inherent in the word strength is probably very key to living a fulfilled life. (At least in Western culture, does it not seem that strength is presented ubiquitously with exerting some force over another? Although here, I suppose you can modify that to exerting force over oneself - to go against human nature) Determining which situation necessitates which use of strength is the challenge we all face. For it would be easy for one to fall into the habit of blaming one's own lack of action and resolve to having the willpower to not fight back (even though they should have)...but then that is what happens when people start assuming the role of the victim, now isn't it?
And how does all this relate to me? To be rather honest, I suppose my one step forward, X-amount of steps back probably falls under the category of simply lacking the desire to do the right thing and get back up immediately. In my situation, I would emphasize immediately as I find the sooner that I address my shortcomings the easier it is for me to move back on the right track. I liken it to being knocked off of a horse into a very deep pit of mud. The sooner I regain my senses from the fall, swim to the edge, pull myself up, and chase after my horse, the sooner I can get back on and riding again. Now, if I get thrown off, take my time to evaluate what events just transpired, sit and decide whether it is worth pulling myself out, the further from the edge of the pit I drift and the deeper into the mud I sink. Once there, it takes a lot more time and energy to resurface, swim to the edge, pull myself out, and then run after a horse that I have no idea of it's location. (Perhaps this is a stretch of an analogy, but it works for me!)
So I end with this: Study your footprints well and honestly, remembering that no two sets are alike, and know that you are the key determinant in having your battle be a W or an L.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. Confucius
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